


Things Unexpected

by ellebeedarling



Series: Things Unexpected [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 19:57:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 47,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9783548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: Disgraced naval Commander and Council Spectre, John Shepard, turns himself into the Alliance to atone for his actions on Aratoht, figuring his life is now officially over. He would never have dreamed that his imprisonment would lead to meeting the love of his life.Takes place between Mass Effect 2 & 3**Now with amazingly gorgeous artwork by the wonderful FallingOverSideways in chapter 1! Go check it out!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just my take on what might've been had James been romanceable in the game. I had way too much fun with these cuties! Expect updates once a week. 
> 
> Shepard is Earthborn, Sole Survivor, Infiltrator, Paragade, Default Appearance. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James meets Commander Shepard for the first time and learns some shocking things about the man.

_Beautiful[artwork](http://shotce.tumblr.com/post/157508390607/i-see-shepard-as-one-of-those-people-obsessed-with) by super duper [FallingOverSideways](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingOverSideways)! _

 

Commander Shepard had been under house arrest for three days, and he'd slept for most of it. A doctor came by every few hours to check on his injuries. Before turning himself in, he'd taken out an entire batarian prison. Alone. Taken out an entire base of indoctrinated reaper thralls. Alone. And that was after having been kept sedated for two days. Upon his return, the Alliance had treated him to hours and hours of interrogation, and when he'd finally been brought to his apartment – a loose term as it was more of a bedroom with a sitting area and an en suite – he'd collapsed into bed from fatigue, dehydration, and malnourishment. He'd been attached to an IV, and James had been treated to an unobstructed view of the Commander's body peppered with fresh wounds, burns, bullet holes, incision scars and more, as well as a plethora of older scars already turning white. The Normandy's doctor obviously had her hands full treating the Commander.

 

On the fourth day, James escorted the doctor into the Commander's room, and they were treated to an unobstructed view of Shepard's bare ass as he sprawled on top of the covers, snoring away. He must have had his nose broken plenty. He sounded like a buzz saw. James blushed, the doctor cleared his throat, and the Commander jolted awake, yanking the covers over his ass. “Sorry,” he muttered. “More comfortable to sleep naked.” He sat up, yawned and stretched, scratching absently at his stomach. It growled. “Can I have food?” He yanked the IV out of his arm and tossed it toward the doctor, pulling the tape off his arm without even wincing. “Or is the Alliance planning to starve me?” Glancing around the room, he pointed at a chair, “Vega, toss me those sweatpants will you?”

 

James obeyed, and Shepard somehow managed to wiggle into the pants under the covers without exposing himself again. “I'll see that you get some breakfast, Commander,” the doctor said. “How are you feeling?”

 

He tossed the covers off and rose, stretching again. “I'm fine,” he waved his hand dismissively and headed over to the window. “Never better. Can I go outside or something?”

 

“I'll let Admiral Anderson know you're ready for visitors. He will fill you in on the terms of your... confinement.”

 

“Confinement,” he sighed. “Food would be nice.”

 

“I'll see to it right away, Commander.”

 

James followed the doctor out of the room, with one last glance at Shepard. The man still stared out the window, and James imagined that he was longing to be out there. He knew he would be, in the Commander's place. He returned thirty minutes later with a tray of food to see that Anderson was already visiting. The two men seemed to have a rapport with one another, then James remembered that they'd served together on the Normandy before Shepard was made a Spectre.

 

“You gotta get me out of here, Anderson,” Shepard was saying, nodding his thanks to James before digging into his tray of food. “The reapers are coming. I only delayed them,” he said around a mouthful of oatmeal. “Goddammit I'm hungry! This is the first time they've fed me.”

 

“They're not going to let you starve, Shepard,” Anderson said as if he were scolding a child.

 

“This is the first bite of food I've had in _four_ days. If the service doesn't get better, I'm going to demand a refund!”

 

Anderson chuckled. “You can go outside for two hours a day, but you have to be escorted. The gym in the officers quarters anytime you want. Firing range three times a week.”

 

“All escorted?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Will I at least be allowed to shit and shower in private, or do I need an escort for that too?”

 

James didn't blame him for being angry. It was a hell of a way to treat the man who'd just saved everybody's asses. Again. Alone. “Shepard, you know we're doing the best we can. This is all for-”

 

“For my protection,” Shepard interrupted. “So you keep saying, but it sure as shit feels like a punishment. You think I'm getting soft in my old age, Gramps?”

 

“You're hardly old, Shepard,” Anderson chuckled again. “You've got a lot of life ahead of you. A lot more battles to fight.”

 

“So long as the reapers just line up outside my window and wait in a nice line for me to take them out.” He tossed his spoon down on the tray, suddenly disinterested in his breakfast.

 

“You're not the only one who's frustrated with this situation, John,” Anderson sighed. “Eat your damned breakfast. I don't need you withering away in here. Keep your ass in shape and your skills sharp, and I'll do the best I can to get you out, alright?”

 

“Yeah, alright. Sorry.”

 

Anderson patted him on the shoulder. “I'm on your side, son. I'll be back to visit you in a few days. Anything you need in the meantime?”

 

Shepard glanced around the room. “There's nothing to do here.”

 

“I'll have some vids and books sent in. Let James take you out tonight and show you a good time,” he winked at the younger marine, and Shepard's face split into the first genuine smile that James had seen since he arrived.

 

“Now that's the best idea you've had in a long damned time, Gramps.”

 

The old man laughed and patted Shepard on the back once more before taking his leave. Shepard turned to James, shit eating grin, “I better warn you, Vega... I'm not a cheap date.” He stood and stretched and crossed the room to his closet, pulling on a t-shirt and some sneakers. “And I never put out on the first date.” He winked at James. “Come on. Let's go to the gym.”

 

**

 

Shepard hadn't been kidding. The man could drink! Anderson had given him a few hundred credits to pay for Shepard's drinks, and James knew that if it hadn't been for that, the man would have cleaned him out. He figured the officers club would be the safest place to take the Savior of the Galaxy – twice over now – but Shepard had insisted on a seedy dive in the bad part of town. Who was he to argue? It's not like the two of them couldn't take care of themselves. Besides, he had the feeling Shepard was itching for a fight.

 

They sat on stools at the bar, knocking back shots of Jack Daniels – well, Shepard was, James had only had a few. He had to be able to get the Commander back to HQ after all. He had a feeling he was going to have to carry the man. “'Sa hell of a thing, James,” Shepard slurred. “A goddamn fucked up thing.”

 

“I'll drink to that,” James said, holding up another shot and clinking his glass to Shepard's before downing it. Shepard followed suit then rose on unsteady legs to find some music on the old fashioned looking jukebox in the corner. The speakers started blaring an old rock song that was actually pretty cool. James mostly just listened to whatever was popular – usually club music with a thumping beat. He could definitely see Shepard as an old school rock 'n roll kind of guy. Shepard tapped his fingers against the machine while he flipped through the other selections, lips moving with the words.

 

James watched as a man sidled up to the Commander, all up in his personal space, and red flags went up in his head. No one would try to assassinate him in this shithole would they? He edged off his stool and slowly made his way toward the two men, halting halfway there when the man leaned in to whisper something in Shepard's ear. The Commander grinned and said something that James couldn't hear over the din of the bar, but he understood the man's reaction all too well. The man's hands slid up the Commander's chest, settling on his shoulders, while one of Shepard's hands rested on the man's waist, gripping lightly.

 

James was stunned. Shepard was _gay_? Holy fuck! He didn't know why, but that revelation rocked him to his core. He was still gaping when Shepard led the man by the hand toward the bathroom. He followed them and found Shepard already pinned against the wall, stranger latched onto his neck. The couple didn't notice him, so he cleared his throat. “James, I will pay you to leave me alone for twenty minutes,” Shepard said, voice husky in a way that had James' insides fluttering.

 

“No can do, Commander. Sorry.”

 

“Ten minutes? _Five_ minutes? Just... tell Anderson I had to go to the bathroom. He did promise I could go to the bathroom alone, remember?”

 

The stranger watched the exchange with an amused grin. James looked at the two of them and cursed under his breath. “Come on, Commander. I think it's time to go home.” For some reason, he couldn't stand the thought of Shepard getting fucked in the grimy bathroom of this shitty dive. It made his stomach twist.

 

Shepard sighed and pushed the guy off him gently. “Sorry. Maybe next time,” he said dejectedly then followed James out of the bar. They strolled along in silence, and James wondered what had happened to Shepard's buzz. He'd been stumbling drunk when he'd gone to the jukebox, now he was able to walk a relatively straight line. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his jeans, and his breath left his lips in little white clouds, eyes never leaving the sidewalk.

 

“Thought you didn't put out on the first date,” James said lightly.

 

“I wasn't on a date with him.”

 

“No. You were on a date with _me._ I think I should be offended.”

 

“Didn't think I was your type,” Shepard said, scuffing his boots along the concrete.

 

“What do you think _is_ my type?”

 

“The type without dicks,” he said flatly.

 

James chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I... uh... I've never thought much about being with a guy.”

 

“Well, that's a shame.” Shepard never looked at him, just kept walking back toward his prison cell. He didn't want to be there, that much was obvious, but the fact that he was willing to submit himself to imprisonment spoke volumes for his character. “You know, theoretically, it's been more than two years since I got laid,” he said at last. “I mean... in my mind it's only been a few months, but still...”

 

“Sorry,” James murmured.

 

“Is it against the rules?”

 

“I, uh... I don't know.”

 

“Then why'd you stop it? Just out of curiosity.”

 

James found himself rubbing the back of his neck again. “I really don't know,” he confessed. “Just thought you might regret it tomorrow. You were pretty fucked up.”

 

“I know how to handle my liquor, Vega. I never do anything I don't want to.”

 

“I'll uh... keep that in mind.”

 

“Good.” They were silent for the rest of the trek. Shepard thanked him for the drinks and bid him goodnight at the door of his cell, then James was staring at a glowing red lock.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and hopefully, enjoying!
> 
> The song Shepard plays on the jukebox is Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin.
> 
> tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running into old friends isn't always a pleasant experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day early! Lucky y'all! And another gratuitous shot of Shepard's naked ass. How can you go wrong?!
> 
> I'm tickled to death at the response I've gotten to this story! Thanks for the comments and kudos! I'm glad y'all are falling in love with these guys like I have. If you haven't seen it, go back to chapter 1 and check out FallingOverSideways' gorgeous artwork!! :)

Shepard was still asleep when James brought his breakfast the next day. He was sprawled naked on top of the covers again, white ass shining in the sunlight from the window. With a groan, he sat up and pulled his boxer briefs on without even trying to hide himself. He stood and straightened his underwear, sticking his hand inside and adjusting himself, like James wasn't even in the room. “Morning, lieutenant,” he mumbled, scratching his head and yawning. “Hell of a night last night. I had fun... until you decided to get all noble on me and defend my honor.”

 

“Sorry man. I had hoped you'd have forgotten about that.”

 

“I wasn't that drunk,” Shepard said, sitting at the table to eat his breakfast. “You should bring some food with you next time. It feels weird with you watching me eat.”

 

“Only if you promise to put some pants on,” James said, grinning.

 

“Sorry,” Shepard muttered, standing up to retrieve his pants. “I want to go shopping this morning. There's a fridge and microwave in here. Figured I could keep some drinks and snacks.”

 

“Whatever you want, Commander.”

 

“You know I'm not a commander anymore, right? Just plain old John Shepard – ex-marine and war hero, and traitor – now.” He sat back down at his plate, picking absently at a slice of bacon and staring out the window. “Fighting's the only thing I've ever been good at, and now they won't even let me do that.”

 

James took a seat across from him, and Shepard glanced at him before returning his gaze to the horizon. “You'll be back in the thick before you know it, Commander. No way they'll keep you in here forever.”

 

“Feels like it's already been forever. Doc Chakwas will be happy to find out I've been getting so much rest, though.”

 

“Doc Chakwas?”

 

“Normandy's medic. Great gal. Very motherly,” he laughed. “She's been patching my ass up for the last year... well... it's been more than a year for her, but... shit...” He rubbed his eyes. “Still feels like the Battle of the Citadel was less than six months ago,” he muttered. “She's always harping on me to eat better and get more rest. Wonder what they did to her... Hope they didn't lock her up like me.” He finished his food and pushed the tray away. “Give me ten minutes to shower then we'll go.”

 

James waited, listening to the shower running and Shepard singing. That made him laugh. Commander Shepard was a shower singer? It seemed ridiculous. Exactly ten minutes later they were on their way out the door. Shepard's hands were stuffed in his pockets again, boots scuffing along the sidewalk kicking little pebbles out of his way. They made it to the PX where Shepard filled a basket with an assortment of junk food and booze plus a deck of playing cards. He had to sign five autographs before they could even get out the door.

 

On their way out, Shepard collided with a brown haired woman. “Shit, I'm sorry,” he said then stopped dead in his tracks. “Williams?”

 

“Shepard? I thought...”

 

He pointed to the bracelet on his ankle, then at James. “This is my babysitter, Lieutenant James Vega, Operations Chief Ashley Williams.”

 

“Lieutenant,” the woman said, saluting James.

 

“Just out grabbing some essentials,” Shepard said. “Heading back to my cage right now.”

 

“I'm not here to check up on you, Shepard,” she said. “I was coming to do some shopping of my own.”

 

“Lucky break for me then,” he said, looking around uncomfortably.

 

“You look good,” she told him.

 

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks. You too.”

 

She huffed a laugh. “Well this is awkward.”

 

“You made it pretty clear how you felt about me on Horizon,” he said, a hint of bitterness in his voice.

 

“I also sent you an apology. Which you never responded to by the way.”

 

“Didn't see the point,” he said. “Your mind was made up. Nothing I could say was going to change it. Would an email have fixed everything?”

 

“No.”

 

“Didn't think so.” Shepard looked past her, down the street, like he wanted to get away. James stood ramrod straight behind him, wishing he could get away, too.

 

“So that's it then?” Williams asked.

 

“Suppose it is,” Shepard answered. “Not sure how we can come back from there.”

 

“Shepard, I-”

 

“The Captain dies in your poem, Ash. Remember? Better to remember what was than wonder what could've been. I've got to go. It was good to see you.” He pushed past her and headed back toward HQ faster and with more purpose in his steps, like he was running from a ghost. “Let's go to the gym,” he said after he'd put his groceries away.

 

Shepard ran on the treadmill for an hour like a man possessed. Like a man trying to outrun old memories that were threatening to drown him. When his legs finally gave out, he stopped the machine and rested his head on his arms over the controls, sweat dripping off him and splashing around his feet, chest heaving. After catching his breath, he moved on to weights, pushing himself until James was worried he was going to tear something.

 

“Hey, Commander, why don't we head back? You look like you could use a break.”

 

“Only thing to do in that room is think,” Shepard said, pushing the barbel up over his head again. “The last thing I want to do right now is think.”

 

“I get that, but wearing yourself out-”

 

“Maybe I want to wear myself out, Vega,” he snapped. “Maybe I want to make it so that the only thing I can do in that room is sleep and forget.”

 

“You and Williams were close,” James asked cautiously.

 

Shepard snorted. “Yeah... we were close.” He dropped the barbel back into it's slot and mopped his face with a towel before downing an entire bottle of water. “Think there's a punching bag in here?”

 

“What if we go to the firing range instead?”

 

“Perfect.”

 

James watched Shepard pick up each pistol, inspecting it, testing its weight in his palm before finally deciding on the M-77 Paladin. James chose the M-6 Carnifex, then tapped a few commands into the console to set them up with a series of holographic targets moving down range with increasing levels of difficulty. “Think you can handle it, Commander?”

 

“Please, James,” Shepard said. “You're going to run home crying to mommy when I'm finished with you.”

 

They shot through eight rounds of simulated enemies. Shepard won every round by a landslide, but he was gentleman enough not to rub it in James' face. In fact, they spent another hour at the range with Shepard showing him a few tricks he'd learned in N-school on how to get quicker and more accurate. The ninth time they played a simulation, James came close to catching Shepard's record.

 

They'd missed lunch, and both of them were starving. “If I buy will you go get us a pizza?” Shepard asked. “By my calculations I still have an hour outside today. Think there's somewhere we could go?”

 

“There's some pretty cool views of the city from the roof,” James said.

 

“Great,” he passed James a handful of credits and headed for the shower.

 

**

 

They sat on the roof with the pizza and a six pack of beer. “Want to talk about Williams,” James asked.

 

Shepard shrugged. “There's nothing to talk about. Not anymore,” he said taking a swig of his beer then blowing on his pizza slice.

 

“Did you love her?”

 

“I don't know. Maybe it was heading that way. I'll never know now.”

 

“No second chances, huh?”

 

Shepard looked at him and frowned, “I'm not a vindictive person, James. She can barely stand the sight of me. She called me a traitor. Doesn't believe me about Cerberus. Thinks I defected and laid low for two years. How do you ever get past something like that?”

 

“Yeah, that's tough man. But... I uh, thought you were...”

 

“Gay? Nah... I could go either way.”

 

“So... bi?”

 

“Does it have to have a label?”

 

“I guess not,” James said, scratching the back of his head.

 

“What about you, James? What labels define you? Or are you not so easily defined?”

 

“I'm straight,” he said confidently.

 

“Are you? How do you know? Maybe you just haven't met the right guy – the one that'll light that spark for you. There was a time in my life when I thought I could be defined by terms – straight, gang banger, marine, Spectre, Commander – all meaningless now.”

 

“You were a gang banger?”

 

Shepard shrugged. “We didn't all have a peaches and cream upbringing, Vega.”

 

“Neither did I,” he said. “I just didn't know about your past is all.”

 

“I was eighteen the first time a guy got my engine going. Thought I was straight until that point. He was a fellow recruit, so he was off limits, but when basic was over, we spent a week in a hotel together. Neither of us had a family to go back to. Haven't seen him since... You ever wonder if the people you've crossed paths with remember you?”

 

“Sure,” Vega shrugged.

 

“I guess in the end, that's all anyone wants – to be remembered. And I suppose we're all remembered for our deeds not for who we are, which is a real shame, because sometimes good guys do really fucked up shit and evil people do something grand.”

 

“You mean like terrorists reviving the Savior of the Galaxy who in turn, wiped out a colony of batarians.”

 

Shepard picked at the label on his beer bottle. “Yeah... like that,” he murmured. “I'm a good guy, James. I didn't want to do it. My friend Garrus calls it ruthless calculus – these people over here die so those over there can live. That was the decision I was faced with. What would you have done?”

 

“I don't know Commander. It's easy to say I would have done the same thing you did, but... never having been in that situation, it's impossible to know for sure.”

 

“Would you _please_ stop calling me commander? Call me Shepard or, hell, here's a thought, call me John. It _is_ my name after all.”

 

“I can call you Shepard.”

 

“Fine... just... no more commander.”

 

“Yes sir,” James smirked, and Shepard shot him a glare.

 

“I will kick your ass all over this roof,” he said.

 

“Naw you won't.”

 

Shepard grunted in disapproval.

 

“You're a good guy, remember?”

 

“No fair turning my own words against me, James.” He finished his pizza slice and tossed the crust back into the box, grabbing another beer and twisting the cap off. “Ashley was the last,” he mused. “I died just a few days after... I died, James. It's so...”

 

“Fucked up?”

 

“Fucked up,” he agreed. They sat in silence gazing across the lights of the city. “Looks like rain,” he muttered after awhile.

 

“Rains a lot in Vancouver.”

 

“So how'd you end up with this shit detail, Vega? Who'd you piss off?”

 

James laughed. “Anderson asked me personally as a favor to him. He thought we'd get along.”

 

“He's always right, so...” Shepard trailed off, nodding his head and yawning. “Well, our second date went fairly well,” he said. “Maybe next time I'll get naked for you.” He stood and started cleaning up their trash, and James just stared at him, speechless.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading and showing me love! It's more appreciated than you know! 
> 
> As an aside, I don't hate Ashley. I just think that the way the game handled the meeting and follow up with the Virmire survivor was crap. Humans are too emotional to just say, "oh, Ok," and move on. Plus, you know, the story is about Shepard and James, not Ashley, so there has to be a break up! ;)
> 
> FYI - Shepard is pansexual if you're curious. 
> 
> Here I am on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> I'll be back next week, same bat time, same bat channel with another update! ;)
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Shepard go walking in the rain. James has an epiphany.

James brought two trays of breakfast the next morning. Shepard was curled up on the couch with a blanket around his shoulders and watching the rain slide down the window. “You ever go walking in the rain, James?”

 

“On purpose?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Can't say that I have, Shepard. Why, you want to go?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Come on then.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Whatever you want, Shepard.”

 

“Whatever I want?”

 

“Within reason,” James amended with a chuckle.

 

Shepard pulled on his sneakers and a hoodie. It was the kind of cold rain that seeped into your bones and made you feel like you'd never be warm again. James pulled his raincoat up around his neck, and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He glanced at Shepard, who's hoodie was already soaked through. The man looked like a half drowned puppy, but he kept walking, head up, letting the water trickle down his face. “You're going to freeze to death,” James said.

 

“Already done that once,” Shepard replied. “Not worried about it.”

 

“So what is it about walking in the rain?”

 

“I dunno. Never took the time to appreciate it, I guess. Death does that to you, you know? Makes you realize all the things you left undone. The last rain storm I was in was on Pragia – helping one of my squad lay some ghosts to rest. All I could think about was how uncomfortable it was to have water running down inside my armor. Didn't take the time to enjoy the experience for what it was.”

 

“And what was it?”

 

“It was a warm, muggy rain. The kind that would've felt good to run barefoot through, to dance in, to make love in. The kind that made you feel clean and good inside. Not like this. This is the kind of rain you want to hide from. To pull your hood up around your ears and duck your head and move through it as quickly as possible. But sometimes it's good to feel cold. To remind your body that there are unpleasant things. That there's a hot shower and a cup of coffee waiting at the end of the journey to chase away the icy feeling in your chest.” He stopped and held his hand out, palm up, watching a little puddle of water forming in the center. “I grew up in Seattle. Rains there all the time, but it's more like a drizzle. Not like this. Heavy rain that can actually wash the dirt away. Wash your sins away.”

 

“What sins have you committed lately, Shepard?”

 

Shepard looked at him and grinned. “You a priest, Vega? My confession might make your ears blush.”

 

James chuckled. “Why, you been imagining me naked or something?”

 

“Oh, absolutely!” He dumped the puddle of water out of his hand and took off down the street again, James stumbling behind, dumbfounded. “How about a cup of coffee?”

 

They ran into Admiral Hackett at the coffee shop, and Shepard didn't even bother saluting the man. The admiral insisted on paying for their coffee, saying it was the least he could do for him. Shepard humphed but didn't say no to the cup of coffee. “I'm sorry, Shepard,” Hackett told him. “I wish things could have turned out differently.”

 

“So do I,” Shepard said, taking the coffee, and shaking the admiral's hand. When Hackett was out of sight, Shepard flipped him off. “Little rebellions,” he muttered when James cocked an eyebrow at him.

 

“Don't tell me you and Hackett...”

 

“No dude,” Shepard said. “Nothing so juicy.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Hackett was the one who ordered me to Bahak, the one who ordered me to take the fall. I don't really blame him, but it felt good to flip him off anyway.”

 

They made their way back to Shepard's cell, dripping wet and frozen to the bone. “Wouldn't a fire place be nice right about now?” Shepard began stripping out of his wet clothes and got them both a towel. “Want to use my shower?”

 

“Well, I don't have any dry clothes to put on.”

 

“You can borrow a pair of my sweats. I don't have any shirts that would fit you though, sorry. We can wash and dry your clothes. I do have a machine.”

 

“Okay, then. Thanks.”

 

When they were both showered and wearing dry clothes, Shepard got them each a blanket to cover up with and turned on an old movie. Halfway through, James glanced over at him and saw that the Commander was sound asleep, head on the arm rest of the couch. It had been a strange few days. He supposed everyone had their own ideas about the type of person Commander Shepard was. James' own image of him was nothing like the real thing. Shepard was an ideal – a symbol – of what humanity could be and accomplish if they just worked hard enough. He was a soldier – arguably the best soldier – a Spectre, a hero.

 

The reality was that Shepard was just a man. A man with feelings and desires, disappointments and regrets. He regretted what he'd done to the batarians, and knew there was no atonement for it. He was disappointed with the way things had turned out between him and Chief Williams. He was heartbroken over it. The Commander Shepard of everyone's imagination didn't have a heart to break. He was a legend, above the ailments and maladies of mere mortals. And yet, the truth was that he was a tired, disillusioned man, curled into a ball under a fluffy blanket and snoring away while Star Wars played on the vid screen.

 

Shepard was human.

 

And for some reason that rocked James' world more than realizing that he was into men.

 

He shifted in his sleep, his bare foot slipping from underneath the cover, pressing against James' thigh. It was freezing. James could feel it even through his blanket and sweatpants. He tried to tug Shepard's blanket down over the exposed foot, but the man just bunched it up tighter around him. With a sigh, James draped his own blanket over it, feeling a silly need to protect him from the cold. After several minutes, he didn't feel any warmer, and James covered Shepard's foot with his hand, rubbing lightly to try to warm it up. The man stirred, but didn't wake, sighing contentedly in his sleep and wiggling his toes. Something sparked in James' chest – warm and familiar, yet unnerving at the same time. He jerked his hand away, and Shepard sat up with a gasp, looking around blearily, pulling his leg back to his side of the couch.

 

“Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes with his fists. His normally shaved hair had gotten long enough in the last week or so to have a flat spot where he'd been leaned against the couch, and James grinned. He looked so young, so vulnerable, so... cute.

 

_Cute?_

 

He shook his head and turned his attention back to the movie. The rain was coming down in a torrent now, the sky dark despite the fact that it was mid afternoon. The whole scene outside was dreary and depressing, but James felt hot – like his heart was burning out of his chest. He tried clearing his throat, but it didn't help. Shepard glanced at him then back at the movie. James coughed, but still the feeling persisted. “Need some water or something,” Shepard asked.

 

“Yeah... Please.”

 

The Commander brought him a bottle of water and watched with mild concern while he drank it. “Just... a tickle in my throat,” James said, waving the concern away.

 

“You sure?”

 

James just nodded and indicated that Shepard should resume his seat, but he was very aware that the Commander kept watching him out of the corner of his eye.

 

**

 

Sometimes James wished he could stay with Shepard even at night. He thought the man must get pretty lonely, and he knew Haynes – the night guard – wasn't much of a conversationalist. But he needed to go home and sleep and do the things people did to get ready for the next day at work. After more than a week of babysitting Shepard, James had his first day off, and he puttered around his apartment feeling inexplicably dejected.

 

It was raining again, and every time he looked out the window, he saw Shepard, dripping wet and staring up at the sky, catching puddles of rain in the palm of his hand, crystal droplets forming on his long eyelashes and making his blue eyes sparkle more than normal. Where were these thoughts coming from? He was man enough to admit that Shepard was a good looking guy. He wasn't blind, but he'd never thought of a guy like this before – analyzing the way water drops on his eyelashes reflected the light. He felt like he needed to go find a willing woman just to get it out of his system.

 

Finally, he dressed in jeans and a gray button down shirt and headed to Moody's - that same seedy dive he'd gone to with Shepard. The guy from the bathroom was there, sitting on a bar stool. James ordered a beer and a shot of tequila and raised his glass to the man.

 

“Where's your friend?” The man asked.

 

“At home.”

 

“That's too bad. He was cute.”

 

James humphed – neither confirming nor denying the allegation.

 

“Put his on my tab,” the guy told the bartender. He paid the bill and turned to James, “Tell your friend I said hello.”

 

“Sure. Thanks for the drinks.” James saluted with his beer bottle and watched the man walk away. He was actually a very good looking guy – lean and muscular, green eyes deep set in his heart shaped face, chiseled jaw coming to a point at the end of his strong chin, a perfectly trimmed goatee and a wavy mass of thick dark hair. He was hot, and James felt sick to his stomach.

 

He should have just let Shepard have his fun with the guy. James had a pretty good sense about people. Bathroom Guy was just a regular Joe looking for some companionship. Companionship that Shepard was willing to provide for the man in exchange for some of his own. In the end, Shepard was just a lonely guy who'd been shit on over and over by the galaxy. Who the hell did James think he was trying to deny him whatever little comfort or happiness he could find?

 

James was lit by the time he left the bar. He wandered aimlessly down the street, surprised when he found himself outside of HQ. He debated whether he should go up to see Shepard or just go on home. Suddenly, he was standing outside the Commander's room, banging on the door. The weekend watchman, Phelps, was eyeing him suspiciously, but James just shrugged and grinned at him.

 

Shepard opened the door, looking half asleep. “Vega?”

 

“Can I come in?”

 

“Yeah.” Shepard moved out of the way and made a sweeping gesture with his hand. “Something wrong? It's 0200.”

 

“It is?”

 

“It is. You drunk?”

 

“A little. Went back to that dive you took me to the other night. Your dude was there.”

 

“My dude?”

 

“From the bathroom?” He went on when Shepard made an 'oh' of understanding with his mouth. “Said to tell you hello.”

 

“Well, hello to him.” Shepard watched him, something like amusement in his eyes.

 

“Can... can I ask you something?” James came to the sudden realization that Shepard was standing there in his underwear. Underwear that he filled out quite nicely, actually. His eyes roved the Commander's nearly naked body. He was hot – hard muscle, trim waist, and that vee of muscle that pointed down to his... The little trail of dark hair under his naval.

 

“Sure,” Shepard said, forcing James' eyes back up to his own. James swallowed, hard.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

Shepard's eyebrows rose sharply. “You want to kiss me?”

 

“Yeah... I mean... yeah.”

 

“Why?” Shepard's arms were crossed over his chest, weight shifted back onto one foot, and his blue eyes were boring into James' brown ones.   
  


“Just... just to see what it'd feel like.”

 

“You don't think you'd regret it tomorrow?”

 

“I can handle my liquor, Shepard,” James said, turning the Commander's own words against him. Shepard chuckled.

 

“You came all the way here just to kiss me? What the hell happened to you tonight?”

 

“N-nothing happened, I just...” he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I just want to kiss you.”

 

“Vega... I would be happy to kiss you... but not like this. If you still want to kiss me when you're sober, then just let me know. Why don't you crash on my couch tonight?”

 

“Nah... I think I'll go on home,” he said, shuffling from foot to foot, obviously embarrassed.

 

“I didn't say _no_ , James,” Shepard said, voice soft and warm. James looked up at him, heart pounding in his chest so hard he thought it might break out. “What kind of man would I be if I let you go through with this in the state you're in?”

 

“I dunno. You were willing to screw that guy at the bar the other night.” His voice was more accusatory than he meant for it to be.

 

“That was different,” Shepard huffed. “I'll never see that guy again. His opinion of me doesn't mean jack shit. Yours does. Besides, when you kiss me I want it to be because you want me not because you're full of liquid courage.”

 

“You want me to kiss you?”

 

“Very much so... but not like this, okay?”

 

“Okay,” James said. “See you Monday, Shepard.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and leaving feedback!! :)
> 
> I'm on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is mopey, and James doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about some drunken shenanigans today?

Shepard didn't bring up the kissing thing on Monday. James brought him his food, and refused to make eye contact with him. Shepard ate his breakfast and suggested they head to the gym and the shooting range like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. By the time they were halfway through their workout, James was relaxed and had put his drunken indiscretion behind him. They fell into a routine after that. James would bring both of their breakfast trays and they'd eat together, talking about everything and nothing. Then they'd either go to the gym or the range or out for a walk in the park.

 

Two months after the attempted kissing incident, they strolled alongside the pond in the park, Shepard tossing bread crumbs to the ducks that waddled around their feet. Neither of them had mentioned it in all that time. Today, the Commander was unusually quiet, and it made James feel uneasy. “What's wrong, Shepard?”

 

He glanced at James, blue eyes sad and bleak. “Nothing,” he muttered, turning his attention back to the ducks. “You ever heard the saying 'like water off a duck's back'?”

 

“Sure, I guess.”

 

“That's what they all expect of me,” he said. “Like none of this is supposed to matter. Like they can keep me locked away forever with only two hours a day outside, and I'll come out just like I was when I went in. Like they can keep my friends away from me and expect that it won't affect me... mentally, emotionally. Like vids and books and two hours outdoors can replace human contact... no offense.”

 

“You're lonely.”

 

“Hell yes, I'm fucking lonely!” He shouted, then sighed, and rubbed his face with a hand. He wandered over to a bench and sat down, tossing the last of the breadcrumbs into the water and wiping his palm on his trousers. “Sorry, James... I didn't meant to yell at you. I do have friends, you know? Though you wouldn't know it seeing my visitor register.”

 

James didn't know what to say. He'd never been one for words, really. He was more a man of action. Shepard was that unique breed that was good with words and action. He could talk or fight himself out of every jam but this one, the one he wanted out of more than anything. A man like Shepard wasn't made to sit idle. He needed action, needed the endless expanse of outer space, needed the stars, needed the thrill of battle. It was inborn, and no amount of wishing for it would negate that deep seated need in his soul. James recognized the same urgency in his own heart.

 

“I just want to start walking down that street and keep going... never look back,” Shepard said. “Don't you ever just want to pretend that things are the way you want them to be?”

 

“Everybody does, Shepard,” James told him, sitting beside him on the bench, shooing the ducks away with his foot. “Nothing wrong with dreaming a little.”

 

“Except when you make yourself heartsick,” he said. “Let's go back. I don't much feel like walking today.”

 

“Want to go to the range?”

 

“Nah,” he took off in the direction of the HQ building, scuffing his boots in the way James had become accustomed to. He imagined that Shepard was a completely different person on the battlefield. That his steps were sure and purposeful instead of shuffling and aimless. Pebbles skittered out of his path as his toe connected with them. “Do you like sushi?”

 

Random. Shepard was sometimes very random. “Never had it.”

 

Shepard grabbed his coat sleeve and dragged him toward a sushi bar. He ordered for both of them since James didn't know what the hell all of it was. “The dragon roll is my favorite,” Shepard informed him. “And it's cooked in case raw fish freaks you out.” The Commander was an expert with chopsticks, while James decided to just stab his sushi with a fork. Shepard laughed, and it warmed James to his toes, making his insides curl up with a happy, sappy joy. He got too much wasabi paste on one bite, and Shepard laughed again as he downed his entire glass of sake in one go, and Shepard's, too.

 

“Thanks for this,” Shepard said as they finished up their meal.

 

“For what?”

 

“For humoring me. For pretending like you enjoy spending time with me.” He looked out the window to avoid James' eyes.

 

“I'm not pretending. I do enjoy spending time with you.”

 

“I really thought this would only last a couple of weeks, but it's been nearly two months now,” Shepard said. “I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this.” His eyes looked hollow, and it made James' stomach churn. He wanted the joy and laughter back. His world felt hollow without Shepard's smile. And the worst part was that he didn't know what in the hell to do with all these feelings. He suddenly wanted to kiss Shepard. More than he'd ever wanted anything in his life, in fact, but he figured that Shepard would just think he was trying to make him feel better – a sympathy kiss. James didn't want to make the man feel worse than he already did. “Sorry I'm not better company today, James.”

 

“Everybody has their down days, Commander.”

 

Shepard scowled at him. “You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James.”

 

“My bad... _Commander._ ”

 

Blue eyes narrowed on him even further, but then Shepard laughed and shook his head. “Take me home, James.”

 

“Let's make one more stop first,” the lieutenant suggested.

 

**

 

James pulled out his pocket knife and started slicing limes while Shepard shuffled the cards. “Haven't had tequila in forever,” Shepard muttered.

 

“It's good for your soul,” James said. “Makes you a better person. Gives you heart.”

 

The Commander looked dubious, but dutifully held up his shot glass after sprinkling some salt on the back of his hand. “To being a better man,” he said.

 

“Salud,” James replied.

 

Shepard pulled a face as he sucked on his lime. “Damn! Why the hell do people drink this shit?”

 

James just laughed and took the cards from the Commander, shuffling them once more before dealing them out. “We playing for cold, hard cash or what?”

 

“I'm a man of limited means these days, James. Technically, I'm unemployed.”

 

“Right. Bragging rights, then.”

 

Shepard studied the cards in his hand, brow furrowed in concentration, and James was so busy studying the wrinkle right between those blue eyes that he didn't even realize that Shepard was watching him until he cleared his throat. “You okay?”

 

“Uh... yeah,” James said, looking at the cards in his own hand. “I think we need another shot.”

 

The Commander just shrugged and reached for the bottle, refilling both their shot glasses. “I'm going to try it without the salt and lime this time.”

 

“Suit yourself, Shep.”

 

“My friend, Kasumi, always called me Shep,” he said absently, laying two cards face down and motioning for two more. “She's a thief. Best in the business. She can break into any place. Pretty telling that she hasn't been to visit me.”

 

“You think she could get in here.”

 

“If she wanted to,” Shepard said.

 

“Just because she hasn't doesn't mean she doesn't want to,” James pointed out.

 

“You're just trying to make me feel better.”

 

“I don't like seeing you mopey.”

 

“Is that the reason for the tequila? Trying to cure what ails me?”

 

James looked at him and shrugged. “Is that a problem?”

 

“Didn't know you cared so much.”

 

“Maybe I do.”

 

Shepard watched him for several long minutes, face unreadable, before tossing a few chips into the center of the table. “Not playing for real money kinda takes some of the fun out of it, huh?” He frowned.

 

“Nah... Being able to tell them in the break room that I whipped Commander Shepard's ass at poker will be reward enough.”

 

“Pfft... like you're going to beat me.”

 

They were both completely sloshed by the time the finally gave up all pretense of playing cards. “Monkeys?” James asked, incredulous.

 

“Fucking monkeys,” Shepard assured him. “Commander,” he said in his best Admiral Hackett impression, “Fifth Fleet here. We've got a situation only you can handle. Some goddamn fucking monkeys have stolen a data module, and only the first human Spectre can get the job done.”

 

“So, like what the hell did you do?”

 

“The fuck do you think? We searched all the damn monkeys till we found the fucking thing.” Shepard tended to curse more when he was wasted. He turned up the bottle of tequila, then passed it to James. “I like you, James.”

 

“I like you too, Shepard,” James said to one of the Shepard's sitting beside him on the couch. He wasn't sure it was the right one – the real one. “Looking at you makes me feel funny inside.”

 

Shepard snorted. “The fuck does that mean?”

 

“You know... funny... giddy... giggly.”

 

“I make you feel giggly?”

 

“Yes... When you're like this, giggly. The way you were this afternoon... not giggly.”

 

“Not giggly?”

 

“Sad.” James tried to focus. He wasn't sure which Shepard was real, which was probably a good thing because he would undoubtedly try to kiss the real one if he could find him. “I want to kiss you,” he admitted.

 

“You're drunk again. Why don't you ever want to kiss me when you're sober?” Shepard whined.

 

“I do... I just... never know when a good time is. You could kiss me when it's a good time, you know?”

 

“No... I want you to kiss me. I've kissed men before. I don't want to weird you out. It has to be your move.”

 

“Stubborn.”

 

“Not stubborn... okay, yes, I'm stubborn, but not about this. I... like you, James. I don't... I don't want you to regret anything. If it's your idea... if you make the first move, then it will be different. If _I_ make the first move you'll always wonder if it's what you really wanted. And if you kiss me, I don't want it to be just because you're curious about what it would feel like to kiss a man. I want to be wanted.” He took the tequila from James' hand and turned it up, letting his head fall back on the couch when he was done. “I'll be waiting when you're ready.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, leaving kudos! It means the world! <3
> 
> Go back to chapter 1 and look at the pretty art again. Do it! It'll make you happy! :)
> 
> Come see me on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James' attempts to kiss Shepard are thwarted yet again!

Shepard was doing some sort of strange martial arts routine when James entered the next morning with their breakfast trays. “Tai Chi,” Shepard said as James watched him. “Helps relax your mind and body.”

 

“You feeling tense, Shepard?”

 

The Commander shot him a look over his shoulder, lips pressed into a thin line. James held his hands up in surrender. “Lets eat before it gets cold,” the younger man said.

 

“Just let me finish this movement.”

 

James watched the way his body moved with fluid grace, muscles rippling beneath his bronzed skin. There were three large moles in the center of his back that he'd never noticed before. His fingers itched to touch them, to trace a pattern between them. Shepard was wearing shorts, and his leg muscles contracted as he lunged forward to complete the movement. James was mesmerized by the action, wanting to touch them, to touch Shepard everywhere his hands would reach, to cover every inch of his skin. “Want to do it with me,” Shepard asked, a little breathless.

 

“Sure.”

 

Shepard stepped toward James and put a hand on his shoulder pushing gently. “Step one foot backwards,” he said quietly, turning his shoulder until his torso was lined up properly. “Breathe in deep through your nose and out your mouth, then move your arms in a sweeping motion, like this.” He demonstrated the movement, and James copied him, though his movements were a little stilted. “Try to make it a little smoother,” Shepard coaxed, and James tried again, making his movements more closely resemble the Commander's.

 

They faced each other, eyes locked as they completed the movements again and again. James felt his mind relax, but his heart was racing, breathing matching Shepard's rhythm. He'd never been attracted to another man before, but he could finally be honest enough with himself to admit that's what was happening here. He liked Shepard, respected him, was attracted to him, now if he could just figure out what to do with all those feelings. He stumbled forward, and Shepard caught him, holding him steady with a firm grip on both his arms. He gulped and stepped closer to Shepard, slipping one hand around to the small of the Commander's back and drawing him closer still.

 

Shepard didn't say a word, just watched James to see what he would do. He was adamant about not wanting to make the first move. James wondered what kinds of moves the man would put on him after the first one had been made. He shivered at the thought, and Shepard smiled. The younger man brought his other hand up to the Commander's face, fingers tracing lightly up his jawbone, prickling against the smattering of dark stubble, and still Shepard didn't move, just waited patiently. He tipped his chin forward, leaning in to press their lips together.

 

There was a knock at the door, and the lieutenant sprang backward, while Shepard sighed. “Come in,” the Commander said.

 

Anderson walked in, and both Shepard and James saluted. “You're dismissed for today, Lieutenant,” Anderson said. “Commander, get dressed and finish your breakfast. You're going to be in meetings the rest of the day.”

 

**

 

James had never seen Shepard as agitated as he was the next morning. He sat at the table in his quarters staring out the window. His breakfast went virtually untouched, and every question James asked him was met with a monosyllabic answer. He was beginning to think he should just go take up his post outside the door.

 

“They're not going to let me out,” Shepard said at last.

 

“What? They can't just keep you here forever!”

 

“They can and they are. I'm too dangerous to be let loose. I know too many secrets, too much classified intel. I'm still a Spectre, and the Council refuses to revoke my status so I could get away with too much shit if they let me out. That's what they said.” There was a steely gleam in his eyes when he turned to look at James. “You should ask for a transfer, James. No need for both of our careers to be flushed at the same time. Everything I touch turns to shit in my hands.” He stood and threw his chair across the room. “I'm going to the gym.”

 

Shepard stomped off down the hallway toward the officer's quarters, people skittering out of his way. Even in sweatpants, Commander Shepard was a force to be reckoned with. James followed in his wake, wondering what he could say to make things better, finally deciding there was nothing that could be said. Shepard ran on the treadmill until he could barely hold himself up then moved on to the punching bags, pounding away until his knuckles were bleeding.

 

“Shep, come on. Let's take a break,” James said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Don't, James... just... It would be better to just let the batarians kill me. I can't do this. Can't be locked up for the rest of my life.” He held onto the punching bag with an iron grip, forehead resting against it. James didn't remove his hand, just kneaded his shoulder lightly.

 

“Don't give up, Shep. We'll figure something out.”

 

“We?” Shepard looked at him.

 

“I'm not requesting a transfer. You're stuck with me.”

 

The Commander smiled weakly. “You shouldn't stay. I'm not worth throwing your career away for. I was born a nobody, and I'll die a nobody. No one ever remembers the man behind the actions. And what do my actions say about me, James? I'm a mass murderer. A war criminal. I deserve to rot in prison, but I don't want to. I'm too much of a fucking coward to do it.”

 

“You're somebody to me,” James said firmly.

 

“Who am I to you, James?”

 

“My friend at least... maybe more. I'm trying to figure that out, okay? I like you. I... want to see what else is there, but I'm scared, alright? I'm man enough to admit that.”

 

“Well, that's more than I had an hour ago. Want to go watch a movie?”

 

“Yeah. Next time we go out, let me take you home, and I'll make you some of my abuela's huevos rancheros.”

 

“Eggs?”

 

“Yeah. The best eggs on the planet.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

**

 

Shepard was on his third rep of bicep curls when Ashley Williams stepped into the gym. James tensed, a spike of jealousy racing up his back. Ridiculous and misplaced, he knew, but still it was there. She nodded at the two men and went to the other side of the gym to begin her work out, and Shepard seemed perfectly content to ignore her. He was back at the punching bag, knuckles busting open again from the abuse they'd suffered the day before and bleeding all over the place, when Williams finally came to speak to him.

 

“We have to work together,” she said. “We might as well try to be civil.”

 

“I was being civil,” Shepard grunted as he punched the bag again. “You nodded at me. I nodded at you. We didn't call each other ugly names or anything. Not sure what the problem is.”

 

“Is this how it's always going to be,” she huffed.

 

“What the fuck do you want from me, Ash? We don't have to work together ever again. I'm finished, alright? They're not letting me out. I'm going to rot here, so just move on with your damned life and leave me the hell alone.” He punctuated his remark with one last punch to the bag before grabbing a towel to mop his face.

 

“Jesus, John,” she whispered, resting a hand on his arm. He shrugged her off.

 

“We're finished, Ash, so just... you know, don't do things like that. Please.”

 

“I still care about you, John.”

 

The muscles in his jaw worked as he ground his teeth. “Could have fooled me.”

 

“What the hell do you want me to say, John? What could I have done differently to show that I care?”

 

“Tell me you believe me about Cerberus,” he said, leveling his gaze at her.

 

“I... I don't...”

 

“See you around, Ash,” he said and headed for the door.

 

“You're not being fair, Shepard,” she said, grabbing his arm. “You can't just waltz back into someone's life after two years and expect things to go right back to the way they were.”

 

He wrenched his arm out of her grasp. “I'm not asking for things to go back to the way they were. I'm trying to give you your space. I'm trying to keep you from accusing me of being a traitor again. I didn't ask for any of this, you know? You're still acting like I left on purpose. Do you think this has been easy? For me it's only been a few months since Saren – less than a year, since...” He looked away, grinding his teeth. “I don't want us to be together anymore, Ash. I don't know how I can be more clear. There's... I have feelings for someone else, and you and I don't have to be friends just for old time's sake, okay?”

 

“Who is she?” She asked quietly.

 

“It's not a she,” he said. “And it's really none of your business. I've got to go.”

 

“You're with a guy?” James cringed at the accusation in her voice, but Shepard didn't flinch.

 

“I'm not with anyone. I said I have feelings for someone. I don't know if he returns my feelings or not.”

 

“I never knew that about you.”

 

“There were a lot of things you didn't know about me. Once upon a time, I'd hoped that we would have the time to learn everything there was to know about each other, but fate had other plans. I'm sorry about that, but things can't go back to the way they were. You were right... we're both different people now.”

 

“Then... I wish you all the best, Skipper.”

 

Shepard nodded, and gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Ash. I wish that for you, too.”

 

“I think I'm ready to take you up on that offer for dinner,” he told James as they made their way back to his room. “Just let me get a shower and we can go. If that's okay.”

 

“It's fine with me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos! I'm so glad y'all are enjoying this story. Sorry about the argument with Ashley. She caught him on a bad day. Again, I have nothing against her, and I promise, they will work things out soon. :) And, this story may be the closest thing I've ever done to slow burn, so I'm pretty proud of myself for that! :)
> 
> Catch me on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James brings John home for dinner, and things get heated.

“ Nice place,” Shepard said, looking around the apartment, while James set the groceries on the counter. “You live here alone?”

 

“ Nah. Got a roommate, but he's off world right now. The Alliance is still trying to rebuild Eden Prime. Should be back in a couple months.” 

 

Shepard nodded, picking up a framed photo to look at it. “Your dad?”

 

“ Uncle. Don't know where my dad is. Don't really care either.”

 

“ Anything I can do to help?” he asked, wandering into the kitchen with James.

 

“ Sit your ass down and drink that beer,” James said, twisting the cap off and setting the bottle in front of the Commander.

 

“ So, where are you from? You never talk much about your childhood.” Shepard took a swig of his beer.

 

“ Grew up on the Pacific coast. Sun and sand and girls in bikinis,” he winked at Shepard who grinned. “Dad took off before I was born. Mom died when I was young, and my abuela raised me.”

 

“ She still around?”

 

“ Yep. Calls me every Sunday to make sure I'm eating my vegetables and washing behind my ears.”

 

Shepard chuckled. “Siblings? Cousins?”

 

“ No siblings. Shitload of cousins. Seems like my folks were the only ones not all that into procreation. I was closest to my mom's sister's kids – Mia and Antonio. The three of us were always getting into some sort of trouble.”

 

“ I can imagine,” Shepard watched him with amused eyes.

 

“ What're you saying, Shep?”

 

“ I'm saying you have the look of a troublemaker about you, Vega, and you damn well know it.”

 

James grinned at him. “I'm pretty sure I'm offended now. What about you? You don't ever talk about your childhood either. What's your story? You said you were in a gang growing up?”

 

“ My parents and younger brother were killed by a virus that swept through the slums where we lived. Robbie was only three,” he said, looking down at the counter and tapping his fingers a few times before continuing. “I was seven, and the state put me in the foster care system. Sometimes that's a worse place to be than out on your own. The last home I was in was when I was ten. The dad beat the shit out of me for every little thing I did, so... I ran away. I was good at sneaking around and not being seen – an important trait for a kid who wants to remain invisible to have – and the Tenth Street Reds figured they could use me for a runner.”

 

James set a bowl of tortilla chips and some salsa in front of him. “What were you running?”

 

“ Whatever they needed – drugs, information, money. Cops didn't suspect a kid, and I was smart enough not to get caught by the rival gangs. In exchange, they fed me, gave me a warm, dry place to sleep, and protected me from anyone that might want to kidnap a little boy for their sick kicks.”

 

“ How'd you get out then?”

 

Shepard watched the man's hands as they quickly sliced through an onion. “I met Anderson when I was sixteen. I was out on a job, and shit went pear shaped. I was running down the street as fast as I could, and ran smack into him coming out of a bar. He grabbed me by the shoulders and seemed to realize that I was in deep shit, so he pulled me back into the bar, which was full of Marines. Anderson's N7 class was having a reunion, and when the junkies came in after me, the N7's formed a wall between me and them. Scared the shit out of them. Anderson took me home with him, and I never looked back. He adopted me a year later. Don't have anybody else.”

 

“ That's fucked up, man.”

 

He laughed. “Yeah... yeah it is, but what do you do? It could have been worse. I knew kids who had to whore themselves out just to get a hot meal. At least I never had to stoop to that, you know? And I picked up some skills that have proven useful in my career – stealth, hacking, lockpicking, shit like that. Never got hooked on the shit I was pushing, either, so there's that.”

 

“ My uncle was like my dad,” James said, stirring the sliced onion around in the oil in the pan then adding a can of crushed tomatoes. “He's Alliance – retired. Me and Antonio got into some shit when we were teens – drugs and fencing stolen shit. Uncle Emilio came and snatched both our asses up out of the middle of it, and he convinced me to join up. Never regretted it.”

 

“ Seems like the Alliance saved us both, then,” Shepard said around a tortilla chip. “That smells really good.”

 

“ Thanks. Abuela is the best cook in the world. I'm not as good as her, but this is my favorite dish. She made sure I knew how to make it before I left home. Better than eating re-hydrated noodle soup all the damn time.”

 

“ Yeah,” Shepard laughed. “Had a roommate on Arcturus that taught me a few things about cooking. Maybe I can impress you one of these days.”

 

“ You don't have to try to impress me, Shep. I'm plenty impressed.” James said, and Shepard blushed, wiping his palms on his jeans. “So... this person you have feelings for... Is that me?”

 

“ At least you don't mince words,” Shepard said dryly, then sighed, “Yeah. No point in lying about it, I suppose.”

 

“ Why'd you tell her?”

 

“ Because I wanted you to know that I wasn't interested in her anymore. That no matter what she said, I didn't feel the same way.”

 

James stopped what he was doing and locked eyes with the Commander. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

 

“ No. Which is another reason I won't make the first move. I don't trust my own judgment right now, to be honest.” He glanced away from Vega's gaze.

 

“ Maybe you should talk to a therapist while you're in lock up.”

 

“ You think I'm going crazy, Vega?”

 

“ Maybe... you certainly seem a little loco to me.”

 

Shepard laughed again. “Well, I appreciate your honesty anyway.” He watched silently as James added spices to the sauce and began frying the tortillas for the base of the dish. Neither of them said anything for awhile, both lost in their own thoughts.

 

“ What is it you like about me, anyway,” James asked.

 

“ Well... you're hot,” Shepard said waving his hand at the younger man. “I mean... come on! And... I feel comfortable around you,” he shrugged. “You make me laugh and relax. Not many people can do those things.”

 

“ You're pretty hot yourself,” James told him.

 

“ Thought you weren't into guys,” Shepard grinned.

 

“ I'm not... I think I'm just into you.”

 

“ Maybe later.” Shepard winked, and James nearly spilled the sauce all over himself. “Smooth, Vega.”

 

“ Well... you're distracting.”

 

“ I can wait outside.”

 

“ You're a good distraction.”

 

“ That's good to know. Can I get another beer?”

 

“ Help yourself.”

 

“ Don't be looking at my ass when I bend over into the fridge now.”

 

James rolled his eyes, but totally checked out his ass when he bent over, turning away quickly when Shepard stood back up. It was a pretty spectacular ass.

 

“ You did it didn't you?” Shepard asked with a smirk.

 

“ Maybe. You have no proof.”

 

Shepard set another beer in front of James then sat across from the man again. When the food was ready, they took their plates to the tiny dining table. “This is really delicious,” Shepard told him around a mouthful. “Maybe I'll have to let you cook for me more often.”

 

“ Thanks,” James said. “Maybe I'd like that.”

 

“ You know I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, right?”

 

“ I'm not uncomfortable, Loco.”

 

“ Loco?”

 

“ Yeah... it suits better than Shep.”

 

Shepard shrugged, “Alrighty then.”

 

“ Besides, it's mine. No one else calls you that.”

 

“ True. I don't think anyone else would dare. Hell, Joker is the most irreverent person I know and even he calls me Commander most of the time.”

 

“ Joker?”

 

“ Normandy's pilot – Jeff Moreau. Goes by Joker. So you haven't even kissed me yet, and we're already at the pet name stage? What should I call you? Honey bunny?”

 

“ Do it and die,” James said. “I don't give a fuck who you are!”

 

Shepard laughed and held his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine. Honey bunny's out. Got it.” He cleared the table and insisted on doing the dishes while James sat on the stool and told him where everything went. The kitchen was cleaner than it had ever been by the time he finished. “Don't you ever clean this place?”

 

James shrugged. “Only when I have to.”

 

“ When is that? Because, this kitchen was beyond 'have to' and into 'health hazard' territory.”

 

“ You're pretty anal about that, huh?”

 

“ Cleanliness? Not having diarrhea? Yeah... I'm pretty particular about those things.”

 

James laughed. “I'll make sure to clean up for his highness next time, alright?” Shepard flicked him with the dishtowel. “Oh, now you've done it! I'm the best towel flicker in the world.”

 

“ Is everything a competition with you,” Shepard asked, actually giggling when James flicked him on the arm with his towel.

 

“ Pretty much,” he hissed when Shepard got him back. They danced around the tiny kitchen flicking each other with towels until Shepard cracked his hip on the corner of the counter.

 

“ Shit! That hurt. You win, you win. I surrender.” He hobbled over to the couch and fell onto it, groaning and rubbing his hip. “That's going to leave a bruise,” he whined.

 

“ Need some ice or something?”

 

“ Nah... I need to be getting back anyway. I'd hate for the MP's to bust your door down because I wasn't back in my cage on time. Besides, if I stay out much longer, I'm going to turn back into a pumpkin.”

 

“ You are not right. Come on then. Let me take you home.”

 

Shepard sighed and let James pull him up off the couch and into his arms, holding onto him for support as he got his feet back under him. “Thanks for dinner,” he said, so close their lips were almost touching.

 

“ You're welcome,” James replied, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Shepard looked away, not wanting him to feel pressured, but James gently turned his face back toward him with the tips of his fingers. The first press of lips was hesitant, a feather light brush of skin on skin, and Shepard waited, only responding with the same pressure that James applied. The lieutenant pulled back, eyes locked on Shepard's lips, and when he brought their mouths together the second time, it was more determined. Their lips slid together, warm and soft and perfect, the sting of stubble adding to the heat building between them. Shepard tried and failed to hold in a quiet moan when James' tongue traced the part between his lips. The sound only seemed to encourage the lieutenant, and the younger man's hand came around the back of Shepard's neck to pull him deeper. Shepard gripped the man's t-shirt, twisting it in his fists, pulling him even closer. When James tried to break away, Shepard quickly brought his hand to the back of the man's head to keep him close, leaving no part of his mouth unexplored.

 

When they were too deprived of oxygen to continue, they released their hold on each other, and Shepard rested his forehead against the younger man's. Neither of them said anything, just stood there breathing each other's air. James’ head was reeling, lips burning from the stubble around John’s mouth. He’d been nervous about kissing Shepard, about kissing a man, but the only thought that could find purchase in his mind now, was “more.” So, when they'd caught their breath a little, James pressed his lips against Shepard's again, arms wrapping around his back and pulling him tight. The Commander made a strangled noise, and James eased back, eyes questioning.

 

“Don't stop,” Shepard breathed, grabbing his collar and urging him forward until their mouths were locked together again. Shepard nibbled on his lower lip, and James moaned at the sensation, earning him a grin from Shepard. James could feel the Commander's mouth turning up into a smile.

 

“ Don't get cocky,” he murmured against the Commander's lips.

 

“ Not tonight, maybe, but... hopefully soon.”

 

“ You're really terrible, you know that, Loco?”

 

“ I'm actually pretty good... or so I've been told.”

 

“ Damn... not what I meant, but... damn.”

 

“ Better get me home before my dad comes looking for me, lieutenant.”

 

James kissed him again. “Fine, but I want to do more of this soon.”

  
“ Me, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting! I'm happy, happy that y'all are enjoying this story so! <3
> 
> I'm playing Andromeda, so won't be on tumblr much, but y'all are still welcome to come check it out: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Shepard go on their first official date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a huge shoutout to my amazing beta, sparkly_butthole! She's done an incredible job of helping me clean this story up some, and also working on the sequel! ;) She also writes wonderful mshenko, so please, go check her stuff out! 
> 
> Now, where were we? Oh, that's right... both boys wanted more kissing! ;)

Shepard was standing at the window staring out when James arrived the next morning. After setting the breakfast trays down, he spun the Commander around, and gripped his face with both hands, bringing their mouths together in a demanding kiss. Last night they'd both tasted of beer and spicy food; now it's minty toothpaste. Shepard moaned into James' mouth again, and the younger man's knees buckled. He pushed the Commander against the window to support them both, deepening their connection.

 

“ Good morning to you, too,” Shepard gasped when James finally relented.

 

“ I could barely sleep last night thinking about doing that,” the younger man confessed.

 

“ Me either.” The Commander pressed his lips to James' again, tender but brief. “Let's go to the gym before we eat today. What do you say?”

 

“ I say our food will be cold and we'll be starving by the time we get back. You run like a maniac when you get on that damned treadmill.”

 

“ We have a microwave,” Shepard pointed out, already slipping his sneakers and a tank top on. “Come on.”

 

James grumbled and snagged a piece of bacon off Shepard's tray. “Payment for skipping breakfast,” he muttered when Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him.

 

“ So, let me take you back to Moody’s tonight,” James said as they ran on the treadmill side by side. “I want to see you dance.”

 

“ You're only saying that because you've never seen me dance before, Vega,” Shepard said, barely winded even after three miles. “I suck at it.”

 

“ Even more reason for me to see it.”

 

“ You have a disturbing need to see me fail, James.”

 

“ It's always fun to see someone embarrass themselves, Loco. You should know that.”

 

Shepard grunted. “Not when it's me who's being embarrassed. I'll go out with you, but no dancing.”

 

“ Maybe I could teach you a few things,” James suggested.

 

“ Doubtful. I have two left feet.” They ran another mile before either of them spoke again. “So, will this be like our first date,” Shepard asked.

 

“ Uh... Yeah... Yeah, I guess it will.”

 

“ You gonna bring me flowers?”

 

“ No.”

 

“ Well, maybe I changed my mind, then, and I don't want to go on a date with you, you cheap ass bastard.” He stopped his treadmill and got off, walking slowly around the room to cool his muscles down.

 

“ Do.. guys really do that,” James whispered in his ear. “You know... when they're dating each other?”

 

Shepard smiled at him fondly. “Some do, I guess. I was just teasing you, though. Dating a guy isn't all that much different from dating a girl, James. Just... do what comes natural, you know? Don't over think it.”

 

“ I don't know if any of it comes natural,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“ You'll figure it out as you go.”

 

“ You're completely unhelpful, Loco. You know that?”

 

“ Would you like me to take you out on a date? Show you how it's done?”

 

James glanced around nervously. He'd enjoyed kissing Shepard. It had been hot as fuck. He really couldn't wait to do a little more than kissing. At the same time, he didn't want it to just be about sex, and he'd never had sex with a guy. He wasn't sure how it worked exactly, and he didn't know if he wanted to go... there. He wondered if they could have sex without anal.

 

“ Earth to James,” Shepard said, waving a hand in front of his face.

 

“ Uh... yeah. Sure.”

 

“ Alright, but you're still going to have to pick me up, because I can't leave by myself.”

 

James huffed a laugh. “It's like I'm dating a little kid.”

 

Shepard punched him on the arm. “Knock it off. Let's go shoot something.”

 

James showed up at Shepard's room wearing jeans, a dark t-shirt, and a blazer. He looked good enough to eat, and Shepard pulled him in for a breathless kiss before the two of them headed out to the bar. Bathroom Guy was there, and James put a possessive arm around Shepard's back when the man looked their way. Shepard just laughed and wrapped his arm around James' waist in return, steering him toward the bar. “Couple of shots of whiskey,” he told the bartender. “We're drinking a real man's drink tonight, Vega.”

 

“ Hey... tequila is the nectar of the gods, pendejo!”

 

“ Right. I think it's more like the piss of the gods. Whiskey... is where it's at, my friend.”

 

“ Este muchacho,” James muttered.

 

“ What's that? My translator didn't quite catch it.” Shepard's eyes danced with amusement.

 

“ It's nothing. What're we drinking to?”

 

“ To... new adventures,” Shepard said, eyes gleaming as he raised his glass. James huffed a laugh, but agreed with the toast, and both men downed their shots.

 

“ Ready to dance now, Loco?”

 

“ Not on your life. Really... I have very little dignity left as it is. Let me hold on to the last shred of it, please. Let's get some drinks and find a booth. What're you having?”

 

“ Beer. Whatever's on tap.”

 

Shepard shook his head. “You don't have to drink rot gut, you know? I'm not destitute.”

 

“ I'm a cheap date, what can I say?”

 

He shook his head again and waved the bartender over, “Draft beer for my friend and a scotch on the rocks for me, please.”

 

“ Scotch, huh?”

 

“ It's good. You should try it.”

 

“ I'm more of a beer and tequila kinda guy.” They took their drinks to a booth in the back of the bar and sat across from each other.

 

“ So, this isn't so bad, right?” Shepard asked him.

 

“ No... it's more like hanging out than a date though.”

 

“ Well, isn't that what dating is? Hanging out, getting to know someone? I sometimes feel like it's easier to date guys because there's less... pretending, you know? We can relate to each other better or something.”

 

“ So, you prefer dating guys.”

 

Shepard sighed, “I didn't say that. Stop trying to put me in a box, Vega. I prefer dating whomever I find interesting and attractive regardless of gender or species.”

 

“ So, you've dated aliens? Asari? Please tell me it was asari!”

 

“ Not dating, no, but yes, I've been with asari, and turian. You?”

 

James raised an eyebrow, but Shepard didn't offer any more information. “Asari, yeah. Once. On leave at the Citadel. How many guys you been with?”

 

“ A handful,” Shepard said. “I really don't sleep around much. I prefer real relationships. Not saying that there haven't been a few drunken 'why the fuck not's' but for the most part, I don't sleep with someone until there's something more there than just sex. What about you?”

 

James rubbed the back of his neck. “I've only had one serious girlfriend,” he admitted. “We dated for three years, but she couldn't handle me being gone so much. She started dating my cousin Antonio a couple years ago when I was out on cruise. Pretty much just been one-night stands since then.”

 

“ I'm sorry about that. Betrayal is one of the worst feelings in the world.”

 

“ Tell me about it. You... you're not upset that I've slept around?”

 

“ No. Why should I be? I mean... your past is yours, James. I can't alter it, and being jealous over it won't accomplish anything except making me a paranoid person. We all have our reasons for the things we've done in the past. If this,” he gestured between them, “goes somewhere, then I'll expect it to be exclusive, but I'm not going to fret over what was or what might happen. That's another thing death teaches you. You have to live now. You can’t spend time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.”

 

“ You have a... unique perspective on life. I like it.”

 

“ I'm older and therefore wiser, Vega.” Shepard grinned over the rim of his glass.

 

James scoffed, and a slow song started playing over the jukebox. Some cheesy, old thing. “What about slow dancing? You do that?”

 

“ You asking me to dance?”

 

He held his hand out and waited for Shepard to take it. The Commander downed his drink and took the lieutenant's hand and let James lead him out on the dance floor. “You're not so bad,” James said.

 

“ This is pretty much my only dance move, Vega. Regardless of the song playing.”

 

James laughed and took the lead, while Shepard brought their foreheads together. “Does this feel more like a date,” Shepard asked.

 

“ Yeah. This... is nice.”

 

“ Good. Though this song is cheesy as hell. If we keep dating, it's not going to be like...  _ our song _ , right?”

 

“ Of course it is. The cheesier the better when it comes to 'our song'.”

 

“ Right, of course. Leave it to you, Jimmy.”

 

“ I like that,” he said. “Nobody else calls me Jimmy.”

 

Shepard pressed their lips together, slow and easy, slipping his tongue into James' mouth. He tasted of strong liquor, and James' fingers twitched on his back. Shepard's fingers looped through the younger man's belt loops drawing him closer. They didn't end the kiss until the song was over, and Shepard tried to lead James back to the table. The younger man wasn't having it, though, and kept a firm grip on the Commander's hand as a more upbeat song came on.

 

“ Oh no! No, no, no, no! Not happening, Vega!”

 

“ Come on! Humor me?”

 

Shepard growled in frustration. “Dammit! I felt like I was just starting to get somewhere with you, and now you're going to see me flopping around like a fish out of water and run, laughing, in the opposite direction as fast as you can.”

 

“ You can't be that bad, Loco. Come on. Aren't you supposed to do what I want when you take me on a date?”

 

He narrowed his eyes, but James was having none of it. With a resigned sigh, Shepard started doing his infamous shuffling thing that never failed to leave his friends in stitches at his expense. “This isn't so bad. I can work with this,” James told him, and Shepard rolled his eyes. James laughed and gripped him by the hips. “You just need someone to teach you. Start by loosening up some. You're going to snap something you're so stiff.”

 

Shepard huffed, but tried his best to relax into James' touch and let the younger man guide him along with the music. “See,” James said, “you're getting it.”

 

“ I'm not getting it,” he told him. “I'm just enjoying the feel of your hands on my hips.”

 

“ Well, imagine my hands on your hips every time you try to dance then.”

 

“ I won't be dancing without you, so hopefully, I'll never have to just imagine it.”

 

James gave his hips a squeeze, and Shepard's eyes went dark. He looked away quickly, but not before James saw the look in his eyes. He squeezed again, and this time, Shepard closed his eyes and bit his lip. The younger man grinned, leaning in and pressing his lips to Shepard's. “Like that?” He murmured, kissing his way up to the Commander's ear.

 

“ Yeah.” His voice was breathless and raw, and it sent a shudder through James' body. Shepard felt it, and slid his hands to James' back, pulling him closer. “What do you like,” he breathed into the younger man's ear, lips brushing the shell. He heard James' low moan even over the music.

 

“ I like that... hearing your voice sounding so... wrecked. Your lips on my ear. Can... can we get out of here?”

 

“ Whatever you want, Jimmy.” Shepard nipped on the man's ear before pulling away and going to pay their bar tab. James was hovering by the door looking nervous when he returned. “You okay?”

 

“ Yeah, fine... fine.”

 

Shepard looked like he didn't believe him, but he held out his hand and waited for James to take it, lacing their fingers together before holding the door open for him and letting him lead them out into the night. They walked slowly back toward HQ, hand in hand. “We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, James. You know that right?” The Commander stopped under a street lamp and forced the younger man to look at him. “We can go as slow or fast as you want. And... you know, if it doesn't work out...”

 

“ I want it to work out.”

 

“ So do I, but... hell, I'm trying to give you an out here, James. If... I don't want you to feel  _ obligated _ to have sex with me, alright?”

 

“ I don't feel obligated, John. I... I've just never been with a guy, and I'm nervous, you know?”

 

“ So we'll take things slow. We don't have to do anything tonight. I just like spending time with you.” He stepped closer to the lieutenant, cupping his face in his hands. “You called me John.”

 

“ It's your name.”

 

“ Yeah, but you've never called me John before,” he smiled and pressed his lips to James'. “I liked it.”

 

“ I like being on a first name basis with you.”

 

John grinned and kissed him again, savoring the taste and feel of his lips, the burn of stubble, the almost sour taste of shitty beer on his tongue. He pulled back and looked at James, blue eyes tender and searching. “You know we don't have to do anal, right?”

 

James blushed furiously and shifted from foot to foot looking at anything but Shepard. The Commander chuckled.

 

“ Is that what has you so worried?”

 

The younger man simply nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment. His brain was still trying to reconcile the fact that  _ Commander Shepard _ was talking to him about anal sex.

 

“ Not everyone is into that, James. It's no big deal. There are plenty of other things we can try first, you know?”

 

His brown eyes flitted around nervously until he finally drew a steeling breath and forced himself to meet Shepard's gaze. “Do... uh... do you like it though?”

 

“ I do.”

 

“ Giving or... receiving?”

 

“ Both.”

 

“ Okay,” James coughed. “Okay.”

 

“ Relax, alright?” Shepard kissed him again. “Better get me home before it's too late.”

 

They moved more quickly back to Shepard's room, releasing each others hands when they were in sight of the HQ building. John let them into his room, and James grabbed him by the waist, spinning him and crushing their mouths together again, tongue delving greedily into the man's mouth. Shepard groaned and slid his hands down to cup James' ass, dragging him closer. The younger man froze at the contact, and Shepard moved his hands back up to the small of his back, breaking the kiss. “Sorry,” he muttered.

 

“ No.. I... I'm sorry,” James said. “Shit! This is awkward.”

 

John stepped out of his arms. “Maybe we should call it a night.”

 

“ But I thought-”

 

“ Can I be perfectly honest with you?” Shepard interrupted.

 

James shrugged.

 

“ If I had my way, I'd bend you over the back of the couch and fuck you senseless right this minute, but you're too nervous. I don't want to push. I don't want to rush you into anything.” He stepped closer again, bringing their lips together softly, “James... I care about you. I don't just want sex, and I can wait until you're sure you're ready.”

 

“ Now you have to go and be all sweet and shit. You know I'm going to have to go home and jerk off now, don't you?”

 

“ Think about me,” Shepard said, pressing his lips against the younger man's and shoving him gently out the door. Then James was once again left staring at the glowing red lock.

 

“ Goddammit!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and for all the encouraging comments and kudos! 
> 
> "Este muchacho" just means "this guy." 
> 
> I've still got the queue going on tumblr while I'm lost in Andromeda: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> xoxo,  
> Elle


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and John take a trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to my fantabulous beta, sparkly_butthole! (I wish I knew anything about html and could link to her profile, as it is, I recommend you look her up and read her stuff! It's amazing!)

James was concentrating on his shot, lining his sights up just so when Shepard leaned in and whispered against his ear, “So did you think about me last night when you were stroking your cock?”

 

The shot went wide right.

 

“ Dios mio,” he muttered. “You are a devious bastard, you know that?”

 

Shepard's grin could only be called shit eating, and he bumped James with his hip to move him out of the way so he could take his turn. “That's H-O-R for you.” They were playing some fucked up game of Horse where they had to try to ring each others shots on the target. Shepard was a cheating bastard, James had discovered. Every time he went to make a shot, the Commander whispered something in his ear or touched his ass or did something to distract him so that he'd miss. When James tried to turn the tables, Shepard remained cool as a cucumber and made the shot every fucking time. He'd already won three rounds. Evidently Commander Shepard was unflappable.

 

“ I did think about you,” James said, stepping behind the man, fingers ghosting over the swell of his behind. “Thought about what it would feel like to have my cock buried deep in this tight ass of yours.”

 

Shepard's shot went wide left.

 

“ Jesus,” he muttered.

 

Perhaps not unflappable after all.

 

James grinned, pressing his lips to Shepard's neck. The door opened, and the two men sprang apart. Shepard headed for the weapons bench and began breaking down his pistol, looking up to see Chief Williams walking in. James cursed under his breath. Why the fuck was she always showing up all the damn time?

 

“ How about some lunch, James,” Shepard asked, cleaning his gun with mind blowing speed and thoroughness.

 

“ How'd you learn to do that so fast?” James asked him, awe in his voice.

 

“ I've had plenty of practice handling my gun, Jimmy,” he murmured low enough for only James to hear. The younger man coughed. “You have to learn to be quick when you see as much action as I do.” He winked, and James flushed red.

 

The lieutenant cleared his throat. “So... I have a surprise for you for lunch.”

 

Shepard quirked an eyebrow at him. “And what would that be?”

 

“ A surprise. Come on.”

 

They both waved at Ashley on their way out, and she watched them until they were out of sight. James led Shepard to the roof of the building. It was a rare, sunny day in Vancouver. The air was still crisp, but the rays of the sun warmed them through. There was a picnic basket on a blanket close to where they'd sat for their beer and pizza several weeks prior. “Wow,” Shepard said. “This is nice...”

 

“ Yeah?”

 

“ Yeah.” Shepard grinned and pulled him in for a deep kiss. “See? I told you that it would start to come naturally to you.” Their lips met again.

 

“ You really like it?”

 

“ I do. Even Spectres like romance, James,” he winked. James pulled his head down for another kiss. “Did you really think about fucking me last night,” he asked, breathless, against James' lips.

 

“ I did... I may have done some... research.”

 

“ What kind of research?”

 

“ The kind I'm embarrassed to talk about, but... it gave me some ideas. And I feel a little less nervous about us.. you know.”

 

Shepard's lips moved along the underside of James' jaw, fingers teasing at the scruffy covering of hair on the man's face. “Good,” he mumbled, nipping his way up to James' earlobe, “'Cause I thought about you last night, too.”

 

James swallowed, hard. “Oh yeah?”

 

“ Yeah... thought about your hand on my cock instead of my own, stroking me. Thought about you taking me into your mouth. Your hot lips wrapped around my dick, your tongue tasting me.”

 

“ Holy fuck... Johnny.” James' fingers were digging into Shepard's hips painfully tight.

 

Shepard pulled back and pecked him on the lips. “So what's in the basket?”

 

“ God _ dammit _ ! You're an evil bastard, you know that?”

 

“ Something else on your mind, lieutenant?” He asked with mock innocence.

 

James muttered in Spanish under his breath. Too low for Shepard to hear. The Commander chuckled as the younger man dragged him toward the blanket. “Maybe I'll just throw you down on this blanket and have my way with you,” the lieutenant said, turning to face Shepard with a challenge in his brown eyes.

 

Shepard's grin was wolfish, and he shrugged. “If you think you can.”

 

“ Not going to make anything easy on me, are you?”

 

“ Would you want me to?”

 

“ No,” James admitted, sitting on the blanket and tugging Shepard down with him. “It's just peanut butter and jelly's,” he said apologetically.

 

“ Sounds perfect,” Shepard said. “I haven't had a good ol' PB and J in ages.” James passed him a bottle of root beer, and Shepard grinned. “Root beer either. When I was little, dad used to take me and Robbie to this ancient drug store in the better part of town – the kind with a soda fountain and a marble counter and shit. He'd buy us a root beer float to split. I remember it being the best thing in the entire world, but I haven't had one since they...” He trailed off, twisting the bottle in his hands.

 

“ Sorry, man,” James said, brushing his knuckles against his cheek.

 

“ It's good to remember them,” John said. “Robbie would have been twenty seven this year.”

 

“ Same age as me.”

 

“ Really?”

 

“ Yep. So were you close?”

 

“ He was so young when he died we didn't really have a chance to become close, but... I loved him. He was like the best Christmas present I ever got. I thought my parents brought him home just for me,” he chuckled.

 

“ He was born on Christmas?”

 

“ Just a few days before. My parents were dirt poor. Dad was a factory worker, and mom couldn't work because she was always sick. I think she had some sort of autoimmune disease, but I was too young to grasp what was really going on. I just know she was in bed more often than not. I rarely got much of anything for Christmas. Dad would always bring home some small toy and some candy, but that was about it. So when Robbie came home at Christmas, it felt like... I don't know... like we were the richest people in the world. None of the other kids at school got a baby brother for Christmas,” he chuckled, taking a sip of his root beer.

 

“ That's really damn cute,” James said, grinning at him.

 

Shepard cut his eyes toward the lieutenant. “No need to make fun of me,” he grumbled.

 

“ I'm not! It is. I wish I could see a picture of little tiny Loco doting on his baby brother.”

 

Shepard rolled his eyes. “Well, no pictures exist. I remember folks telling me that I looked like my dad. I remember that mom and Robbie had blond hair, but... that's about it. Mom had some kind of flowery perfume that she wore when she was feeling good enough to get out of bed. One time I smelled it in a restaurant, but I didn't think it would be a good idea to go sniff it out and try to find the woman wearing it. Talk about awkward.”

 

James laughed. “Yeah... I can see how that would be an uncomfortable situation.” He passed the Commander a sandwich and both of them chewed quietly for a few moments. “I'm sorry you never had a chance to really know your family,” Vega said at length.

 

“ Me too, but... it is what it is, you know? I've had twenty four years to get over it. I do sometimes wonder what they'd think of the person I've become, though.”

 

“ I'm sure they'd be proud as hell.”

 

Shepard looked at him, eyes soft. “You're not as bad at this whole dating thing as you pretended to be.”

 

The lieutenant chuckled and rubbed his neck. “You make it easy... Too much?” He asked when Shepard rolled his eyes.

 

“ Too sappy,” he laughed, then tugged James closer to press their lips together. “This is a good sandwich,” he said, taking another bite.

 

“ Who knew the way to Commander Shepard's heart was through a PB and J and a root beer?”

 

“ The way to my heart is through thoughtfulness,” he told him, “and this was a very thoughtful gesture.”

 

**

 

James and John were eating breakfast together the next morning, when Anderson knocked on the door. “Shepard, pack a bag for a few days. I'm getting you out of here,” the admiral said.

 

“ Sir?”

 

“ I said I'm taking you on a trip. Pack your shit. Just three days.”

 

John jumped up and grabbed a duffel bag and started shoving clothes down inside it. James grinned at his boyish eagerness. “Where we going?”

 

“ Rio. Remember that hotel we stayed at when you graduated N-School?”

 

Shepard whooped with excitement, then stopped and looked first at James then at Anderson. “Can James come?” He asked like a teenager asking his dad for his friend to sleepover or something.

 

The admiral looked between the two men for a minute, and James kinda wished the floor would swallow him. “No problem,” Anderson said. “Be back here in thirty minutes, lieutenant.”

 

The younger man didn't stick around to hear what Anderson said after that. Shepard held James' hand on the shuttle ride, not seeming to care that Anderson was sitting there watching them with a goofy grin while the Commander pretended to be asleep. The first thing James noticed when they stepped out of the shuttle was the gigantic statue of Jesus overlooking the entire city from a hill. It was kinda creepy, and James' abeula was staunchly religious. She had rosaries and figurines of the Christ all over her house. He should have been used to it.

 

“ Weird, huh?” John said, noticing where his gaze had gone. “I'll probably go to hell for this, but one night we sneaked out of the barracks and climbed the thing to paint a giant N7 on the back of it's head. We had to march for twelve hours straight after that as punishment, but... we did it! The city painted over it,” he said frowning.

 

James just laughed and shook his head as Anderson led them toward the hotel bar after the bellhop took their bags. “What'll it be boys?”

 

“ Pina Colada,” Shepard said, and James wrinkled his nose. “What? That's the kind of drink you're supposed to have in a place like this. Make it two, Anderson. And get us extra umbrellas!”

 

Anderson laughed at him, but went to the bar while Shepard led James to a table overlooking the Copacabana beach. “We also used to sneak down here to go skinny dipping with the waitresses from the resorts,” Shepard informed him, watching the people splashing in the water.

 

“ Thought N training was supposed to be rigorous and shit. How'd you find time to do all this damned sneaking around?”

 

“ You could consider it part of my training since I'm an Infiltrator.”

 

“ I'm guessing your instructors didn't buy that load of shit either, Loco,” he said, taking a sip of the frozen concoction that Anderson set in front of him. It tasted better than he expected, and he made a pleased humming sound that had Shepard grinning.

 

“ No they didn't,” Anderson said. “I was on the horn for hours trying to smooth things over with the mayor after Shepard scandalized his daughter one night.”

 

“ Hey! That was a complete misunderstanding!” Shepard said, holding his hands up in the air. “I didn't even touch her!”

 

“ Right.”

 

“ She looked like a dog's ass! I  _ wouldn't _ touch her... which is why she made up that fucking story. Besides, that wasn't even what we were talking about.”

 

“ What were you talking about then?” Anderson asked, eyes sparkling with mirth.

 

“ Skinny dipping.” Shepard pointedly looked away from both men and took a sip of his drink, smacking his lips in appreciation.

 

“ I took the liberty of ordering us some burgers,” Anderson said with a chuckle.

 

“ Sounds good to me. So who'd you have to kill to get them to let me out for a few days?”

 

“ No one. Just had to tell them that you were needed for training exercises at the Villa. Which is the truth by the way.”

 

“ You brought me here to work?” Shepard frowned.

 

“ In case you've forgotten, it's the ten year anniversary of you graduating N-School. As the first human Spectre, Admiral Tomlinson was hoping that you'd come give a demonstration of your skills for the graduating class and dignitaries.”

 

“ Take me back!” He said, scowling and standing up to leave, but Anderson grabbed his hand and yanked him back down in his seat.

 

“ Don't make a scene, Commander,” he said sternly. “You'd rather be in prison than come here and spend an hour to show off for the brass?”

 

“ The brass can suck my dick!” He hissed. “I've been stripped of my commission, my ship. They've tossed my ass in the brig and thrown the fucking key away. I am  _ NOT _ going to be paraded around in front of them like I'm their pet on a goddamned leash! Take me  _ back _ !”

 

Anderson sighed, “John-”

 

“ I am  _ not _ fucking doing it!” He stood and slammed his chair back with so much force it broke. Tossing a handful of credits on the table, he stormed out of the bar, heading toward the beach.

 

“ Well that went better than expected,” Anderson sighed. James just looked at him and shook his head. “I know what you're thinking, Vega. He does deserve better, but I can't give it to him this time. I've been beating my damned head against the wall trying to fix this shit and make it right, but I can't. They want him to hang. Feel like he owes them.”

 

“ What else could they possibly do to him if he refuses to do this?” James asked in disbelief.

 

“ Revoke the few privileges he has... and if they find out about the two of you... It's in his best interest to just play along.”

 

“ He already feels like they've taken his dignity, man. This... is just wrong.”

 

“ I know it is... which makes what I'm about to ask even more difficult... I need you to talk him into it.”

 

“ What makes you think he'll listen to me?”

 

“ Because I know him. I can tell he cares about you. He'll do whatever you want.”

 

“ You want me to manipulate him? I'm not doing that! I care about him, too!”

 

“ I know you do, son, and if you do, then you have to convince him that this is for his own good. Can you imagine what it will do to him mentally and emotionally if he can never leave his cell?”

 

“ Goddammit! This is complete, fucking bullshit!”

 

“ You think I don't know that,” Anderson asked. “I don't know what the hell else I can do. My voice only holds so much sway. Even Hackett hasn't been able to convince them to lighten up on him. Maybe if he does this, they'll grant him a little more freedom.”

 

“ A little more freedom, huh? He doesn't deserve to be locked up. He should've gotten a goddamn medal for Bahak and a promotion!” James swore again and looked out over the horizon. Shepard was wandering down the beach with his hands shoved in his pockets, staring down at the sand as it flew out around his shuffling feet. “Fix it to where his friends can visit, and I'll do it.”

 

“ Which friends?”

 

“ Joker, Garrus, Chakwas... Those are the ones he's mentioned to me that he misses the most.”

 

“ I'll see what I can do. That's all I can give you right now, Vega.”

 

The younger man sighed, “Dammit. Fine. I'll go talk to him. But I want to go on record here as saying that I think this is some fucked up shit!”

 

“ Noted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Shepard! Thanks for reading, commenting, etc! I appreciate it more than y'all know! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr if you've a mind: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James learns the best way to help Shepard deal with his frustrations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to my lovely beta sparkly_butthole! xoxo to you my darling!

Shepard was sitting in the wet sand with his knees pulled up to his chest by the time James caught up to him. He'd taken his boots off and dug his toes down into the sand, not caring that the tide was high enough to soak his pants where he sat. James sat beside him and removed his boots as well, wiggling his toes in the wet sand. He wished that he and Shepard could be here together under better circumstances.

 

“ Anderson send you to convince me to do it?”

 

“ Yeah.”

 

The Commander huffed a laugh, “At least you're honest.” He grabbed a handful of sand, rubbing it between his fingers. “The last time I was here was ten years ago when I graduated from the Villa. I'd forgotten... or didn't realize it'd been that long. For me it's only eight. Anderson came as my dad. He pinned the N7 on me the first time, and there were tears in his eyes. Told me he was proud of me. I lived with him for nearly 2 years before I joined up. He adopted me, helped me get a high school diploma so that I could enlist. I owe him everything, but... I can't believe he'd ask me to do this. How much more do they expect me to give?”

 

“ They're going to revoke your privileges if you don't, John,” James said sadly. “You won't be able to go to the gym or range or outside.”

 

“ They'd do that?”

 

“ Anderson and Hackett both tried to talk them out of this, but that's what they said. If you don't... just do it, John. Don't let them take away what little freedom you have.”

 

“ Hand them the last scrap of dignity I have on a silver fucking platter, huh?”

 

“ Johnny-”

 

“ Don't, James, please. Don't use my feelings for you against me. That's not fair. I don't have anything to offer you except my heart. Don't use it to manipulate me.”

 

“ I... wasn't going to do that... at least that wasn't my intention. I just want you to know that I understand why you don't want to do it, and to be honest, I don't want you to either. It's complete bullshit is what it is, but... what other choice do you have?”

 

“ None, I guess. The Alliance saved my life. I have no doubt of that, but right now, I would really just like to watch them all burn.”

 

James reached over and laced their fingers together. “Me, too,” he whispered. “It'll only be an hour or so, tomorrow. That leaves us with plenty of time to enjoy the rest of the trip.”

 

Shepard looked at him. “Got some things on your mind, do you, lieutenant?”

 

“ I do, as a matter of fact,” James said, leaning over to press his lips to Shepard's. “I stopped on my way home to pack and picked up a few... supplies.”

 

“ What kind of supplies,” Shepard asked with mischievous eyes.

 

James cleared his throat. “Lube and condoms... and, uh... cleaning supplies.”

 

Shepard's eyebrows rose, and he grinned. “You sure you want to do that?”

 

“ Yeah... I'm sure. I've been thinking about it a lot... all the damned time as a matter of fact, and uh... yeah... I want to.”

 

“ God,” Shepard breathed, pressing their lips together again. “I want that, too. Very much.” James' hand came up to cup the back of his neck, dropping sand down his shirt, but Shepard didn't care, just let the lieutenant deepen the kiss and focused on the feel of the man's lips and tongue on his own. “I'll do it,” he murmured. “But I won't be happy about it.”

 

James chuckled. “Well, we’ll be unhappy about it together. But... maybe tonight we can be happy for other reasons.”

 

“ I'm going to hold you to that, lieutenant.”

 

**

 

James was nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, but he'd showered and cleaned everything the way his research had said he needed to. It had felt super weird, and he really hoped that it would feel better with Shepard inside him instead of that little plastic applicator.

 

Shepard and Anderson were meeting with the graduation committee to go over the plans for the following morning, which left James with nothing to do now but wait and worry. He took a shot of Shepard's whiskey to help settle his nerves, but he was afraid of drinking too much and being too drunk to do anything by the time John came back. Damn, why did this all have to feel so fucking awkward? He took another shot then walked away from the bottle.

 

He was in the middle of a documentary on twenty first century warfare when Shepard and Anderson finally returned. John was still pissed – maybe even more pissed than when he left – and he stalked into the bedroom and slammed the door without a word to either of the other two men.

 

“ Christ,” Anderson muttered, pouring himself two fingers of whiskey in a glass, then thinking better of it and adding another two fingers.

 

“ That bad, huh?”

 

“ I'm... going to go out for a little while,” Anderson said, downing his drink and looking pointedly at Vega. “A few hours at least, understood?”

 

James blushed and cleared his throat. “Perfectly, sir.”

 

Anderson just nodded and left the room. James took a breath to steel his nerves then went into the bedroom. He could hear the water running in the shower, and took another deep breath before stripping out of his clothes and stepping into the bathroom. John was braced against the wall with his hands, letting the water run down his back. He didn't even flinch when James wrapped his arms around him from behind, pressing his lips between Shepard's shoulder blades.

 

“ You okay, Loco?”

 

“ No... but I think you can make it better.”

 

James chuckled, and kissed his back again. “Anderson left for a few hours.”

 

John huffed a laugh. “That obvious that I need to get laid?”

 

“ Apparently.”

 

He turned to face the younger man, “Well... what are you going to do about it, Jimmy?” 

 

James kissed him, deep and rough, shoving him into the shower wall. Shepard moaned into the kiss, and James traced over the muscles on John's chest and stomach, fitting his fingers perfectly into the vee shaped groove at his waist.  “ Goddamn you're sexy, Johnny,” he breathed, moving his lips over Shepard's chest to his nipple. He flicked his tongue over it and then scraped it lightly with his teeth, and John hissed and arched into him, hard cock brushing against James' thigh. James gripped him, lightly, ghosting his fingers along the hardened shaft, and Shepard let his head fall back against the shower wall with a groan.

 

James kissed across his chest to the other side, thumbing the slit on the head of John's cock and smearing around the slick bead of fluid there. His lips latched onto Shepard's other nipple, showering it with attention, and John finally brought his hands up to clutch James' back, pulling him closer. “Let's go to bed,” he rasped, and James reached over to hit the switch for the water. They toweled off hastily, and not very well, and Shepard pushed the younger man toward the bed. He fell onto it with a laugh, and John crawled up over him, bringing their lips back together. “We don't have to... you know... if you don't want to,” he said, peering down into James' eyes. “There are other things we can do.”

 

“ I want to try it,” James assured him, and John smiled.

 

“ I'll be careful,” he whispered before kissing his way down James' body. “Lube?”

 

James reached over to the nightstand and passed him the lube and box of condoms. John opened the lube, setting the condoms aside, and squirted a dollop onto his fingers. Rubbing them together to warm the slippery gel, he kissed around James' belly button, then lower, nuzzling into the mass of curls at the base of the younger man's cock. He pressed his lips to the base, and James hissed, bucking slightly. “Relax,” John soothed, running his hand up and down the man's thigh.

 

Shepard gripped James' erection and placed a soft kiss on the tip before swirling his tongue around the head, and at the same time, pressing a slicked finger against his entrance. James bucked again, but he wasn't sure if it was from the feeling of Shepard's tongue on his cock or his finger at his asshole. John didn't try to press into him, just massaged the ring of muscle gently while he tongued the head of his dick. “Dammit, John,” James hissed.

 

“ Ready for more?” His blue eyes were gazing up at James' face with genuine concern. James nodded, and Shepard ducked his head, taking the younger man's cock all the way into his mouth while simultaneously sliding his finger into his hole. James cursed again, but it was more a moan of pleasure than any actual word. John hummed, and the younger man gripped the blanket with his fists, twisting tightly. He moved his finger in and out slowly, trying to loosen him up, then curling his finger forward to find the younger man's prostate. He pulled off slightly, still keeping the head of James' dick in his mouth, then pressed the nerve bundle with his finger. James shouted and bucked up violently.

 

“ Holy fuck! What was that?” He gasped.

 

Shepard pulled off with a chuckle, stroking him while he continued moving his finger around. “Your prostate. Feels good, huh?”

 

“ Shit yes! Can... can you do it again?”

 

“ I can, but if I do it too many times, you'll come before we even get started,” he winked, and pressed the nerve again, still caressing the man’s erection.

 

“ Fucking hell,” James panted, hips convulsing, and John chuckled again before taking him back into his mouth. While James was still recovering from the feeling of having his prostate massaged, John added a second finger. The lieutenant was relaxed enough by this point not to really notice the change, so John hollowed his cheeks around the man's cock and added a third finger. James trembled. “Christ, Johnny...”

 

“ That's three fingers. Think you're ready for me?”

 

James nodded, unable to speak at the moment, and Shepard leaned up to kiss him again, slipping his fingers out and wiping them on one of their discarded towels. He groped blindly for the box of condoms, breaking the kiss and fumbling it open once he'd found it. “I may not last long,” he warned James, rolling the condom on with shaky hands.

 

“ It's okay... this won't be the last time, right?”

 

“ I definitely hope not,” John said, grinning. He squirted some more lube in his hand, and slathered it onto his cock, groaning at the contact. “Shit,” he muttered, then rubbed some more lube onto James' entrance. “Ready,” he asked, and James shuddered at the nearly desperate tone of his voice.

 

“ Ready.”

 

Shepard lined himself up with James' entrance, and captured his lips in a kiss before pushing forward the tiniest bit. James hissed. “It'll feel better once I'm all the way in,” he promised. “Just try to relax. Tomorrow night, you can do me.”

 

“ Sounds good to me, just... ah... keep going.”

 

John tried to soothe him with his lips at his throat, mouthing his pulse point, feeling it jump every time he slid in a little more. James sighed in relief once Shepard was seated inside him. Neither of them moved, other than soft caresses and kisses. “Tell me when you're ready,” John murmured.

 

“ I think I'm ready,” he said, and John rocked his hips forward ever so gently. James' eyes rolled back in his head, and John grinned down at him, pressing his lips to the younger man's cheek. “Damn that feels good,” James told him. “Much better than I thought it would.”

 

“ I'm glad,” he said, setting a slow, easy rhythm. James gripped his face with both hands, kissing him deeply before sliding one hand over his shoulder and down his back to cup his ass and encourage his movements. “Want me to go faster?”

 

“ Mmhm.”

 

Shepard obliged him, and James let out a breathless string of curses, bucking his hips up to meet John's. Shepard took the hint and snapped his hips forward with a little more force.

 

“ Oh god,” James moaned, clenching around the cock inside him until John dropped his head onto the lieutenant's shoulder.

 

“ Fuck,” he muttered, shifting his hips to angle them into James' prostate. “It's better if I come first. Once you're done, it doesn't feel as good,” he told James, voice strained with need.

 

“ God... you... this is so fucking perfect.”

 

“ Jesus, Jimmy,” Shepard gasped, picking up the pace of his movements. “You're so goddamned tight. Feels... so... fucking good.”

 

“ If you're gonna come, Loco, you better do it soon... 'cause... I don't know how much longer I can hold out.”

 

Shepard groaned, deep and guttural, throwing his head back. “Fuck, James,” he gasped as his rhythm faltered and he erupted. His hips twitched against the younger man, and Shepard grabbed the man's cock, giving him a few quick, hard pulls and wrenching his climax out of him. He watched as James spilled all over his own belly in thick, white ropes. “God damn,” he rasped, falling forward and bracing himself on his elbows. They kissed, open mouthed and sloppy, still panting for breath that was too thin and sparse.

 

James lay boneless on the bed while Shepard pulled out and dealt with his condom, wiping them both up with the towel before collapsing onto the bed beside him. The younger man rolled over, nestling his head on the Commander's chest, and rubbing his hands up and down the man's stomach. “That was... better than I imagined it could be.”

 

“ Yeah?”

 

“ Fuck yeah.”

 

Shepard chuckled and pressed a kiss to James' forehead. “It was amazing,” he whispered.

  
“ Amazing,” James confirmed sleepily, burrowing closer to the Commander's body. They drifted off to sleep tangled around each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a chapter that warrants an "E" rating! :) I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and commenting! 
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John puts on a show for the brass, and James comes to another startling realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you're getting the chapter a few days early because I'm going to the beach this week (yippee!!) Unfortunately, that means a longer wait between chapters, because we'll be back to our regular schedule next week. Hopefully, you'll enjoy this chapter though. :)

James had only ever seen Shepard in armor in vids or photos, never in person. He was a sight to behold. His black armor contoured to fit his body perfectly, highlighting the taut lines of muscle that James had run his fingers over last night and his tongue over this morning. He shivered at the memory, and John looked at him out of the corner of his eye, grinning. James kept his face blank and pretended not to notice the Commander's leer.

 

Shepard looked away and stood with his hands on his hips, glaring out over the field before him. He was going to have to run an obstacle course. The same one he'd run when he was just a student here at the Villa. He still held the record for the best ever time, and the brass wanted to make a show of seeing if he could at least match his old record. John didn't want to do this. He was still furious about the whole thing, but he'd agreed if for no other reason than to keep his measly allowance of two hours a day outdoors.

 

The rules were simple. He had to run the course fully kitted out in armor with a full rack of weapons on his back – weapons of his choosing at least, but he'd still strapped on his Black Widow and ML-77 Missile Launcher along with a pistol and an assault rifle. The whole get up had to weigh upwards of a couple hundred kilos, and he had to beat or match the target time. Students were allowed sixty minutes for the course, but Shepard had beaten in in forty nine minutes and fifty three seconds in N-School – a full ten minutes below the target time. No one else had ever even come close to that.

 

“ This is fucking bullshit,” he muttered so that only James could hear him.

 

“ I know, but you got this. Give 'em hell, Loco.”

 

“ Thanks, Jimmy.” Their eyes locked for a brief moment, but that was the most affection they could show in such a public setting – surrounded by Alliance brass who already wanted his blood. Shepard nodded and turned away, heading for the starting line. The crowd roared their excitement, but John didn't even bother waving at them, just pulled his helmet over his head and dropped into a ready stance. James and Anderson made their way to the box reserved for the Alliance higher ups. Anderson had used his pull to get James in.

 

Admiral Tomlinson fired a gun into the air, and Shepard took off at a rapid but steady pace. The first obstacle was a wall that he had to climb using only a rope and his arms. He shimmied up the rope faster than anyone thought would be possible, and dropped over the other side like he was stepping off a stool rather than falling twelve feet to the ground. He took off at a sprint for the next obstacle, a rope net over a live minefield that he had to crawl across upside down. James chewed his bottom lip nervously as Shepard made slow but steady progress across the net. All it would take was one slip, and he'd be dead. The younger man wondered briefly if that's what the brass had been hoping for. He made it to the end of the net without incident and swung himself up on top of it for the next obstacle – a series of ropes that he had to swing across like a monkey without slipping into the quicksand below.

 

If he felt fatigued, he didn't show it, just swung himself from one rope to the next effortlessly as if he might actually be part monkey. How a man who had this much grace on the battlefield and – let's face it – in the bedroom could be such a shitty dancer, James couldn't figure out, but watching him was making his dick hard. He shifted and tried to focus more on the course and less on the man running it. The last rope led to a tiny platform followed by at least a dozen more just like it. Shepard would have to swing onto the platform and jump from one to the other without pausing. Stopping for even a moment meant he would fall – and fail. He didn't fall.

 

James' mouth became drier and drier the closer the man came to the end of the course. His gaze kept glancing from Shepard's moving form to the timer posted on a billboard above the course. It was like some sort of fucking sporting event. The more James thought about it, the more pissed he got, but the closer he got to the end, the more James realized that he was going to beat his previous record – possibly by as much as five minutes. The rest of the crowd realized it too, and everyone held their collective breath.

 

Shepard made it to the end where a bell hung, waiting for him to ring it to signal that he was finished. John looked up at the timer for the first time since setting foot on the course, then looked back at the bell while the time crawled higher and higher. He'd made it to the platform a full five minutes before his previous time, but he'd already killed thirty seconds just standing there watching the timer. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath. Other than that, he stood motionless, hands on his hips, staring at the timer.

 

“ What the fuck are you doing, Loco?” James muttered under his breath. No one else made a single sound. No one even coughed. They all just sat in breathless anticipation as the minutes ticked by.

 

“ Ring the bell, Commander!” Admiral Tomlinson shouted, and Shepard turned to salute the man. James couldn't help but chuckle. He sure as shit had a brass pair. John looked back at the timer that was approaching his previous time. Finally, he reached for the rope on the bell, yanking it with a resounding clang. His official time was only five seconds better than his previous attempt. With another salute to the box of admirals, he jumped down off the platform and ripped his helmet off, stalking back toward the locker room.

 

Admiral Tomlinson fell into step beside him, and it was obvious that he was unhappy. James couldn't hear what they were saying, however. He hung back in the box while the rest of the admirals filtered out, either chuckling or cursing to themselves over Shepard's little rebellion. The crowd – full of the latest N7 grads and their families – loved the display and were all talking animatedly about Shepard and the stunt he pulled. James just hoped it wouldn't backfire on him.

 

It had been over two months since they'd locked his ass in the brig. It could've been a hell of a lot worse. He could have been in the actual fucking brig with no visitors or time outside or time at the gym or range. James understood why he'd done it, but he kinda wanted to wring his neck all the same. Once the box was empty, James made his way toward the locker room where Tomlinson was tearing the Commander a new one.

 

“ I finished your damn course under the time,” Shepard said calmly. “I don't understand why you're so worked up. No one has been able to beat the last record I set. Do you really want it to be five whole minutes better? I did you a favor by waiting.”

 

“ You were showing your ass, and you damn well know it, Shepard!”

 

“ What are you going to do to me? I'm already rotting in prison! I did what was asked of me. No more, no less, and until I start getting at least a little bit of human decency from the brass, that's all I'll ever do. You don't want me in the Alliance anymore? Fine. Let me go, and I'll drop off the radar.”

 

“ I highly doubt that, Shepard!” Tomlinson spat.

 

“ Try me!”

 

“ Enough, both of you,” Anderson said tiredly. “Bill, he did fine. He beat the record. He put on a show. Everyone will be talking about it for ages. He'll be more of a legend than he already is, and there still won't be anyone who can beat his record. Get over it.”

 

“ I've a good mind to contact the defense committee and ask that his leave be revoked.”

 

“ Do that, and I'll have your bars,” Anderson snapped. “This is officially over. Come on, John. Let's get back to our vacation.” Shepard was at least mature enough to calmly walk away without further incident.

 

“ You just had to poke the bear, eh, Loco,” James whispered once they were out of earshot of the other admirals.

 

“ I don't plan on just lying there and taking it while they fuck me over,” he hissed. “This way they'll know they're playing with fire.”

 

“ Still... what you did was impressive. Ten years later, and you've still got it.”

 

Shepard snorted. “Wonder if you'll be able to say the same ten years from now? It's the cybernetics. I wasn't even trying hard. I think I could do it closer to thirty minutes, but that wouldn't be fair to the other recruits. There's no need for them to think that they shouldn't try because they'll never beat me. This way, there's still something for them to aim for, you know?”

 

“ Noble fucking bastard,” James muttered.

 

“ Stinking fucking bastard,” Shepard said. “I need a shower.”

 

“ I wasn't going to mention it.”

 

Shepard shot a disapproving look the younger man’s way and caught James grinning.

 

They decided to change into swim trunks and hit the beach instead of showering when they got back to their suite. John's were solid black, like most of his clothes. James' were royal blue with big white flowers. Shepard shook his head at them. Of course Vega wanted to race Shepard into the water. Shepard groused, but ran anyway, passing James at the last second and diving under the water. James splashed him in the face when he came up, and John grabbed his foot and yanked him underwater. They wrestled around, shoving or pulling each other under over and over until John could barely breathe.

 

“ Truce, truce! Shit! I give up,” he gasped, draping himself over Vega's back and hanging on. “Did you forget about that obstacle course I ran just a little while ago?”

 

“ Wearing down in your old age, Loco?”

 

“ Trying to save my energy for tonight,” he said, low and husky, kissing James right behind the ear.

 

James turned in his arms and kissed him, slow and deep. “I'm looking forward to tonight,” he confessed.

 

“ We don't have to wait.”

 

“ Well, we do now, because I can't get out of the water yet,” James said.

 

Shepard laughed and bit him on the lip before pushing off him and swimming away. “Ever gone kayaking?”

 

“ No.”

 

“ We're going tomorrow,” John informed him. “There's something I want to show you, and we can only get there by kayak.”

 

“ Sounds good. Hey, you feel like playing volleyball?” They trudged out of the water and headed for the volleyball net which was currently unoccupied. John really wanted a nap, but James was probably not going to go for that... unless he could lure him in with sex. Before he had the chance, two women in string bikinis wandered up and asked to join them. James had already told them yes before John could say anything. “I'm Vega, and this is my friend, Sh-”

 

“ John,” Shepard interrupted, scowling briefly at James. “I'm John.”

 

“ You look very familiar,” one of the women said.

 

“ Guess I just have one of those faces,” Shepard said. “Let's play.” 

 

Of course James wanted to play against him, so that meant that they each had a woman on their team. John rolled his eyes and shook his head. Shepard's team won three games before James decided he'd rather go get a drink than keep playing. He invited the women to tag along, completely oblivious to how it looked. John grabbed James' hand, linking their fingers together and grinning as he heard the two women gasp behind them. “What'll it be, ladies,” he asked, when they sat at the table.

 

James leaned back and put his arm around John's shoulders, and Shepard ordered them two pina coladas with extra umbrellas again. The two women ordered the same, then sat there looking around the room awkwardly. James still didn't seem to understand that the women were uncomfortable about hanging out with them now that it was obvious that they weren't going to get dates out of the deal. Shepard listened while Vega chattered away with them. The younger man was completely ignorant of the ladies’ discomfort. When their drinks were gone, John paid their tab and dragged James toward their room.

 

“ Dude,” he said. “You know those women were hoping to get dates from us.”

 

“ What?”

 

Shepard laughed and kissed him soundly on the mouth. “You're pretty damn cute when you're totally oblivious!”

 

“ Shit! I'm sorry, man, I didn't even...”

 

“ I'm not worried about it, James. You're coming back to the room with me, right?” John pushed him into the elevator and up against the wall, licking a trail from his Adam's apple up to his ear lobe. Teeth clamped lightly on the soft flesh. “I want you to fuck me, James,” he murmured. “Want you inside me.”

 

“ Shit, Loco, you're killing me.”

 

“ Just trying to stake my claim,” he said, dipping his tongue into the younger man's ear, fingers teasing along the edge of his waistband. When the elevator door opened, John pressed his lips lightly against James' then turned and left him standing there in a daze, tossing a smirk over his shoulder.

 

By the time James' brain caught up enough to make his feet move, Shepard was already in the bathroom in their suite. James poured himself a few fingers of whiskey and went out on the balcony overlooking the ocean. He felt like an idiot. He hadn't meant to be flirting with those women. Maybe it was just habit. He didn't like the idea that he was the type of man to flirt with people while he was dating someone else. Had he always been this way? John didn't seem jealous, but he could have just been pretending to hide his insecurities. Even a man like Shepard had them. Now James felt like an asshole as well as an idiot.

 

Two strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind, lips against his shoulder. “Stop obsessing, Jimmy,” Shepard whispered. “I'm not mad. I thought it was funny that you didn't even see it.” He forced the younger man to turn around and face him. “This is what you want right? Being with me?” His blue eyes searched James' brown ones. If the Commander was concerned, he was good at hiding it.

 

“ It's absolutely what I want,” James assured him. “I guess I just never thought of myself as the type of person who flirts without even realizing it.”

 

Shepard's brows crinkled. “You're absolutely that type of person, James. You've been flirting with me from day one. Even when you thought you weren't into guys.” He laughed lightly, running his fingers through James' short hair. “It's who you are. I can handle your flirting with everything that moves, James. I'm not that insecure. So long as I'm the only one who gets your heart... and your body.” He trailed a finger down James' chest, mapping the sharp lines of muscle, flicking his nail over a nipple.

 

“ Both of those are definitely yours, Loco. All yours.”

 

“ Good.” He brought their mouths together, velvety lips caressing gently. “Because I really want your body right now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, etc. I appreciate y'all so much! 
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> As always, special thanks to my beta, sparkly_butthole, who is super sweet and wonderful and is helping make this story even better for y'all! :)
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James learns a few things from Shepard and meets one of Shepard's former crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience while I was on my vacation. We had a great time, and it was nice to get away. Now I'm back with some more mshega goodness, and more awkward smut (poor James!)
> 
> God, I'm such a horrible person! I forgot to thank my wonderful beta sparkly_butthole! She does such an amazing job!! I blame it on the fact that I've been sick for days! :/ Thanks lovey! I appreciate all you do!!

“ So, uh... how different is this from anal with a woman,” James asked, face red as a beet.

 

“ Not all that different, I suppose,” John said. 

 

How the hell he could always stay so calm when they were talking about this shit was beyond James. The Lieutenant was looking forward to them getting to a point where the sex just flowed naturally without all the awkward 'what goes where' talk beforehand. Hopefully they would make it far enough into this relationship to get there. “Stop overthinking, Jimmy.” Shepard pulled him close then shoved him down on the bed.

 

John knew what he was doing, that was for sure. If Shepard was a woman, James would feel a certain amount of confidence due to experience. Here he had none. This was only their third time if you counted them jerking each other off this morning before getting in the shower. He thought Shepard was counting it. He was definitely counting it. And it was a pretty major turn on that John could manage to put him at ease, teach him what the hell to do, and still get them both off, all at the same time. He was beginning to think that John Shepard was actually perfect. If you looked the word up in the dictionary, there his picture'd be – sparkling blue eyes, diamond edged jaw sprinkled with coarse hair, thin nose, and everything. James kissed the end of that nose, and John huffed a laugh.

 

“ I can still hear you thinking,” John said, nipping at the man's lower lip. “Relax. I want to do this with you. I'm not judging you. I'm just enjoying the experience, okay?” Their lips met in a deep, tender kiss, before John moved lower down his body. James wasn't having it. John had done all the work last night. He pushed the man off him, earning him a hearty laugh. The laugh turned into a moan when James' mouth latched onto Shepard's throat. He kissed his way down the Commander's body, outlining firm muscles with his tongue. He had certainly never sucked a dick before, but he knew what felt good to him. So when he was face to face with Shepard's hard cock, he just did what he thought he'd want done to him, trying to keep his teeth out of the way – which was more difficult than he imagined it would be. Still, he only managed to scrape a little too hard once before he figured out how to keep them out of the way. After that, it wasn't long before Shepard's head was pressing back into the pillow, fingers carding through James' hair, hips thrusting gently as he groaned out his pleasure.

 

“ So good,” John panted. “You're a quick study, Jimmy.”

 

James gave a pleased hum, relishing the muttered curses that earned him, and soon Shepard was tugging on his hair to get him to stop. James couldn't help the shit eating grin he wore when he loomed back up over the Commander. John smiled at him and pulled their mouths together. “So...” James said eloquently, garnering another laugh from John.

 

“ I took the liberty of getting myself ready,” he said, pressing his lips to James'. “Let me be on top.” It wasn't a demand - simply seeking permission - and James couldn't say no, letting Shepard roll them over again until the Commander was straddling him. He looked like a fucking Greek god, and James couldn't resist running his fingers over his muscular chest and abdomen, grazing along his cock lying hard and heavy against James' belly. John grinned and reached for the lube and condoms in the drawer, pausing to kiss him again.

 

His head rolled back when Shepard gripped his cock with his lubed hand, icy and wet even through the condom. When the Commander lifted himself up onto his knees and guided James into him, however, he had to watch – to see Shepard's face as his cock slid into him. He wasn't disappointed. He sank down more quickly than he'd entered James the night before, but still slow enough for them to both savor the sensation. His lips were parted, brow knit in ecstasy, and the younger man almost came right then. Shepard braced his hands on James' chest, drawing a few deep breaths as he adjusted to the girth inside him. “Fuck,” he mumbled, and the Lieutenant echoed the sentiment. It was so tight and so hot that James almost felt strangled.

 

After a few moments Shepard began to rock his hips experimentally, and James cursed again, throwing his head back and gripping John's thighs painfully tight. It felt good. Too good. Amazing even. And James wondered why he'd never realized his attraction to men before. Then again, he was glad that Shepard was his first. Some part of his brain registered that he wanted Shepard to be his first, last, and only... everything. That this was it for him, but the thought was swallowed by pleasure when John lifted himself up and sank back down again. “Ay, dios,” James muttered, and Shepard repeated the movement, setting a steady rhythm of rising and falling. It didn't take James long to begin thrusting up to meet him every time he fell back down. Soon, Shepard was all out bouncing up and down on him, riding him for all he was worth, and James was lost, brain fried to all thought but the sheer bliss of this physical experience.

 

The Commander was leaning back, hands braced on the Lieutenant’s thighs. The muscles of his abdomen were drawn tight highlighting just how fit the man was, and his sapphire eyes bored into James with an intensity that made the younger man shudder.

 

“ I'm close,” James breathed. “Goddammit... so fucking close.. you... so amazing.”

 

“ Mmmm... so're you,” Shepard slurred. “Fucking perfect.” His chest was heaving, sweat rolling down his body, and James knew he was ruined for anyone else for the rest of his life. All he wanted was this man on him and in him and with him for all eternity.

 

“ Ahh... fuck, Johnny,” he cried, barely registering the fact that Shepard was yanking on his own cock like there was no tomorrow. James erupted, body arching toward the sky and into Shepard, just as he felt the warm splashes of John's orgasm hit his belly. John groaned something that could've been James' name, but didn't really have all the right sounds to make it clear. It didn't matter anyway. What mattered was that James was pretty sure he was falling in love, so he reacted the only way he knew how, by pulling Shepard to him and tangling their tongues together until their lungs were burning and their heads were spinning.

 

“ Jesus Christ,” Shepard rasped, face planted in James' neck, breath gusting hotly over the man's skin. “I think you've ruined me.”

 

“ As in I broke you, or...”

 

“ As in, no one else has ever made me feel this way before. As in, nothing has ever felt this good before. As in…,” he paused, uncertain, then said, barely above a whisper, “I can't imagine ever wanting anyone else again.”

 

James brought his arms around John's back, holding him tightly. “Funny... I was just thinking the same thing.”

 

**

 

They were both still a sticky mess when pounding on the door woke them hours later. “Shepard?” Anderson was yelling. “Are you decent?”

 

“ No!” Came the muffled reply as the man-in-question's face was plastered against the side of one James Vega.

 

“ Well get that way! We're going out to dinner. You two have been holed up in there all afternoon!”

 

“ Yes sir!” Both men said, sleepily, but the Commander made no move to get up. In fact, he threw a leg over James and scooched closer, and his cock twitched to feel Shepard's soft one press against his hip.

 

“ Don't wanna get up,” he murmured, lips pressing against James's side.

 

“ The old man wants to spend some time with you.”

 

“ Unhelpful, Jimmy. I wanna stay naked with you.”

 

“ We can be naked again later,” James told him. “Come on. Get your ass up!” He emphasized the statement by cracking his hand down on said naked ass. John jumped and rubbed his ass cheek, scowling at his lover. Before James could get off the bed, John grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back down, straddling him again, and leaning down to bite him on the chest, just hard enough to sting a little. “Ow, you fucker!”

 

John laughed and dug his fingers into James' sides, tickling him and making him howl. “I had a feeling you were ticklish,” Shepard said laughing some more then blowing a raspberry kiss against his throat, while his fingers continued their assault.

 

“ Oh, it's on now!” James hefted the Commander off of him and threw him down on the bed, both of them cackling when John almost bounced off the other side. He grabbed Shepard's foot and skated his fingers across the bottom. John tried to pull it back but couldn't break James' grasp without actually hurting him. Instead, he kicked him in the side with his other foot. They were hooting and hollering and laughing their heads off as they continued their tickle war when Anderson's fist came down on the door again.

 

“ Alright, Gramps... we're getting up,” Shepard shouted, but he pulled James down on top of him claiming his mouth rather than actually getting up.

 

“ You're going to get us in trouble,” James said against his lips.

 

“ You complaining about me kissing you, Vega?”

 

“ No. Just stating the obvious.”

 

“ It is one of your strong suits. I'll give you that,” Shepard grinned.

 

James nipped his lower lip. “Ass! As much as I want to stay in bed with you for the next week or so, I really do not want to piss off Admiral Anderson.... Plus, I'm starving.”

 

John huffed a laugh, pecking him on the lips one more time. “Fine.”

 

**

 

“ Well, now that Tomlinson has calmed down some, he's glad you didn't exceed your last record by five minutes,” Anderson said as they waited for their drinks. “He realizes that it would be bad for morale, knowing no one could hope to even come close to your new record. The second place time is already almost four minutes behind yours.”

 

“ Well, that is a load off my mind, let me tell you,” John said tapping his fingers against the table restlessly.

 

Anderson rolled his eyes while James chuckled. “Do  _ not _ encourage him, Vega!”

 

“ Aye, sir!” James muttered. John already had him hooked on pina coladas, and he took a sip of it when the waiter set it in front of him. He looked around the room and saw the two women from their volleyball game and averted his eyes. Shepard noticed and chuckled, ordering an extra shot of rum for his own drink.

 

“ So what's on the agenda for tomorrow, boys?” Anderson asked them.

 

“ Heading up to the blue lagoon to go kayaking,” Shepard informed him. “You're welcome to come along.”

 

“ Nah... I have another meeting with Tomlinson in the morning. We're trying to finalize the list of invitations for the new class. Besides, I'm not interested in watching you two making out all day.”

 

James choked on his drink, and John barked a laugh. “It couldn't be any worse than that time I walked in on you and Kahlee on the couch.”

 

“ You agreed never to mention that again, John,” Anderson scolded.

 

“ You don't talk about my sex life, Gramps, and I won't talk about yours.”

 

“ Fair enough,” Anderson conceded.

 

“ Shepard?”

 

All three men looked up to see Jacob Taylor walking toward them. “Jacob! What are you doing here?”

 

“ Trying to find the perfect beach for rest and meditation,” the man told him, laughing as he shook Shepard's hand.

 

“ I hear that. Jacob Taylor was a member of my squad during the Omega-4 run,” he explained. “Jacob, this is Admiral David Anderson.” Jacob saluted the man, explaining that he was former Alliance. “And this is my... James,” Shepard frowned, not knowing exactly how to describe what James was to him.

 

“ He meant to say boyfriend,” James said winking at John and standing to shake the man's hand. “James Vega.”

 

“ Nice to meet you, James,” Jacob said, quirking an eyebrow at Shepard.

 

“ It's new,” he muttered with a shrug. “Want to join us?”

 

“ Sure!” Jacob sat between Anderson and Vega. “Heard about the stunt you pulled on the N course,” he said, taking a sip of his own pina colada when it arrived. “There's a vid on the extranet that already has a billion hits.”

 

“ Shit! Really?”

 

“ 'Fraid so.”

 

John looked over to find James pulling it up on his omni-tool and giggling gleefully, and he rolled his eyes. As if on cue, the two women from the volleyball game came over to their table, squealing in excitement. “I knew you looked familiar!” The one shouted. “You're Commander Shepard! Can we get your picture?”

 

Shepard ran his hand down his face, groaning. “Um, I'd-”

 

“ He'd love to,” James butted in. “Right, Loco?”

 

“ I suppose so,” John said, glowering at James, who simply grinned and waggled his eyebrows at him.

 

“ I'll take it,” James offered. “Get in there, Loco. Press in tight girls!” James was grinning like an idiot while John stood with his arms around the two women who pressed their bodies against him, one on either side, while Anderson and Taylor tried to hide their laughter behind their hands. “Smile pretty now, Johnny-boy!” Shepard quirked an eyebrow at him, but smiled anyway. “Hey, why don't you both kiss him on the cheek?”

 

“ James,” Shepard grumbled, but the man continued on, blissfully ignoring his  _ boyfriend _ . The women stood on their tiptoes to press their lips to his cheeks, giggling uncontrollably. James' smile was bordering on manic, and Shepard wanted to strangle him, especially after one of the women slipped the key to their hotel room into his hand and winked at him when she walked away. He stared at the key for a moment before turning his attention back to James. “You are going to pay for that later!”

 

Vega didn't even have the decency to look ashamed of himself. “Whatever you decide to do to me will be worth it. I think I have years of blackmail material here.” To ice the cake, he snapped another picture of Shepard holding the woman's room key.

 

Shepard snorted and handed the key to the waiter. “I think she dropped it. Can you see that it gets turned in at the front desk?” The waiter grinned at him knowingly, but took the key anyway, while Shepard started wiping the lipstick off his cheeks. “Asshole,” he muttered. Jacob and Anderson lost their fight with trying to hold their laughter in, and burst out in a loud guffaw. Shepard ignored them and drank his drink quietly, hoping to avoid any more fans.

 

“ So what, did they give you time off for good behavior?” Jacob asked when his laughter had subsided.

 

“ Anderson pulled some strings to get me some time off. Heading back in a couple of days.”

 

“ That's too bad. Admiral, what is the Alliance planning to do about the reaper threat?”

 

Anderson studied Jacob for a moment before sighing. “They haven't done a damned thing,” he admitted, figuring that he could trust one of Shepard's squad. John tapped his fingers on the table again, looking out toward the ocean. James could see the agitation on his face, and knew it had more to do with the reapers and the Alliance than the pictures. He reached a hand under the table to squeeze Shepard's knee.

 

“ Their plan is to do jack shit until the reapers are sitting on their damned doorstep,” Shepard said. “Then it will be too late for any of us. Too bad the Illusive Man is bat shit crazy!”

 

“ Shepard!” Anderson looked at him astonished.

 

“ You see any other human group with the money and resources to field an army? I don't agree with his agenda or methods, but I'd use his money again in a fucking heartbeat!”

 

“ He's right,” Jacob said. “I don't trust the Illusive Man as far as I can throw him, but Cerberus has the holdings to fund a war.”

 

“ Now if we could just figure out how to take him out and get someone in there who'd use the money wisely,” Shepard said, rubbing his chin, deep in thought.

 

“ Don't bother, John,” Anderson said, pulling him out of his reverie. “We've been trying to find the Illusive Man for years. If you were out, you could probably find him, but... you know damn good and well they're not letting you out.”

 

“ Well, I guess I'll just get drunk and enjoy the show when they do finally get here, then.”

 

“ Way to keep a positive attitude, Loco,” James said. Shepard flipped him off.

 

“ I'm trying,” Anderson said. “Doing the best I can. You can hardly blame them for not wanting to believe it!”

 

“ Believe me,” John said, “if I could forget it, I would. James, you haven't seen any of the shit we've seen,” he gestured at Jacob and Anderson. “Why do you believe me?”

 

“ Because if you were insane and making all this shit up, they never would have made you a Spectre in the first place. Because I know you've undergone repeated psych evals and passed with flying colors, and yet you still keep telling the same story. And because I see how hard you've fought for what you believe in. You'd either have to be insane or right to do that.”

 

“ Too bad the brass doesn't see it that way,” Shepard said, propping his chin on his hand and fiddling with the umbrella in his drink. It was hard to enjoy the beach and pina coladas when you knew that the end of the world was lurking just around the corner.

 

“ Well, Taylor,” James started, “I think I'm going to have to start calling you Party Pooper. Now you've got him all depressed and shit.” He waved a hand toward Shepard, who scoffed.

 

Jacob laughed. “Well, how did you two meet, then?”

 

“ He's my bodyguard,” Shepard said.

 

“ He seduced me. Took advantage of me,” Vega added, and Shepard rolled his eyes, thumping James on the ear.

 

“ You're already on thin ice, Jimmy. You'd better watch it.”

 

“ It was his dancing that really did me in.”

 

Jacob and Anderson were cackling again, and Shepard just grinned, shaking his head. James winked at him and squeezed his knee, and Shepard could barely resist leaning over to kiss him. Instead, he took James' hand in his and laced their fingers together. After dinner, they said goodnight to Jacob and Anderson and decided to go for a walk on the beach.

 

“ You know you were really hot running that obstacle course this morning,” James told him.

 

“ Yeah?”

 

“ Yeah. You look good in armor.”

 

“ I should hope so. I've spent nearly half my life in it.”

 

“ Who knew you were so fucking vain?”

 

“ Hey, you were looking, Jimmy. Stands to reason others have been looking, too. It'd be bad if it made me look fat or something.”

 

James snorted and stopped, pulling John against him. “You are absolutely ridiculous sometimes, Johnny, you know that?”

  
“ I know. I fell for you, didn't I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just over halfway done with this story, and the sequel is already in the works! Thanks for all the comments and kudos, etc! I appreciate you all so much! 
> 
> I'm on tumblr, here: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James finds new and inventive ways to cheer Shepard up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day early because I'm going to be traveling again this week. I hope you enjoy!

The three days passed all too quickly, and Shepard's mood could only be described as somber as they landed in cold, rainy Vancouver. John shuffled through the puddles on the shuttle's landing pad, kicking water out in a fan around his feet. He'd refused even his typical hoodie, and the shirt of his uniform was soaked through within moments of exiting the shuttle. His hands were stuffed into his pockets, and he kept his gaze on the ground as they made their way toward the building.

 

Anderson had left them at the shuttle gathering their things, and James stood watching Shepard as he hesitated outside the door, rain dripping off the end of both their noses. “Loco?”

 

“ The illusion of freedom is over the minute I set foot in this building, James,” he said. “And after the stunt with the obstacle course I'll probably never have the opportunity again. In Rio, I could pretend that I was a normal person on vacation. Now I'm a prisoner again. In Rio, you were just my lover. Now you're my jailer.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and let out a frustrated growl. “Sometimes... I just want to say screw it. They've taken everything from me – my freedom, my job, my rank, my dignity, my purpose... Honor is the only thing I have left, but most of the galaxy doesn't view me as an honorable man, do they?”

 

“ The rest of the galaxy can go fuck themselves.”

 

Shepard grabbed James by the collar and pulled him into a rough, desperate kiss. “Promise me that things will stay the same between us when we walk back through this door, Jimmy,” he panted when the kiss ended.

 

James' expression softened, and he cupped John's face in his hands, drawing him into another deep kiss, more tender this time. “You've got no worries there, Johnny. You're stuck with me,” he murmured when they broke apart. “Come on. I don't know what your damn obsession with rain is, but you're going to catch a cold if you stay out here any longer.” He took John by the hand and led him into the elevator.

 

Once inside, James dug in his duffel and pulled out a bottle of rum that he'd bought in Rio. He cracked it open and, wordlessly, passed it to John, who nodded his thanks and took a swig before handing it back to James. They kept it going back and forth until the elevator stopped on the prison level of the HQ building. By the time they made it back to Shepard's room, they were both feeling warmth spreading through their bodies. John looked at James, face flushed and eyes dark with desire and chuckled when James shivered. “Cold, Jimmy?”

 

“ Bet you can warm me up.” James palmed the lock on the door, and they stumbled in, laughing. The younger man grabbed the Commander by the collar of his wet shirt, and pulled him close, lips meeting with bruising force. Shepard grunted and dropped his bag, eagerly reciprocating the man's advances. Icy fingers fumbled with buttons and belt buckles, until they both stopped in frustration.

 

“ Shower,” Shepard demanded. “I'm freezing my ass off.” They continued to work on each others clothing as they moved toward the bathroom, kicking their shoes off as they went, and leaning in to brush their lips together occasionally. John hit the switch for the water, and pushed James under the spray as soon as they were naked, backing him up against the wall. Even his lips were cold as they pressed against the younger man's neck, but it wasn't long before their bodies began to thaw out. The heat that built had more to do with their reactions to each other than the steamy water spraying down on them.

 

James shuddered as John bit lightly on the smooth skin at his throat, and both men let out soft moans. Shepard ran his hands over the younger man's skin, trying to map every divot and scar, every line of sinewy muscle. James returned the favor. Shepard wasn't as big as James, but he was every bit as muscular. His body was a weapon on its own; one which the Commander kept in peak condition. “Damn, Johnny,” he murmured, as the Commander kissed his way down the younger man's chest, wrapping his lips around James' nipple and flicking his tongue over the hardened nub. He slipped a knee between the Commander's legs and gently pressed in closer until Shepard was groaning and grinding himself against the man's thigh.

 

“ I want you to fuck me, Jimmy,” he breathed, and James cursed under his breath, clutching the Commander closer to his body, fingers digging into the man's back. “Let me go get the stuff.” Shepard pushed James off and tried to disentangle himself, but the younger man pulled him back several times, bringing their lips together each time until Shepard was laughing and pushing him away. “I'll be right back.”

 

James was leaning against the wall, trying to catch his breath when Shepard returned, shivering, carrying the bottle of lube and a condom. The Commander dropped to his knees and took James' cock into his mouth without preamble, and the younger man cried out at the sensation, bucking helplessly into the man's mouth. Blue eyes gleamed up at him happily as Shepard hummed around his engorged dick, and James felt like his legs might give out at any moment. Sometimes it was still hard to believe that this was really happening to him. That he was in a budding relationship with Commander  _ fucking _ Shepard, of all people. That the Savior of the Galaxy was on his knees sucking James' dick. He shuddered and let out a groan. The thought turned him on more than it probably should have.

 

This was all still new to James – sex with a man. Not that he wasn't enjoying it, because he was. Immensely. Shepard was incredible in bed, and now that he was over his fears of how things would go, he couldn't get enough. They'd fucked like rabbits during the trip to Rio, but he was still fumbling with things that Shepard obviously had more experience with – like prepping him for anal. James looked down to see John's arm working as his fingers slid in and out of himself, making room for James, and the whole thing was so fucking erotic – so amazingly sensual – that James almost came in Shepard's mouth right then and there. He jerked his hips back, freeing himself from the blistering heat of the Commander's mouth. John grinned up at him then rolled the condom onto the younger man's cock before standing up.

 

Their mouths came together again, tongues twining, and John took both of their cocks into one hand, stroking them together. “Fucking hell,” James whispered. “I think you're trying to kill me.”

 

John laughed, low and deep. “Ready to fuck me?”

 

“ Oh fuck yes,” he rasped, turning the Commander around to face the wall. Groaning at the sight of the man spread out, braced by his hands against the wall, ass jutted out invitingly. James took a moment to appreciate the view before smoothing both palms over Shepard's ass cheeks then kneading roughly. John moaned, rocking his hips back in a silent plea. The younger man lined himself up with the Commander's opening and slowly pushed in. Shepard let his forehead fall against the shower wall and voiced his pleasure with a long, drawn out moan, fingers curling into his palms.

 

“ God, yes... Jimmy... fuck me, please.”

 

James slid out and back in slowly, relishing the whimpering noises he was coaxing from the other man. Shepard tried to thrust back against him, but James pressed himself closer, trapping the Commander between the shower wall and his own hard body. Shepard grunted in frustration as the younger man bucked shallowly against him, barely giving him any friction whatsoever. James' lips left a trail of warm kisses across the back of John's shoulders, and Shepard brought one hand back to ruffle James' hair, tangling in and gripping tight to pull him closer still. James bit down on the junction between John's shoulder and neck.

 

“ Fuck,” Shepard breathed, body shuddering. “Please, James.” The plea was merely a breath, barely heard above the din of the shower, but it made James' knees buckle just the same. Craning his neck, John brought their lips together briefly before giving James a look that said he was done playing. The younger man swallowed hard and gripped the Commander's hips, brushing their lips together one last time before pulling out and slamming back in.

 

“ Oh god, yes!” Shepard cried. The two of them soon found a rhythm, meeting each other halfway with every thrust. “Harder, Jimmy... please... fuck me harder.”

 

“ Ay, dios mío, vas a ser la muerte de mi,” James muttered.

 

Shepard loved it when he could get Jimmy to talk to him in Spanish. It felt like a real achievement. He grinned at James over his shoulder, and that just seemed to spur the man even further. With a growl, James clamped down harder on John's hips, leaving half moons in his skin with his nails. There would probably be bruises tomorrow, but he already knew that John liked that. There were still a few greenish looking marks from a day or two ago. James had his share as well. The thought sent a tingle through him. “Good,” Shepard crooned, voice hoarse, as James speared him over and over. “Fuck yeah... just like that, Jimmy. You're so fucking good at this.”

 

James' eyes locked on the spot where his cock was disappearing inside the Commander's body. “Damn, this ass is so fucking tight,” he groaned, rocking into Shepard.

 

“ Love the way you feel inside me,” Shepard panted. “Can't get enough.”

 

James' mind blanked out in pleasure and – he was man enough to admit it – pride. Everyone liked to hear that their body was appreciated. To hear it from this particular man was like the biggest ego stroke in the galaxy. The thrill he felt at John's words was enough to send him spiraling toward oblivion. “Johnny... fuck... I'm gonna come.”

 

“ Yes, Jimmy... fuck!” Shepard pushed back harder and faster until James' dam broke. The younger man's body trembled as it collided with the Commander's, pinning him to the wall while he caught his breath. Shepard was still painfully hard, but he gave the man a minute to recuperate, reaching a hand back to card through his wet hair.

 

Groaning, James pulled out, then turned Shepard to face him, claiming his mouth then kissing his way down the Commander's body until he was kneeling in front of the man. Shepard's pupils were still blown wide with lust, and James couldn't suppress the shiver he felt whenever John looked at him that way. Shepard gave him a soft smile, and James wrapped his lips around the head of the man's cock, earning a moan from John.

 

Here was a thing James never imagined liking before meeting Shepard. So many of his beliefs about who and what he was had been shattered by John Shepard. Not surprising really. Johnny had made it his life's ambition to shake up the galaxy. Why should it surprise him that he was able to rock the world of one James Vega?

 

James took him back as far as he could without gagging. He hadn't quite worked out the deepthroat thing like Shepard had. He'd get it though. James had yet to meet a challenge he couldn't master, and the better he was at pleasing Shepard, the better it would be for both of them. There was no clear victor in this game, but that didn't mean it wasn't a game worth playing.

 

He slid two fingers into John's ass, eliciting another lewd moan, and quickly found the bundle of nerves hidden there that had Shepard cursing and muttering incoherently. He kept up his assault of the Commander's cock with his lips and tongue, and John gripped James' hair tight – almost too tight – in his fist and began thrusting into his mouth. “Goddammit, Jimmy,” Shepard gasped. “Shit fuck yes oh yes... 'bout to come,” he warned, and James decided it was time to bite the bullet and try swallowing. He looked up at Shepard just in time to see his blue eyes widen in shock, and it seemed that the idea of James swallowing his come was enough to fling him over the edge.

 

Johnny stared down at him, eyes wide and dark, mouth hanging open, and he nearly doubled over when his orgasm took him. Thick, hot ropes of come shot down James' throat, and while it wasn't exactly pleasant tasting, it wasn't as bad as he'd always imagined it would be. It was definitely something he could get used to – especially if seeing that look of pleased amazement on Johnny's face was his reward. Spent, Shepard hauled the younger man off the floor and into his arms, bringing their mouths together. The idea that John could taste himself in James’ mouth sent another thrill of arousal through the younger man. 

 

The water was starting to get cold, so they washed the important parts with trembling hands and made a half-assed attempt at drying off before toppling into Shepard's too-small bed in a tangled heap and drifting off to sleep.

 

James woke first with his face smooshed against Shepard's neck. John was still snoring, and every attempt James made to extricate himself from the Commander's grasp was met with a disgruntled noise and a tightening of the man's extremities. Finally, James huffed and gave up, snuggling closer to the man and pressing his lips to his soft skin.

 

He almost fell off the single bed when he pulled back enough to look at the Commander's sleeping face, but once he'd found a balance, he took the time to gaze at the man. He was truly beautiful – inside and out. He supposed it would take him a long time to reconcile the fact that not only was he sexually attracted to a man, but he was also falling hard and fast for the first human Spectre. He probably wasn't the first person that had happened to. One look at Chief Williams told him that she was still in love with the man. James couldn't help feeling glad that she'd fucked things up with him. If she hadn't it would be her lying here in Shepard's arms, studying his sleeping form, instead of James. He couldn't resist trailing a finger down John's perfectly sculpted nose and jaw.

 

Shepard blinked his eyes open, groaning with sleepiness. Their eyes met, and an affectionate smile spread across the Commander's face. “This bed is miserable, huh?”

 

“ For two? Yes,” James informed him with a grin, “but we made it work. Had to practically sleep on top of you.”

 

“ You won't hear me complaining about that,” John said, pressing his lips to James'. “I'm hungry.”

 

James peered out the window. It seemed to be early evening, and the rain had let up. “Let's go out to eat.”

 

“ Do I get anymore time out today?”

 

“ Yeah. Anderson said I could take you out tonight.”

 

“ You two are trying to spoil me.”

 

“ You deserve a little spoiling,” James said, kissing him softly. “I definitely don't agree with their decision to lock your ass in here, but I can't say I'm sorry it happened.”

 

“ Why's that?”

 

“ Because if you weren't in here, we'd have never met, and I couldn't do this.” James climbed on top of the man, shifting him over to make sure they wouldn't fall off the bed, and brought their mouths together again. John moaned into the kiss and ran his hands down James' thickly muscled back, kneading as he went, until he came to rest on the man's firm ass cheeks. He squeezed, drawing James down against him and grinding up into him at the same time. It only took a few moments for them to both be hard and ready to go again.

 

James adjusted them so that both their cocks were pinned between them, then set a steady pace as he rutted against Shepard, cocks rubbing together tantalizingly. They kept the kiss going, only separating for a few desperate drinks of air before reconnecting, and it wasn't long before they were both making a mess all over each other. John's head fell back against the pillow with a groan. “Damn, Jimmy, you make me feel like a teenager again.”

 

James huffed a laugh and kissed a path up Shepard's jawline. “I just can't seem to help myself around you, Johnny. You're... shit, you're like a drug or something.” Shepard laughed with him, pecking him once more before pushing him off so they could hit the shower again to clean up.

 

They walked hand in hand to a little diner that James had found out about just before they'd left for Rio. “I wanted to bring you here before, but well... the trip to Rio and all,” James said, holding the door open for John. It was a blast from the past, made to look like a diner from the nineteen fifties. The waitresses were all wearing poodle skirts and roller skates, and even the music was old doo wap.

 

John looked around wide eyed, grinning when he spotted the retro soda fountain. Root beer floats. He grabbed James by the face and kissed him right on the lips. “You're the best, Jimmy.” James ducked his head sheepishly, happy that John was pleased with his surprise.

 

They took their seats in a booth near the back, but with a good view of English Bay out the window. It was getting dark, but the last golden rays of the sun were reflecting off the water, and the whole thing was actually quite magical. They both ordered cheeseburgers and fries and root beer floats. John took a sip of the drink that he remembered so well from his childhood, and it tasted just like his memories. He smiled at James, a shy blush creeping onto his skin. “This is really, really great, James. Thank you for bringing me here.”

 

“ I asked around when you told me about the root beer floats,” he said with a shrug. “Figured twenty four years was long enough to wait.”

 

Shepard reached across the table and gave James' hand a gentle squeeze. They were halfway through their meal, deep in conversation when someone called his name. John looked over his shoulder and saw Joker and Ashley Williams making their way toward them. “Joker? How the hell are you?” He stood and shook his pilot's hand.

 

“ Better than you. I'm not under lock down. Just grounded.” He slid into the booth beside Shepard, and Ashley looked slightly embarrassed as she took her seat next to James. Shepard introduced the two men. “So what're you doing here? I thought they'd left you to rot.”

 

“ I get two hours a day outside,” the Commander informed him. “James brought me out for dinner.”

 

Joker quirked an eyebrow, but Shepard didn't offer any more information.

 

“ What about you two,” John gestured between the pilot and Williams.

 

“ Ran into him at the shipyard,” Ash said. “We thought we'd catch up over dinner. This place has the best root beer floats.”

 

“ Yeah. They're great,” Shepard said, cutting his eyes toward James quickly. “So what have you been up to, Joker?”

 

“ Working with the retrofit team on the Normandy. EDI told them she was a VI and would only respond to my commands,” he chuckled. Shepard cut his eyes at Ashley. He didn't know how much she knew about the new ship, but he suspected she wouldn't be happy about an unshackled AI created by Cerberus. She didn't notice his look, but Joker did. “So, Greg Adams is heading the engineering team,” he said quickly to change the subject.

 

“ No shit? How's he?”

 

“ Good I guess. We don't speak often.”

 

“ Well, tell him I said hello.”

 

The waitress came to take their order before anyone could say anything else, and John gave James a look and shook his head, almost imperceptibly, while Ash and Joker were distracted with ordering. He didn't think Ashley would be vindictive enough to tell on them, but he didn't want to take any chances. James nodded his understanding, though John saw the flash of disappointment in his eyes. He tried to give him an apologetic smile, but the waitress walked away, and he was drawn back into conversation with Joker.

 

“ So, you seen any of the rest of the crew,” Joker asked.

 

“ Saw Jacob Taylor in Rio. He was heading out to help an old friend with a problem she was having.”

 

“ Would that old friend be Miranda?”

 

“ I don't think so,” Shepard said, scratching his chin. “I think he would have told me otherwise.”

 

“ Still can't believe those two used to be a thing,” Joker said, shaking his head. “Jacob is way too nice a guy to have to put up with that she-devil!”

 

Shepard laughed. “Miranda's not so bad,” he said.

 

“ She was nice to you? Because all she ever did was give me shit!”

 

“ She was nice that one time,” Shepard laughed. “You know when I helped her with her sister?”

 

“ Right. So as long as you're willing to drop everything on her whim and do whatever she asks, she's nice? That's called a she-devil, Commander.”

 

“ Yeah, okay. I guess you have a point,” Shepard conceded with a chuckle.

 

“ I feel like I missed out on a lot,” Ashley said, frowning. “I know next to nothing about the Normandy and her crew, now.”

 

“ Well, you shouldn't have been such an ass on Horizon then,” Joker said flatly. Both Shepard and Ashley looked away, rubbing the backs of their necks.

 

“ I'm going to go to the restroom,” she said and practically bolted from her chair.

 

“ So what's the real deal with you two,” Joker asked pointing between John and James.

 

“ We're dating,” Shepard confessed. “But I don't want Ashley to know. Not sure if she would make trouble or not, you know?”

 

“ I don't think she would, but I guess you can't be too careful,” Joker said. “Well, congratulations anyway. I can keep a secret when galactic security is at stake.”

 

Shepard laughed. “I wouldn't exactly say it was of galactic importance, but if the wrong people find out it will be over pretty quickly-”

 

“ And making sure you get laid on a regular basis is definitely of galactic importance, Commander. Sorry, but you're grumpy as hell when you're not getting any.”

 

John rolled his eyes, while James laughed out loud. “You're an ass, Joker!” he hissed.

 

“ But you'd be lost without me!”

 

“ Thanks for keeping it quiet though,” John said sincerely.

 

“ No problem, Shepard. Figure the world owes you a few favors.”

 

Shepard snorted and took another bite of his burger as Ashley sat back down. “So, where have you two been for the last few days,” she asked, popping a fry into her mouth. “Haven't seen you around the gym or range.”

 

“ I was in Rio with Anderson,” Shepard informed her. “Had to do a thing at the Villa.”

 

“ Yeah, I saw the vid. Impressive, Shepard. You've still got it, that's for damn sure.”

 

John rubbed his neck again, willing his cheeks not to turn red, and muttered, “Thanks.”

 

“ Vega?” She turned her brown eyes on the younger man, blinking expectantly.

 

“ Well, with Shepard gone, I had a few days off,” he said, waving a hand dismissively, trying not to look and sound guilty. He had nothing to be ashamed of. They'd been with Admiral Anderson for god's sake.

 

“ Oh, hey,” Joker said, taking the attention off James and Shepard, “Garrus sent me a message to give to you. He figured they wouldn't let anything from Palaven get through to you.”

 

“ Really?” John asked hopefully. “How is he?”

 

“ Here, read it yourself.” Joker pulled the message up on his omni-tool and held it so that Shepard could read it.

  
  


_ Shepard, _

 

_ I hope they're treating you well. Glad I'm not a human if this is the way the Alliance rewards its heroes. Still, I'm sure you'll figure out a way to get out of there soon enough. If not, I'll make sure to kick some reaper ass in your honor. _

 

_ I'm actually staying on Palaven with my folks and my sister right now – if you can believe it. Solana says hi – that's my sister, by the way. My nosy sister. Dad and I have been managing to keep the peace. I think he's starting to believe your claims about the reapers. He's listening to me and asking questions anyway. _

 

_ If you need me to bust you out, let me know, and we'll tear crap up the way we always do. When they spring you, the first round is on me. _

 

_ Take care, _

_ Garrus _

 

John stared at the message for a few moments with a stupid grin on his face, and glanced at Joker, seeking silent permission. At the pilot's nod, he tapped out a quick response.

 

_ Vakarian, _

 

_ Doing well. No end in sight though. How's your mom? Any progress? _

 

_ Maybe you could come see me? I am allowed to have visitors you know. Bring a couple bottles with you, and we'll work on our exit strategy. _

 

_ I'm glad your dad is listening to you. Maybe he can use his pull to get the Hierarchy to actually do something. There's no change on this end. Alliance is still denying the threat. At least there's a decent view from my cell window. _

 

_ I don't want to say too much through a message, but I met a guy. Tell you more when I see you in person. I get out two hours a day. Maybe we could do a vid call? Let Joker know. _

 

_ Talk to you soon. _

_ Shepard _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my amazing beta, sparkly_butthole! She really is the best! 
> 
> James' Spanish quote during the sex scene: "My god, you're going to be the death of me." (As an aside, I do speak a little Spanish - well, a good bit - but my sentence structures are atrocious, so I did use Google Translate for any Spanish you find in this story - and there is more to come. Thanks for putting up with that for me!)
> 
> Wanna come join me on tumblr? ellebeedarling.tumblr.com (btw, I'm doing a fic giveaway for follower appreciation if you're interested - you have until May 15 to enter, but you can only enter on tumblr!)
> 
> See y'all next week!   
> Much love,   
> Elle


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and John break some more rules, and they finally let the cat out of the bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like forever since I posted an update, although I know it was only last week! Traveling does that to you, I guess. 
> 
> I want to say an extra special thank you to my beta sparkly_butthole, who is an amazing friend and writer! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it sooner, honestly. He really didn't want to get James in trouble, but the younger man had insisted on going through with it after Shepard mentioned it. It really was against the rules, though, and John was starting to think that they were flaunting it a little too much, skirting the bounds of his confinement. Still, he couldn't help the thrill that spiked through him as he watched James in the kitchen whipping up some tacos while they waited for the call to connect from Palaven.

 

“ Shepard!” Garrus' deep, dual toned voice resounded through the terminal. The picture was grainy, but Shepard could make out his friend well enough. “You look good.”

 

“ Garrus! Damn it's good to see your ugly face!”

 

The turian laughed, a sound that made Shepard feel happy and free. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed his friend. “Got your bottle?” Garrus asked, waving a bottle of his own. John held up his whiskey.

 

“ May as well give it up, Vakarian. You're never gonna out drink me!”

 

“ We'll just see about that.” There was movement behind Garrus, and the turian waved away whoever was intruding. Shepard heard someone huff, “Just let me see him. Once? Please?” He looked at James who wasn't even trying to hide his grin, and then heard Garrus sigh, “John Shepard, this is my very pushy sister, Solana Vakarian.” A female turian, wearing the same blue markings on her face as Garrus, appeared in the vid screen.

 

“ Hello,” she said.

 

“ Hello. Nice to meet you,” Shepard replied.

 

“ Likewise, Commander. You and the Normandy are all Garrus has talked about since he came home. Is there something going on between you two?”

 

John choked on the swig of whiskey in his mouth and fell into a coughing fit. “Spirits, Sol,” he heard Garrus say in the background. Meanwhile, James was laughing hysterically.

 

“ Um... no,” he managed after a minute or two. “We're just friends.”

 

“ Well, in that case-”

 

“ Solana!” Garrus interrupted, shoving her over so that he could get back in the picture. “Sorry about that,” he muttered, glaring at his sister

 

The Commander was rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment while James cackled. “This is my boyfriend James Vega,” he said, turning the terminal to get a shot of the highly amused man.

 

“ Nice to meet you, James,” Garrus and Solana said at the same time.

 

“ You too, Solana, Vakarian. Loco talks about you all the time too, though it never occurred to me that the two of you were doing the nasty or anything.”

 

“ Thanks for that,” John said wryly, and James and Solana were both guffawing now. “Garrus, I think we're going to need to be drunker if this is going to continue.”

 

“ Agreed,” the turian said, raising his bottle. Shepard did the same, and they both took a swig. “So how are you, really?” Garrus asked in that way of his that always let Shepard know he'd accept no bullshit responses.

 

John shrugged. “It fucking sucks. What else can I say? I get to go to the gym whenever I want, the range three times a week, and I can leave for two hours a day as long as I'm escorted. Could be worse, I guess.”

 

“ Not supposed to be making vid calls, probably,” Garrus grinned.

 

“ No. James could lose his ass if they find out he's letting me do this,” Shepard said, giving James a concerned look.

 

“ No worries, Loco,” the younger man said with a wink and kept working on whatever he was doing in the kitchen.

 

“ Loco?”

 

“ Yeah,” James said with a shrug. “You've known him longer than me. He's fucking crazy, right?”

 

“ A fair point,” the turian conceded while Shepard rolled his eyes.

 

“ So, what have you been up to, Garrus,” John asked, trying to take the focus off himself.

 

“ Trying to convince someone to listen to me,” he said with an exaggerated sigh.

 

“ Good luck with that,” John told him. “Let me know if you figure out the magic phrase that makes people believe, 'cause I'd love to hear it.”

 

“ They're really not listening to you, even after Aratoht?”

 

“ Hell no. The first few weeks I had to go before the Defense Committee every day, but now they never ask to see me.” He shrugged and took another drink. “Even Anderson and Hackett can't get them to listen.”

 

“ Damn.”

 

“ Yeah. Please tell me you've been doing something other than worrying about the reapers, Garrus. Let me live vicariously through you.”

 

“ I think I should be saying that to you. Even in jail you managed to find yourself a boyfriend,” Garrus chuckled, and Shepard blushed. “And we've all seen the vid of you doing that obstacle course thing. Where was that?”

 

John groaned. “Dammit! I need to hunt down whoever posted that vid and kick their ass.” He sighed, “That was in Rio at ICT.”

 

“ N7 training?”

 

“ Yeah. Hey, you should come to Earth, and we can see which one of us would get the better time!” John said excitedly.

 

“ No thanks, Shepard. Not interested in having my ass handed to me. I could tell even in the vid you were barely trying.”

 

“ Still, you could come to Earth. I think Joker misses you.”

 

Garrus snorted. “We could have a party. Crash Alliance HQ.”

 

“ Exactly!”

 

“ Omega still hasn't recovered from our last party, or so I've been told.”

 

Shepard hooted with laughter. “Aria probably regrets giving us that room in Afterlife. God, who knew krogan could puke that much? And he just kept right on drinking!”

 

“ And I wonder exactly how many dancers Zaeed defiled that night. Every time I saw him he was with a different one.”

 

“ What about Kelly,” Shepard said. “I think she did every turian in there at least once... well, except you!”

 

“ She's not my type,” Garrus said flatly, and John snorted.

 

“ What exactly is your type, then?”

 

“ Turian... definitely not slutty Cerberus yeomen. Besides, I thought she was into you.”

 

“ Pfft... She kept trying to get me to invite her up to my cabin for dinner. No way! I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid!”

 

“ I admire your restraint, Shepard,” Garrus deadpanned.

 

John flipped him off. They talked for awhile longer, and when they were finally ready to sign off, Shepard was pleasantly buzzed. James set a plate of tacos al pastor in front of him, but John wasn't particularly interested in eating at the moment, and pulled the younger man half across the counter to meld their mouths.

 

“ Dinner first,” James insisted, prying the Commander's fingers off his shirt. “Fucking later.”

 

Shepard grunted in disapproval and stood to get better leverage against the lieutenant, backing him into the refrigerator. It was hard for James to resist the siren call of those soft lips pressing against his, but he knew they were running out of time. With considerable effort, he pushed Shepard off him with a firm hand in the center of his chest. John gave him a disappointed look, but nodded and turned to resume his seat. James grabbed his hand. “Don't be mad at me, Johnny,” the younger man said. “We're running out of time is all.”

 

“ Yeah,” Shepard said. “We'll always be running out of time, Jimmy.” He flopped back down on his stool and propped his cheek on his fist, and James mentally kicked himself for ruining the man's good mood. James went to him, pulling him back into his arms. “I'm sorry, James,” Shepard whispered. “Thank you for this. For dinner and everything. I don't deserve you.”

 

“ Stop. You know I'm glad to do it for you. I'm just sorry I disappointed you.”

 

“ You didn't, I just... wish we had more than these short little snippets of time together. I... well, it doesn't matter. It won't ever change. Does...” John pulled back to look into the younger man's eyes. “Are you happy with this?” He waved his hand vaguely between the two of them. “I mean... what if this is all we ever have?”

 

“ I'm happier than I've ever been, Johnny. I mean that. And if this is all we ever have, then I'll appreciate it for what it is.” He drew Shepard closer and brought their lips together, tilting his head so that they could deepen the kiss. “Now, come on and let’s eat. You know I don't like cold food.”

 

**

 

They met Joker and Ashley at Moody's, the seedy bar that had become  _ their place _ . Over the last two months it had become their habit to meet the pair once a week or so. It felt nice to have something regular to look forward to. They still hadn't told Ash that they were together, but she wasn't an idiot. John suspected she knew, and if she'd said anything to anyone, there had yet to be any backlash. Shepard ordered their standard drinks – glass of draft beer for Vega, scotch on the rocks for himself – and headed over to the booth where Joker, Ash, and James were already waiting for him.

 

Joker was sitting beside James, so Shepard reluctantly took his seat next to Ash, feeling awkward. It wasn't as if he ever thought of the time he and Ash had been together anymore, but the last time they'd really talked about it, she'd told him she still cared about him. They'd only been sipping their drinks and talking for a few minutes when a slow song came on and Ashley asked Shepard to dance.

 

“ I don't dance, Ash. You know that.” He looked away and took a sip of his drink, hoping that would be the end of it.

 

“ Come on, Shepard. Humor me.”

 

“ I-”

 

“ Go on and dance with the woman, Loco,” James was giving him a small smile that told him he was okay with it. John wanted to kick him under the table. It took tremendous strength of will not to sigh in exasperation as he slid back out of his seat and took Ashley's hand. He shot James a glare over his shoulder as the two of them walked toward the dance floor.

 

Since it was a slow song, John, thankfully, didn't have to worry too much about where his feet should go. He was able to just hold onto Ashley and sway back and forth a little. His body tensed up when she laid her head on his shoulder. “I miss you, Shepard,” she murmured, barely loud enough to be heard over the music.

 

“ Ash, I-”

 

“ Don't say anything. Please. I know you don't feel the same anymore, I just... had to tell you at least once... I love you, John.”

 

“ You shouldn't. You deserve someone better.”

 

She pulled back and looked up into his eyes. “There is no one better than you.”

 

“ I'm seeing someone, Ash,” he said bluntly. “It's James. James and I are together. Have been for a couple of months now – since before Rio.”

 

“ Oh... I... why haven't you said anything?”

 

His eyes darted around the room nervously for a few moments. He wasn't sure which he'd been dreading more – telling her about him and James or telling her why he hadn't said anything before now. “I didn't know how you would react,” he said at last.

 

Ashley stopped dancing and dropped her hands to her sides. “You thought I'd freak out or something?”

 

“ I thought you'd tell on us.”

 

“ You really think I'm that vindictive?”

 

“ I don't know, Ash,” he said, shrugging helplessly. “I don't know you anymore. I never thought that Horizon would happen the way it did either. What am I supposed to think? You're always such a damn stickler for the rules unless what  _ you _ want lies outside of that, and I just... James means a lot to me. I don't want anything... or anyone to fuck it up.”

 

“ I'm not sure what I ever did to make you think that I would do anything to purposefully hurt you, John. I'm sorry for Horizon. I don't know how many ways I can apologize for it. I doubted you, and I lost you because of it. I'd hoped that we could at least repair our friendship, but evidently you don't think I'm a friend worth having.” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from him, eyes burning.

 

“ I didn't say that, Ash. Dammit! Why does it have to turn into an argument every time we talk to one another?” He threw his hands up in frustration.

 

“ I don't know,” she huffed. “I guess... I just feel like...”

 

“ It was always like this, you know,” he said more quietly. “I think we just got... swept up in the moment or something, but we argued quite a bit before.”

 

She laughed quietly. “Yeah... I guess we did. Guess this just wasn't meant to be, huh?'

 

He shook his head slowly. “No, Ash. It wasn't. I think we both just needed someone to hold onto at the time.” He led her over to the bar so they could stop taking up space on the dance floor and drawing attention to themselves. “Two shots of whiskey.”

 

“ Is it different with James?” She asked, accepting the glass from the bartender, and turning it in her fingers.

 

He shrugged. “It feels like it, but... I don't know. He and I don't have much of a future, do we? Eventually he's going to want to settle down and get married, and he won't be able to do that with me.”

 

“ Never knew you were so pessimistic. Thought it was always sunshine and roses with you.”

 

“ A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist, Ash,” he grinned and held up his shot glass. “Truce?”

 

“ Truce.” She agreed and knocked her drink back while Shepard did the same. “You know I'm going to tease the two of you mercilessly now, right?”

 

“ I'd expect nothing less,” he said, offering her his arm and leading her back to the table.

 

“ Did he step on your feet or something,” Joker asked. “That was probably the worst I've ever seen Shepard dance.”

 

“ She picked a fight with me,” John said, sipping his scotch, and grinning when Ash punched him on the shoulder. “Come on, Joker, switch sides with me. She won't dare hit a cripple!” She punched him again before he could get out of the booth, and he laughed and rubbed his shoulder with an, “Ow,” of disapproval. Sliding in next to James, he wrapped his arm around the younger man's shoulders, earning him raised eyebrows from both the man in question and Joker. He held his drink up to James and gave him a wink, and James grinned, clinking his glass with Shepard's before they both took a sip.

 

“ So, now that the cat is finally out of the bag,” Ashley said, “how the hell did this happen?” She waved a hand toward James and John.

 

“ Yeah, I've been wondering that myself,” Joker said.

 

“ Wait! You knew?” She asked the pilot.

 

“ Ah shit... uh... yeah-”

 

“ Hey, Johnny,” James interrupted, “why don't we go dance while these two work this out.” He grinned at the Commander who surprisingly didn't complain, just stood and took James by the hand. It was another slow song, and James pulled the older man into his arms, lips meeting with tender affection. “I'm glad you told her,” he murmured. “Felt like we were pretending before.”

 

“ I know. It feels good to have the air cleared,” John admitted, bringing a hand up to curl around the back of James' neck, and brushing the tips of their noses together. “So, I was thinking... you never let me cook for you.”

 

“ My roommate just got back a couple days ago.”

 

“ Oh.”

 

“ I don't think he'd care,” James added quickly. “I just didn't know what you would think about coming over with him there.”

 

“ Do you think he'd keep quiet about us?”

 

“ Yeah. Nelson's cool. He's been dating a lieutenant in his squad too, so he's got no room to talk.”

 

Shepard snorted. “Wonder why the Alliance bothers with frat regs,” he said. “Everybody breaks them. Hell, even Anderson's hook up is a lieutenant.” He draped his arms over James' shoulders, and the younger man gripped his hips as they moved back and forth.

 

“ You're the first that has turned into more than just a one night stand,” James said, ducking his head. John smiled and brushed his lips against the younger man's briefly. “You... mean a lot to me, Johnny.”

 

“ So do you, Jimmy.”

 

“ I've... uh.. been thinking.”

 

Shepard's face fell, and his body reflexively tensed up. James noticed and kissed him for reassurance.

 

“ Nothing bad, Johnny,” he said. “At least... I hope it's nothing bad.” He stopped and cleared his throat, and that did nothing for the welling panic in John's chest. This was all he had in life right now – his connection to this man. He didn't think he was using James for his own comfort and peace, but the thought of it made him feel physically ill. The thought of losing it so soon – with nothing but endless days and years of imprisonment ahead of him – made him feel faint. “My abuela is coming to visit me next week,” James finally blurted. “I want you to meet her.”

 

John blinked. That was certainly not what he'd been expecting. He'd never met anyone's parents before. He'd only had a couple serious relationships, other than Ash. One was a nurse named Rebekah that he'd met on shore leave after ICT. They'd dated for six months before she got tired of him being gone all the time and called things off. The other was an accountant, Edward, that had helped him do his taxes one year. They'd actually managed to stay together for two years before Edward got tired of being the proverbial military spouse – well, significant other at least - and that had ended the relationship. Edward's parents had been killed in a shuttle crash when he was a child, and he had no other family to speak of. So that left Shepard gaping at James now with a dry mouth and fluttering stomach.

 

The younger man shifted nervously. “Uh.. you don't... I mean if it's too soon for-”

 

“ I'd love to meet your abuela, Jimmy,” he said, kissing the younger man fiercely. “Never been asked to meet someone's family before is all.”

  
“ Oh... well, good, then,” James smiled. “Yeah. That's good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos, etc! 
> 
> tumblr is here: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard meets James' family, and things do not go at all as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, y'all have to put up with some more of my poor Spanish skills in this chapter. Spanish phrases in the text will be marked with a number. Translation will be in the footnotes. :)

If John was worried about meeting Anna Maria Vega, he didn't show it. James on the other hand was practically shaking in his boots. He'd told her about the two of them, of course. Listened – repeatedly – to her questions about why he was gay all of a sudden. James didn't think he was gay. Vaguely he'd been wondering for awhile now if  _ Shepard-addicted _ was a sexual orientation. If so, that's definitely where he was. Anyway, he liked Johnny's approach to it. What they had together was unique to them. It didn't need labels.

 

When his uncle Emilio had found out about Shepard, he'd insisted on coming along on the trip with James' abuela. James had informed John of the fact, and it hadn't seemed to faze him. “Cool,” was all he'd said and continued dressing. He looked good – amazing really, but when did he not look amazing – in a pair of jeans that were just tight enough in all the right places to make James' brain short circuit a little when he'd given the man the once over. John had smirked and pulled on a leather jacket over his white button up shirt.

 

James could have eaten him with a spoon.

 

They strolled through HQ with their hands stuffed into their pockets, then laced their fingers together as soon as they'd rounded the corner as was their usual custom. Shepard had been in jail for just over four months now. It was wearing on him, James had noted. He was itching to get out and do something. Anything other than sitting in that room for the better part of every day. James was always on the lookout for fun things that they could do in less than two hours so that John could feel like he had a normal life without missing curfew.

 

It was starting to wear on James as well, truth be told. Not that John wasn't worth it. He absolutely was, but it would be nice to spend the night together, like they had in Rio. To go away for the weekend. To do something as simple as going to the movies – they were too long to get Shepard back on time. Even bringing him home for dinner was somewhat of an ordeal. James had to make sure he did all the shopping and prep before going to pick John up, or they ran the risk of just having to shove their food down their throats and hightail it right back over to HQ.

 

He'd thought more than once about talking to Anderson. Seeing if the admiral could work the 'time off for good behavior' angle. Other than his minor flaunting of authority at the obstacle course in Rio, Shepard had been a model prisoner. Well, as far as the brass knew anyway. He hadn't been late for his curfew even once, and if they asked him to do something, he did it without hesitation.

 

“ You're awfully quiet, Jimmy,” John said, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

 

“ Just nervous.”

 

“ Afraid I'm going to make a bad impression?”

 

“ More afraid that my family will scare you off,” he admitted.

 

John stopped suddenly and pulled James toward him. “Hey,” he said soothingly, “I'm not going anywhere, okay? We're good, right? You and me?”

 

“ We're great,” James said, brushing his lips against the other man's. “Just wish we could have more time outside like this,” he added as they resumed their walk toward James' apartment.

 

“ Me too.” Shepard was quiet for awhile. “This really isn't fair to you, Jimmy, you know?” He stopped again and forced James to look at him. “I can't help but feel I'm being really fucking selfish.” His blue eyes searched James' brown ones. “I'm sorry.”

 

“ Don't be sorry, Johnny. At least don't regret this. I know I sure as hell don't.”

 

“ But you may,” Shepard said.

 

“ So we're going to base our relationship off of what may or may not happen? I don't like the sound of that,” James told him with a frown.

 

“ That's not what I meant.” He looked around for a moment and sighed. “I don't want things to change. I care about you... sometimes more than I want to admit even to myself, and because I care about you so much, I... don't want you to feel trapped by me. By us. If-”

 

“ Are you trying to give me another out, Loco?”

 

“ Yes.”

 

“ Stop.”

 

“ James-”

 

“ I mean it. I don't want out. I have faith that the Alliance will come to their senses and let you out or the reapers will come and kill us all and it won't matter. Personally, I'd prefer the first one, but... either way, I want this. I want you.” He twisted John's collar in his fists to drag the older man against him. “If you don't want this, then you'll have to tell me man to man, not-”

 

“ I didn't say I didn't want it, James! Jesus! I... shit.. you're the only good thing in my life. You're the only good thing I've had since Cerberus brought me back. Those six months before the Alliance arrested me were some of the…” he looked away, swallowing around the lump in his throat, “loneliest times I can ever remember. Sometimes, I'm afraid I'm using you to fill some need, and I don't fucking want that. I... what we have is real, Jimmy. I just want you to know that. I need you to know how much you mean to me. That it's not just passing time until they let me out and I can find something else.”

 

“ I'm glad. I mean... I wasn't really worried about that, but... well, my uncle brought it up, and I-”

 

John cut him off with a kiss, cupping the back of his head to pull him deeper. “I love you, James,” he said softly when they broke the kiss. “I'm head over heels in love with you.”

 

James made a small noise, like a whimper of relief, and brought their mouths together again. “Dios, te quiero muchísimo.” (1)

 

“ Y yo también,” John grinned down at him when James looked surprised. “I can speak Spanish, you know. I actually speak several languages.” (2)

 

“ Sneaky bastard,” James muttered. “So wait? ...all those times when we were...”

 

“ Understood every word,” he said, grin spreading as James' cheeks flushed pink, then he leaned in to whisper against his ear. “I love it when you talk dirty to me in Spanish, Jimmy. Don't ever stop doing that. When we get back to my place - Quiero resgar apagado toda su ropa. Quiero besar todas las partes de tu cuerpo. Quiero chupar tu polla. Quiero cogerte.” (3)

 

“ Dios mío! You're killing me, Johnny, you know that?”

 

“ You love it and you know it.”

 

“ That I do!”

 

Shepard glanced around and saw that they were alone on the street, so he palmed James through his jeans. The younger man let out a soft moan, and John grabbed his hand and hauled him into the nearest alleyway, pushing him against the wall out of sight of the street.

 

“ What the hell are you doing?” James hissed.

 

“ Something fun just for the hell of it,” John said, grinning like an idiot while undoing James' belt and jeans. “You're going to have to be quiet,” he said, pressing his lips against James', then pointing a finger at him and giving him a warning look before squatting before him. He grinned up at the younger man one more time before taking his already throbbing cock into his mouth. John hummed appreciatively, and James' head fell back against the brick wall of the building he leaned against.

 

“ Holy shit,” he breathed, and John looked up at him again with a warning in his eyes. James bit on the side of his finger to keep from moaning when John took him straight down the back of his throat. Between the feel of John's full lips on his cock and the thrill of getting caught at any moment, it only took a few minutes of John's perfect mouth working with dizzying precision to have James spilling into his lover's mouth. Shepard swallowed him down, licking him clean until James was trembling with the over stimulation to his sensitive skin. John tucked him back into his jeans and fastened them up for him before kissing him once more. He had to take a moment to adjust his own erection before he grabbed James' hand and led him out of the alley and on down the street.

 

“ You really are loco, Johnny.”

 

“ I just gave you an amazing blow job in an alley, and this is the thanks I get?” He said in mock annoyance. James stopped him and yanked him into a delirious kiss. “We're going to be late,” John said softly when they broke apart.

 

“ I love you.”

 

“ I love you, too.”

  
  


**

  
  


“ He's too skinny,” Anna Maria said to James when she met Commander Shepard. James wanted to die of embarrassment. “You're too skinny,” she said to John, himself.

 

“ It's all that cafeteria food I eat,” he confessed with a chuckle. “Tastes like cardboard and paste, most of it.”

 

“ James, you need to cook for him more.”

 

“ Yeah, James, you need to cook for me more,” Shepard agreed with a twinkle in his eye. James rolled his eyes, and John stuck his hand out toward Anna Maria, “It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Vega.”

 

She humphed, then pulled him in to kiss him on each cheek. “Where have you two been? James said it was only a fifteen minute walk. It took you twenty five minutes to get back.”

 

A red flush spread on James' face that his grandmother didn't notice because she was busy setting plates on the dining table. “It was my fault, Mrs. Vega,” John said. “I wasn't ready to go when he got there to pick me up.” James' eyes widened. No one ever dared to lie to Anna Maria Vega. She gave John an appraising look, and he stared her down like the renowned commander that he was. At length, she gave up, nodded her head and declared dinner ready to be served whenever James' uncle Emilio showed up.

 

As if on cue, the man in question barreled into the room not thirty seconds later. “Disculpa mamá,” he said. “Me tomó para siempre salir de la shuttle pad.” He kissed his mother and greeted his nephew before turning his attention toward John Shepard. “Emilio Vega,” he said, thrusting his hand toward the Commander. (4)

 

Shepard took it and shook firmly. “John Shepard. Nice to meet you.”

 

Anna Maria had outdone herself. John had never seen so much food set out for just four people before. He questioned her about everything he put on his plate, mouth watering with anticipation. The foods were all traditional Mexican cuisine, some of James' favorites as a child, he was told – carne asada with beans, rice, homemade tortillas and guacamole, served with fried plantains and some sort of hand made cheese that was very salty, but added an interesting flavor to the beans. Anna Maria was smitten with him right away as he praised her for the delicious food, but they'd hardly done more than fix their plates when Emilio started in on Shepard.

 

“ So, what exactly are your intentions with my nephew?”

 

James cursed under his breath, which earned him a scolding from his abuela. John suppressed a chuckle, covering his smile and wiping it away with his napkin. “I don't guess I have any intentions,” John said, leveling his gaze at the elder Vega. “No hidden ones, anyway. I've been upfront with James about my feelings from the beginning. What would you say my intentions should be after only dating someone for two months?” He quirked one eyebrow at Emilio, who shifted nervously under the Commander's cerulean gaze.

 

James often wondered what it would be like to see John doing his  _ Commander Shepard _ thing. Not just the fighting, but the putting bullshitters in their place part. He figured he was seeing it right now. He should have known his uncle would try to make the man squirm. Of all his family, Emilio had been the most vocal about James suddenly liking men after a lifetime of pursuing women. James was still wrapping his own mind around it. There was no way he could explain it. As he'd told everyone who'd asked, it was just Shepard. There was just something so compelling about the man, James just couldn't resist him. Of course, his uncle had tried to twist that into John using his status and influence to take advantage of James – as if he were some wet behind the ears kid who didn't know how to make his own decisions.

 

“ I just want to be sure you're not taking advantage of him,” Emilio said, quiet but steady.

 

“ I can certainly appreciate and understand that,” John told him. “I hope you'll believe me when I say that I care for James. A very great deal, in fact.” He flicked his gaze to James quickly, saw the man's affectionate smile, and looked back toward Emilio with an expectant expression that said he was done talking and ready for the man to accept or reject what he had to say.

 

“ I just don't understand it,” Anna Maria cut in before Emilio could respond. “James always liked girls!”

 

“ Ay dios!” James said, running a hand down his face. “Abuelita, por favor...”

 

Anna Maria waved a hand a James dismissively. “John, you enjoy having sex with men?”

 

James let out a strangled noise, but John carefully avoided looking at him. “I do. Don't you?” Shepard grinned. Another choking noise. This time from James  _ and _ his uncle.

 

She laughed out loud and slapped him on the arm. “I like him, James! You should keep him!”

 

James changed the subject quickly, and Emilio had a hard time making eye contact with either his mother or the Commander until the meal was nearly finished. “God, I'd be so fat I couldn't fit into my armor if I had you cooking for me all the time, Anna Maria,” John said, pushing his plate away and waving his napkin in mock surrender when she tried to insist on him taking a third helping of everything. “It was a very delicious meal, thank you.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, which made the woman ridiculously happy.

 

“ Dessert now,” she announced, and all three men groaned.

 

“ Abuelita,” James said, “We're too full. Later.”

 

“ John won't be here later,” she complained. “Dessert now. John you'll come help me.”

 

“ Yes ma'am,” the Commander said with a chuckle. James mouthed, “I'm sorry,” to him on his way by, but Shepard just leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “It's okay,” he murmured, then joined Anna Maria in the kitchen where she was heating oil in a large pot.

 

“ Churros,” she announced once he was standing beside her. “Not traditionally for dessert, but they're James' favorite,” she whispered conspiratorially. “James is a good boy,” she added, and James' face turned red across the room.

 

“ I'm pretty fond of him,” Shepard confessed with a grin, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning one hip against the counter.

 

“ You love him?”

 

“ I do.”

 

“ Good. He loves you, too. Be good to him. That's all I ask.”

 

“ Yes ma'am.”

 

She looked up into his blue eyes. John wasn't necessarily a tall man – right at six feet – but Anna Maria was barely over five feet tall. She had to crane her neck to look into his eyes. He smiled softly at her, and she returned the look, patting his cheek.

 

There was a crash outside the door, followed by hushed voices and the shuffling of feet. Shepard started to ignore it, but a loud curse in a distinctly batarian voice had John on high alert. “The fuck? You expecting company, Jimmy?”

 

“ Nope.”

 

“ Weapons?”

 

“ Bedroom.”

 

John motioned with his head, and James took off down the hall, tossing him a pistol a moment later. “In the bedroom,” he barked at Anna Maria.

 

“ But I-”

 

“ _ Now! _ ” He shouted, and she ran toward James' bedroom. Emilio and James both had their weapons ready as Shepard took his position to the right of the door, pistol at the ready. He gave James a look, then nodded his head – once, twice, on the third nod, the lieutenant punched the door panel and took his position on the left side of the door. The Commander peeked around the corner, and swung out of cover, coming face to face with a batarian. Shepard headbutted him, dropping him to the ground in a shower of blood, then rolled out of the way of a bullet that sliced through the air where his head had been a moment before. He kneecapped the second batarian, and heard James calling for backup as he kicked the man's gun out of reach. “How many more of you are there?” he growled.

 

“ Screw you... murderer,” the batarian spat. Shepard kicked him in the chest, knocking him over backward, and put a foot on his throat, pointing the pistol at his head.

 

“ I don't expect you to understand. I'm sorry for what happened if that means anything. But killing me now won't change anything.”

 

“ My wife and daughter were on Aratoht you bastard. 'Sorry' means nothing to me. And your death won't bring them back, but it will bring me peace. Why should you enjoy life and happiness with your family when I cannot?”

 

“ I don't know,” Shepard admitted, kneeling beside the man with a pained expression. “The galaxy is a fucked up place. It doesn't make any sense.”

 

“ I wish you would have stayed dead,” the man said through a clenched jaw.

 

“ Sometimes I wish the same thing. James,” he asked, “got any medi-gel?” The younger man nodded and lowered his gun reluctantly to go retrieve it.

 

The batarian looked up at him then with genuine curiosity. “Why are you being nice to me?”

 

“ You're not my enemy,” Shepard said. “Circumstances could be better. You did just try to kill me after all, but... I deserved it.”

 

“ Why did you do it? Why?”

 

“ What have you heard?”

 

“ That you're a racist who hates my people and wants to see us suffer.”

 

Shepard scoffed. “Figures. Why are you talking to me now if that's what you think?”

 

“ I... don't know... it does not seem an accurate portrayal.”

 

“ Listen. The Alliance is on the way. If they find any more of you, they'll kill you. How many more are here?”

 

“ Five.”

 

“ Call them off,” Shepard ordered. “No need for more of your people to die because of me.” He took the proffered medi-gel from James and slathered it on the man's wounded knee, tearing a strip off the bottom of his own shirt and tying it around the batarian's knee. “I'm no doctor, but I've been trained in field medicine. Hopefully that'll keep you from losing that leg.”

 

The other batarian stirred. “Tell him to stay down,” John said to the man he'd been talking to. Footsteps were heard from the stairs below as the troops rushed for James' apartment. James and John shared a worried glance. This could be it. Their relationship would be over the moment the brass found out about it. James would be stationed off world or anywhere as far away from Shepard as they could get him. Even if they didn't find out, now that an attempt had been made on his life, John would probably be restricted to the HQ building.

 

He felt the noose tightening around his neck, and willed himself to remain calm.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Spanish Translations

1 - God, I love you so much.

2 - And me, too.

3 - I want to rip off all your clothes, and kiss you all over your body. I want to suck your dick. I want to fuck you. 

4 - Forgive me, mama. It took me forever to get away from the shuttle pad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank to my terrific beta sparkly_butthole! 
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger, but ya know, I gotta keep y'all coming back for more! :) 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, comments, etc. 
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Alliance arrives, and James and John discover their fate.

“Drop your weapon!” John heard the MP barking from behind him, felt the cold press of a metal barrel against the back of his head, while five other marines swarmed the floor looking for more assailants. Slowly, he laid the pistol on the ground and put his hands behind his head, staying on his knees. The marine wasn't gentle as he yanked his hands down and handcuffed him.

 

Shepard sighed and cursed under his breath, but didn't bother saying anything in his own defense. James stepped forward angrily, but John caught his eye and shook his head to dissuade him. Just at that moment, Emilio and Anna Maria stepped out of the apartment. John, closed his eyes and turned his face away, ashamed, muttering another curse.

 

“Sorry, Commander,” the MP was saying. “Protocol, you know?”

 

“Right. It would be a real tragedy to breach protocol right now,” he bit out trying to keep his emotions in check and not succeeding all that well.

 

“Let him go, Sergeant,” another, very welcome, voice boomed from behind him.

 

“Anderson. Welcome to the party,” Shepard said wryly.

 

“You alright, son?” the Admiral asked, kneeling beside the Commander. “Get these goddamned cuffs off him right this minute,” he thundered at the MP. “I better not ever see John Shepard in handcuffs again, understood? Every last one of you owes this man your lives, and you'll give him the respect he deserves!”

 

“Come on Gramps,” Shepard said softly. “Let it go. He was just doing his job.”

 

“I'm fucking sick of this bullshit!”

 

“Well, that makes two of us,” John reminded him.

 

“I know, son. I know.” Anderson helped him to his feet. The MP Sergeant was standing rigidly at attention when the two men stood, and the admiral scowled at him again. John took him by the elbow and led him over to where James' family was watching the scene play out.

 

“Anna Maria and Emilio Vega, this is my dad, Admiral David Anderson.”

 

“Your dad?” Emilio asked.

 

“I adopted him when he was seventeen,” Anderson explained.

 

“My folks died when I was a kid,” Shepard added.

 

“I'll bring Shepard back to HQ myself,” Anderson informed the MP's. “You're dismissed. I expect your incident reports to be turned in to me personally first thing in the morning, understood?”

 

“Aye, sir!” Both MP's snapped salutes.

 

James ushered everyone into the apartment, and John let out a vehement curse, accepting a bottle of tequila from James. He took a swig and passed it back to the younger man. “God- _ fucking _ -dammit!” Shepard started pacing the floor rubbing a hand over his short stubble of hair in agitation. “I want James moved somewhere safe. Tonight.”

 

“Loco-”

 

“Do _ not _ fucking argue with me about this James. I will not hesitate to pull rank on your ass!” Shepard said, jabbing a finger in his direction and spearing him with a murderous look. James held his hands up in surrender.

 

“We'll put him and his family in a hotel with guards outside his door for tonight,” Anderson assured him.

 

It didn't seem to appease him, though. James crossed the room and carefully put a hand on his shoulder as John looked out the window. “Hey, Johnny. It'll be alright.”

 

“The hell it will,” John sighed, leaning back against the larger man. James wrapped his arms around him. “If something happens to you...”

 

“Nothing's going to happen.”

 

“You're a target now. Guilty by association with me. I should have... Fuck! I tried to warn you that everything I touch turns to shit.”

 

James kissed him on the cheek, ignoring the other room's occupants. “I'll be okay,” he whispered. “You're Commander Fucking Shepard, and I'm your goddamned bodyguard. I think I can take care of myself.”

 

John huffed a laugh. “I wasn't doubting your abilities, Jimmy. Just... worrying about the man I love. That's allowed, right?”

 

“I suppose so.”

 

Shepard twisted in the man's arms until they were facing each other, and pressed a soft kiss against his lips before releasing him. “What about after tonight?” John asked Anderson.

 

“I was already planning to talk to the defense committee about getting the two of you an apartment to share in the officer's housing. You're not technically under arrest, John. Just house arrest. That presumes you have a house to stay in. No need for you to spend god knows how long in that idiotic cell. I'll speak to them first thing in the morning.”

 

“Won't they freak the fuck out if they find out about us?” John asked.

 

“They already know, Shepard,” Anderson said with a chuckle. “I may have let the cat out of the bag in Rio. Oh, don't look at me like that, John. They're not going to do anything to either of you. I've at least convinced them that you've already suffered punishment enough. They're the ones who keep insisting that this is for your protection, so I told them they needed to stop treating it like an incarceration.”

 

“Well, thanks for that, I guess. You really think they'll go for the apartment thing, though?”

 

“I don't see why not. A couple of them – Huntington and Swalls – have even been asking for more information about the reapers.”

 

“Well, I'll be damned,” John said. “Maybe there's some sense there after all.”

 

“Don't be a smartass, John. You still have a long row to hoe to get back in their good graces.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. You're assuming that I want to be in their good graces. I just want them to let me out and let me live my life.” Shepard waved his hand through the air, then ran it over his head a few times.

 

“No you don't,” Anderson reminded him. “You want back on the Normandy, and you're going to have to be patient to get what you want.”

 

“You think that's ever going to happen?”

 

“I think it's closer than you realize, John,” Anderson admitted. “Hackett and I have been working day and night to dig up evidence to present to the Committee. They're starting to take it seriously. Just yesterday they gave Hackett permission to comb the Mars Archives for more Prothean information on the reapers.”

 

“You're shitting me!”

 

“I'm not. Dr. Liara T'soni is coming in to help. Hackett called her personally.”

 

“Can I see her?” Shepard asked hopefully.

 

“Doubtful,” Anderson said. “The Committee is aware of her connections to the Shadow Broker.”

 

John rolled his eyes. He hadn't even told Anderson about Liara  _ being _ the Shadow Broker now. The fewer people who knew about that the better. “If it can be arranged, I'd like to see her.”

 

“I'll see what I can do.”

 

Shepard nodded, then said, “About the apartment... moving in together is a pretty major step. We haven't even talked about anything like that.” He looked at James who shrugged.

 

“We can talk about it tomorrow.”

 

Another nod from Shepard. “Go pack your shit, Jimmy. I'm not going back until I know you're someplace safe.”

 

“I already have a hotel room for mom and me,” Emilio informed them.

 

“I'd feel better if you moved,” Shepard said. “Just in case. I doubt they have any information on the two of you, but we can't be too careful. If something were to happen to any of you, I'd never forgive myself. Let the Alliance put you up for the night.”

 

“We have rooms reserved for visiting dignitaries at HQ,” Anderson said. “That will be safer than a hotel. No one would dare try to break in there. I'll step outside and make the call.”

 

“I'm sorry you folks got dragged into this mess,” Shepard said with a sigh. “Unfortunately, this is pretty much par for the course in my life.”

 

“It's the first time I've seen anyone shooting at you,” James said.

 

“I'll give you that, but when I'm out in the real world – not living the dream life in prison with you – I get shot at with alarming frequency. In fact it happens at least once a day, on average.”

 

“What, you never get shore leave?”

 

“My last shore leave was on Omega, Jimmy,” John informed him. “You can bet your ass I got shot at. Me and Garrus and Grunt might have gotten into a bar brawl in the VIP room at Afterlife,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “After I smashed a bottle over some turian's head, his buddy decided I'd look better with a hole between my eyes. Grunt decided he'd look better with his nose at the back of his skull. It... wasn't pretty.”

 

“Why am I not surprised that you were in a bar brawl with a turian and a krogan for back up on Omega of all the fucking places?” Both men laughed as they made their way toward James' bedroom to pack an overnight bag. Anna Maria yelled down the hall to chastise James for his language, which made them both laugh even louder.

 

Bags in hand, and a message sent to James' roommate letting him know the apartment wasn't safe, the group made their way to Anderson's skycar parked on the street. “The Committee has agreed to let you stay with James tonight, John. I got you all one of the suites at HQ. Three bedrooms.”

 

“Thanks for this, Gramps,” John said, offering the man a smile and clapping him on the shoulder.

 

“Wish I could do more for you, kid.”

 

“You know I couldn't ask for more from you.” John patted him on the knee, and Anderson returned the gesture, pulling the car into the parking garage at HQ. After swinging by Shepard's cell to pick up some essentials for the night, the group headed up to the wing of the building reserved for dignitaries. It looked like a posh hotel, and John wondered how in the hell they'd rated digs like this. The room was immaculate, and over the top ornate. It was crazy to think that something like this was in the same building as his dingy little cell.

 

Exhausted after the adrenaline crash that always seemed to follow battle, the three men first made their way to the bar the room offered and poured themselves a drink, while Anna Maria hugged them all fiercely and bid them all goodnight. “Holy shit, what a night,” John said, kicking off his boots and flopping onto the couch. James copied him, and John slung an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close.

 

“It was rather impressive watching you work, Commander,” Emilio said, sipping his tequila.

 

“Please, just call me John,” Shepard said. “And thank you. That was very light compared to what I'm used to dealing with. That guy was too guilty to go through with it.”

 

“How do you know?” James asked.

 

“If he'd really wanted to kill me, he could have,” Shepard said. “I was kneeling in front of him with a pistol, loosely held, in my hand. He looked at it several times, but each time, he closed his eyes to it. He was scared, ashamed of what he and his toadies were doing, guilty because he knew his wife wouldn't have approved of that behavior.”

 

“How the hell did you know all that?” James wondered.

 

“I'm very well trained, Jimmy,” Shepard said with a laugh. “Plus, I have a pretty good sense about people. Probably why they started looking at me for ICT in the first place.”

 

“Loco! Loco is what you are!”

 

“Would you have me any other way?”

 

“Hell no!”

 

“Thought not.” They finished their drinks and bid goodnight to James' uncle. “I need a shower,” Shepard said, stepping into their room in the suite. “Want to join me?”

 

“Yeah, that would be good,” James said, but not with his usual enthusiasm.

 

“Want to talk first?”

 

James shook his head with a grin. “Training?”

 

“No... being able to read my boyfriend's moods. Totally different skill set.”

 

The younger man snorted a laugh and sat down on the edge of the bed. John sat next to him, lacing their fingers together. “I want to move in together if they'll let us,” James said. “Do... is that something you would want?”

 

“Absolutely,” Shepard said. “I just didn't want to push you. You should know how I am by now.”

 

“It almost seems like you're indecisive at times,” James said, fiddling with John's fingers in his hands.

 

“James, look at me,” he waited till he had the younger man's attention before continuing. “I love you. I'm not indecisive about you or us. I just... don't want to push you into anything you're not ready for. You seem like you’re over the... hero worship, or whatever you want to call it, stage. And, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just afraid that you're responding to the  _ Commander Shepard _ hype, and willing to go along with anything I say. I guess I’m just afraid of taking advantage of you, and because of that... I need you to be the one to take charge here. I know that sounds crazy, and I'm not talking about some freaky sex thing. I just mean... I don't want there to be any doubts at any step along the way, okay? Every time we take it to the next level, I want it to be your decision, not mine. It's why I didn't want to kiss you first or make the first move when it came to sex. I hope I've been enthusiastic enough since the first time for you to know how much I want you. I mean, now that we've crossed that line, I don't mind being assertive, but moving in together isn't something we should do lightly. And I don't want there to be any doubts for either of us.”

 

“I get that... and I appreciate it, Johnny. Sometimes I think you're too good to be true.” James leaned in until their lips were touching, and John chuckled, taking the initiative to make something of the kiss.

 

“We can wait and shower after sex if you want,” he murmured against James' mouth.

 

“You want sex tonight?”

 

“I want sex every damn night, Jimmy... and morning, and afternoon. Hell, anytime I can get in your pants, I want to!”

 

James laughed, “It  _ is _ the first time we've gotten to stay the night together since Rio.”

 

“It is that,” Shepard agreed, “and I believe I made some promises to you earlier in the night. Things I wanted to do to this magnificent body of yours.” He pushed James down onto the bed and straddled his waist. “Let's not waste any more time, hm?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the super amazing sparkly_butthole for her awesome beta work! <3
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos, etc!
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John makes an impression on James' family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a day late. I've been traveling a lot for the past few weeks, and it's catching up to me. 
> 
> A special thank you to my wonderful beta, sparkly_butthole! You're the best, love!

James blinked against the sunlight streaming in the window. Shepard was still sawing logs, nestled in James' arms like a little spoon. Grinning, James pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and slid his arm out from under the man. A glance at the clock told him that he was late for work. “Shit,” he muttered, and John stirred.

 

“ Hm?”

 

“ Nothing. Go back to sleep, Johnny-boy,” he whispered, with another kiss to his neck.

 

“ Mmhmm.”

 

After a quick trip to the restroom, James made his way out to the main living area of the suite. His grandmother and uncle were already up and eating a catered breakfast that Anderson had sent up. There was also a message for James to take the day off and pack his things. The apartment had already been approved. “Damn, he works quick!”

 

“ There's food for you and John,” Anna Maria said.

 

“ He's still sleeping.” James grabbed one of the covered trays and set it on the table, then went to pour himself a cup of coffee. The door to their bedroom opened, and John stumbled out, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He still looked half asleep, and James was thankful that he'd at least had the wherewithal to put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt.

 

“ Why didn't you wake me?” He asked, pressing his lips to James' cheek and stealing his cup of coffee with a grin.

 

“ Figured you could use the sleep. You're welcome for the coffee by the way,” he said, rolling his eyes.

 

“ Thank you for the coffee, Jimmy,” he said, kissing him again, then bid good morning to Anna Maria and Emilio. He'd just brought the fork to his mouth for the first bite of breakfast when there was a knock at the door. “Shit!” Dropping the utensil, he went to the door, opening it to find Ashley and Joker on the other side. The pilot was carrying a box of doughnuts and Williams a tray of coffees. “Hey, come on in.” He introduced everyone.

 

“ What the hell happened, Shepard?” Ashley asked impatiently.

 

“ Batarians,” he shrugged.

 

“ Helpful as always, Commander,” Joker said dryly. “I assume they're in lock up now?”

 

“ Two of them are,” John said around a mouthful of toast. “There were five more that got away.”

 

“ What the fuck?” Ashley asked. “How the hell did that happen?”

 

“ I let them go,” John said with a shrug.

 

“ Of course you did,” she said with a huff. “Goddamn bleeding heart!”

 

“ You people need to make up your minds about me,” Shepard told her with a grin. “Am I a hard ass? A dumb ass? A wise ass? A fucking bleeding heart? I don't even know anymore.”

 

“ You're all of the above,” James said, pushing his plate away and reaching for the box of doughnuts. John flicked him on the ear, and the younger man gave him a powdered sugar coated grin that had Shepard chuckling.

 

“ So what are we going to do about them, Commander,” Ashley asked.

 

“ _ I'm _ not going to do a damn thing about them,” John said, yawning, and reaching for a doughnut of his own. “Not my problem.”

 

“ People sent to assassinate you aren't your problem?” Joker was incredulous.

 

“ What the fuck do you expect me to do about it, Joker? I'm not allowed to have a weapon. Not given enough freedom to go hunt the bastards down. They're probably halfway back to Kar'shan by now.” He took a bite of his doughnut. “Mm. These are good. Thanks.”

 

Ashley rolled her eyes. “Shepard-”

 

“ If you want to go after them, Ash, be my guest. There isn't anything I can do, alright? If you really want to do something to help me, then go with James to pack up his apartment.”

 

“ Johnny-”

 

“ James, I swear to god,” John said heatedly, pointing a finger at him.

 

James huffed and rolled his eyes. “Thanks dad,” he groused.

 

“ I think it's a good idea,” Uncle Emilio said. He and Anna Maria had been quiet, just listening to the marines.

 

“ The apartment we're getting is furnished, so you don't have to worry about-”

 

“ Wait,” Ash interrupted, “the apartment 'we're' getting? You guys are moving in together?”

 

“ Uh... yeah,” John said.

 

“ Oh.” Ashley cleared her throat, “That's good. At least you won't be stuck in that cell anymore.” Her lips rolled inward as if she were trying to keep from saying anything else.

 

“ Yeah,” Shepard said again. “So anyway, if you can't or don't want to-”

 

“ No. I'll go. It's the least I can do, Skipper.”

 

“ Well, I'm glad we're all over the awkward stage,” Joker said, taking a doughnut for himself. James, Ashley, and Shepard all three cursed under their breath while Emilio and Anna Maria watched with confused expressions.

 

“ Chief Williams and I used to date,” Shepard explained, rubbing the back of his neck while a red flush crept up his cheeks.

 

“ So you make it a habit of sleeping with your subordinates?” Emilio asked.

 

“ No. Not that it's any of your damned business,” Shepard said angrily. “Just because I'm dating your nephew doesn't entitle you to every personal detail of my life. You know, I have to put up with shit like this all the time. Just because people know who I am they think they have a right to say whatever the fuck they want to me. I'm not a damn saint. I'm just a man. I do things I probably shouldn't; I make mistakes. There's plenty I've done that I'm not proud of. People put me on a pedestal then get pissed at me when I fall off. It gets really fucking old!”

 

“ Loco, come on. Don't get mad.”

 

“ Sorry. I'm just...” He stood and tossed his unfinished doughnut on his plate. “I'm going to take a shower. Thanks for stopping by,” he waved at Joker and Ash and left the room.

 

“ Will you two just please leave him the fuck alone,” James said to his family. “Jesus Christ! Don't you think he's fucking sick of having his motives constantly questioned? You don't have to like him or trust him, but just please... trust me. I'm a grown fucking man. I know how to make my own decisions!” He stood and turned to Ashley, wagging a finger in her face. “And you... Can you please stop making shit weird? You don't have to come help me. I know how to defend myself.”

 

“ I'll be back in an hour, Vega,” she said with a firm nod.

 

“ Fine,” he said, stalking after Shepard and finding the man pacing the bedroom when he entered.

 

“ I'm sorry, Jimmy,” Shepard sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Goddammit I'm so sick of people not believing me. Not trusting me. Questioning my every fucking move. I just...  _ fuck _ !”

 

“ Hey,” James said, “come here.” He pulled the Commander into his arms, kissing him on the temple. “I understand, Johnny. I know none of this has been easy on  you.”

 

John buried his face in the younger man's neck. “I just feel so absolutely worthless right now. I need to get the fuck out of here. I need something to do. I have never just sat around doing nothing, and this is fucking killing me. Four and a half months of sitting on my dead ass doing jack shit. I'm going insane.”

 

“ I know,” James soothed, rubbing Shepard's back with his large hands. “Maybe Anderson can give you some work to do? Something non-classified, just to keep your hands busy.”

 

“ Maybe. It's worth a shot anyway. Though technically I'm no longer in the Alliance.”

 

“ Uh-huh. Yet you still keep trying to use that 'pull rank' bullshit.”

 

“ It still works,” he said smugly.

 

“ Know what else works?”

 

“ What's that?” John asked, voice low and husky.

 

“ You and me. Naked.”

 

Shepard barked a laugh and kissed the man, slow and deep. “What would I do without you,” he asked, breathless, when they stopped for air.

 

“ That’s one question you don’t have to worry about, because I’m not going anywhere,” James assured him, lifting him off the floor. John wrapped his legs around the younger man as they fell onto the bed.

 

“ I love you, Jimmy,” he breathed when James latched onto his neck - neither of them caring about hickeys at this point. 

 

“ I love you more.”

 

**

 

John hummed happily while he crushed the peppercorns for the steak au poivre that he was making James and his family for dinner. “This is the first time I've gotten to cook for you, Jimmy,” he said, smiling at his lover. Shepard had been infinitely happier since they'd moved into an apartment together three days ago.

 

“ I can't wait to try it,” the younger man said, leaning over to see what Shepard was doing. “What did you call it again?”

 

“ Steak au poivre. It just means steak with pepper, but it sounds better in French, right?”

 

“ You speak French, too?”

 

“ I do. I'm fluent in most of Earth's major languages, plus Salarian, Tuchankan, and Palavanian – Cipritine dialect.”

 

“ Holy hell!”

 

“ Even a little Khelish, but that was mostly learned from Tali. The others were learned during ICT. If I'm going to infiltrate, I need to be able to speak the language, right?”

 

“ Yeah, but you're not going to be infiltrating Tuchanka!”

 

“ Am I not?” John gave him a smug grin.

 

“ Please, Loco, there is no way in hell you infiltrated Tuchanka and made them think you were a krogan.”

 

He grabbed the fillets and sprinkled them with salt on both sides before dredging them in the crushed peppercorns. “To graduate as an N7, the final test is being dropped, blind, into an active combat zone and basically resolving the conflict and making it out alive,” he said casually, moving on to slicing potatoes. “We were dropped in groups of three. Small unit tactics was one of the main focuses of the training. It's why I almost always stick to a three man squad on missions.” He paused, wiping his hands on a towel and getting some butter and olive oil into a cast iron skillet to heat. “We drew from a hat to see which squad would get which mission, and my group drew Tuchanka. We had no idea what in hell we were walking into, of course. That was part of the test.” He gently laid the steaks in the pan. “How do you like your steaks?”

 

James and Emilio ordered rare, Anna Maria, medium. He stopped talking for a few minutes so that he could concentrate on the meal without burning anything. When the steaks were ready, he pulled them off and covered them with foil to keep them warm and started the sauce in the steak pan, then dropped the potatoes in the hot oil. “Squad commander sent me ahead since I'm trained in stealth. The base we were heading into – and I use the word base loosely here. If you've ever been to Tuchanka, you know that everything is just basically piles of rock and debris. The krogan just live under or on top of it. Anyway, the base was the leftover remains of an old military fortress from pre-Krogan uprising era.”

 

He pulled the fried potatoes out of the oil and set them on a platter lined with paper towels, sprinkling them with salt before adding another batch to the oil. “So there's a door, still functioning, with a damn intercom. I could have climbed a thirty foot pile of crumbling rock to get around it, but decided to just take my chances with the intercom. Made up some random krogan sounding name, pressed the button, cursed at them in Tuchankan, and they opened the damned door for me. Waltzed right in, hacked the computer for the intel, and hauled ass back to the squad.”

 

“ Wow!” To Shepard's surprise, it was Emilio, sounding awe struck. He and James' uncle hadn't exactly gotten off on the right foot. His grandmother was eating out of the palm of his hand, but Emilio was still regarding him with suspicion, questioning his motives where James was concerned. It was pissing John off to no end, but he was trying to be nice, for James' sake.

 

Shepard stirred the sauce, pulling the pan off the heat to add a few splashes of cognac and a couple more pats of butter. He had a bowl of washed and dried salad greens that he dressed with oil and vinegar, salt and pepper, then uncovered the steaks and started making plates, carefully constructing each one with a steak – drizzled with sauce – a pile of homemade chips, and a mound of the salad.

 

“ Damn, that looks gourmet,” James said.

 

“ Sacha, my roommate on Arcturus was French. His dad owned this swanky restaurant in Marseilles and always loved to show off for us when he'd come to visit or we'd go there. Growing up, homemade meals were unheard of. I'd never even cooked a hot dog before I met Anderson, and he was a tried and true bachelor. We subsisted on frozen dinners and takeout. The most adventurous I ever got in the kitchen was mac and cheese with those powdered cheese pouches. Sacha thought it was a shame that I couldn't fix something as simple as steak and fries, so he taught me some stuff. Mostly French, but hey... they know how to cook if nothing else, right? Let's eat before it gets cold.”

 

“ So you and this Sacha...?” Emilio asked, accusingly.

 

“ Were friends and roommates. Nothing more,” Shepard said, pouring everyone a glass of wine. “He didn't like having sex with men,” he added with a wink at Anna Maria, who laughed lightheartedly. “Besides, I'm not a whore. I don't sleep with everyone I meet.”

 

“ So, what was the mission on Tuchanka?” James asked, hoping to avoid another argument between Shepard and his uncle. For Shepard's part, he was trying his damnedest. James could tell it was nearly physically painful for him to hold back sometimes, when Emilio let into him, and he appreciated it more than Shepard would ever understand. He couldn't figure out why the fuck his uncle was acting like such an ass. He'd tried talking to the man, to no avail, and he'd done everything but beg him to leave John alone. He was more than a little glad that his family was leaving in a couple of days.

 

“ Classified, I'm afraid,” Shepard said. “Which is a shame, since it was a damn good story. But... I  _ can _ tell you about the time I helped a juvenile krogan complete his rite of passage into adulthood.”

 

“ What the fuck do krogan do as a rite of passage? Krogan strippers just seems... wrong.”

 

John laughed. “Not strippers – though we did take him to a strip club on Illium later since that seems to be a human and turian tradition.”

 

“ I'm so jealous,” James said, and Anna Maria slapped him on the back of the head, while John grinned. “This dinner is amazing, by the way, Johnny.”

 

“ Thank you.”

 

“ So... krogan rite of passage?” Emilio asked.

 

“ Well, first I had to prove to the shaman that I was worthy to be part of Grunt's krantt-”

 

“ Krantt?”

 

“ A group of proven warriors willing to fight and die to defend your honor,” Shepard explained.

 

“ So how did you prove your worth,” Anna Maria asked.

 

“ I headbutted the leader of a rival clan.”

 

“ Loco,” James muttered, and Shepard shrugged and grinned.

 

“ It worked. They dropped us off in this arena, and we had to fight whatever came to attack us, which turned out to be seemingly endless waves of wild varren and klixen. And just when we thought we were clear, a goddamned thresher maw pops up out of the ground. We were on foot, armed with pistols, rifles, and one damn rocket launcher, but we managed to take it out.”

 

“ You killed a thresher maw? On foot?” It was Emilio again. Maybe all he'd needed to do all along was share war stories to earn the man's respect.

 

“ Well, Grunt, Garrus, and I did. Garrus still thinks he's a better sniper than me because he shot the damned thing in the eye while I was firing rockets down it's throat.”

 

“ So, you've traveled a lot,” Anna Maria said, completely unimpressed by the giant worm that died at Shepard's hands.

 

John chuckled. “Sure. Been all over the world, all over the galaxy.”

 

“ What's the most beautiful place you've visited?”

 

“ Wow, that's a tough question. Plenty of places are beautiful, but it's usually tainted by whatever we were there to do. Virmire, for instance, was one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen, but... one of my best friends died there that day. Eden Prime. Hell, even on Illium, we were getting shot at most of the time. Probably the most unique place I've ever been is Ilos. There was an old Prothean ruin there. A huge complex full of thousands of Protheans who'd been frozen in cryostasis fifty thousand years ago. They were all dead though. The lifepods didn't last as long as they thought they would.” He took a sip of his wine, and tapped his fingers restlessly on the table. “I guess, the only place I've ever been that doesn't have any violent memories associated with it is Marseilles. Sometimes I'd go home with Sacha on leave when Anderson wasn't around. There's still ancient architecture everywhere, stuff hundreds of years old, set on a cliff overlooking the Mediterranean. Good food, friendly people, incredible views. I guess I'd have to say that's my favorite. Or maybe Rio de Janeiro,” he said with a sly grin at James. The younger man blushed and grinned into his wine glass, avoiding John's gaze.

 

“ Favorite mission,” Emilio asked, seeming to get into this game of twenty questions with the Commander.

 

“ Uh... let's see. Damn. I never think of the places and experiences in terms of favorites,” he confessed. “Well, I guess one of the missions I'm most proud of is Project Overlord. It was a Cerberus cell that crossed the line. Hell, that's the understatement of the century. It wasn't my favorite mission in terms of what we saw or did, but maybe my favorite in terms of end result. They were trying to figure out a way to communicate with geth. Honestly, they were trying to come up with a way to control the geth and use them for their own purposes. The director was a man named Archer, and his brother was a savant – a mathematical genius. They realized that the man, David, could mimic the geth language – not just the sounds, mind you, but he could actually communicate with them. They hooked him up to this... thing with probes in his brain, trying to actually integrate him into the geth consensus. It was... probably the most horrific thing I've ever seen. Understandably, David didn't want to be hooked up to it. He'd begged his brother to let him out, but the bastard was on some sort of ego trip and wouldn't help him.” John sighed and gazed out the window, which offered a magnificent view of the English Bay. “I had a baby brother once. I... can't imagine doing something like that to someone you supposedly care about.”

 

James reached over and took his hand, squeezing gently as their fingers laced together. John gave him a weak smile of appreciation. “So, we got David out of the machine, and I left a smoking hole in the middle of his brother's forehead. It was one of the most satisfying kills of my career. I guess that sounds heartless, but the fucker deserved it. We took David to Grissom Academy, but while he was on the Normandy, I sat with him in the med-bay. He was malnourished and dehydrated and nearly hysterical from the trauma he'd endured. He held my hand and cried, and damned if I didn't cry with him. He was just so pathetic. I stayed with him until we docked with Grissom, and he begged me to come with him,” John swiped at the tears that rolled down his cheeks, unbidden, pinching the bridge of his nose to force them to stop. “We exchanged e-mails nearly every day until I came here. They won't let me contact any of my friends, though, so... I hope he's doing okay. He seemed to be getting better the last time I spoke to him.”

 

“ That's very... admirable, John,” Emilio said, sounding slightly choked up himself. Anna Maria was weeping openly, and James was smiling at Shepard in a way that made his insides feel wiggly.

 

“ Sometimes it actually feels like you did something good at the end of the day,” John said with a shrug.

 

“ You do good things all the time, and you know it,” James reminded him.

 

“ Most of what I do is more subjective, I guess. Take Aratoht for instance. I know in my heart of hearts that there were no options, but it sure didn't  _ feel _ like a good thing. Now I have to look men in the eyes whose wives and children are dead because of a decision that I made. When people's lives are riding on every decision you make, it's not always easy to look yourself in the mirror in the mornings.” He drained his glass of wine and refilled everyone's glasses. “Besides, bringing someone out alive and getting them the help they need is a damn sight more satisfying than wiping out yet another band of worthless mercenaries. Sure, putting a stop to them is the right thing to do, but it just feels like another task. And you know damn good and well that some new group is going to pop up and try to take their place. That you'll be back, same shithole, next year to take out another bunch of assholes. Being a Spectre isn't quite as glamorous as it sounds.”

 

“ But it's very rewarding, no?” Anna Maria asked, wiping her face with her napkin.

 

“ It is that,” John agreed. “Very much so.”

 

“ Dinner was delicious, John,” Emilio said. “Thank you.”

 

John nodded his thanks. “I cheated on dessert and picked it up from a bakery around the corner,” he confessed. “I'm not much of a baker, but I did manage to keep with the French theme – pear tarte tatin. Maybe I can keep from making everyone cry over pie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!
> 
> Find me on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James' and John's world is rocked by tragedy.

John and Emilio seemed to come to an understanding after Shepard had made them all dinner. After that, James' uncle was interested in anything the Commander had to say, even forgiving him for 'turning James gay' – as if Shepard had actually done anything of the sort. It wasn't his fault that they'd fallen in love with each other. Still, James and John were both happy with the turn the visit had taken after that dinner. And when the time came to say goodbye to James' family, it was met with genuine enthusiasm for their next visit.

 

Their happiness was short lived, however.

 

John had just dozed off on the couch with his head in James' lap when the younger man's omni-tool rang with an urgent message. Dread, instant and suffocating, gripped their hearts. If his family had made it back home safe and sound, they wouldn't be contacting them urgently. Shepard sat up and watched James as he answered the call. The burly marine crumpled into John's arms at the news. The shuttle carrying his grandmother and uncle had gone down due to mechanical failure. No survivors.

 

“ Oh my god, Jimmy. Shit!” John held him tight, the younger man's tears soaking through his shirt. “Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.” Shepard rested his cheek on top of James' head and wept with him. Though he and Emilio still needed time to adjust to one another, he'd taken to Anna Maria right away. She was exactly what he'd always imagined a grandmother should be – kind and funny and spunky, not putting up with any bullshit from the men in her life. His sense of loss was nothing compared to James', but he couldn't help the pang he felt that he would never have the chance to get to know her better. Mostly, though, his heart was broken for the man he loved.

 

The next several days passed by in a blur. James still had aunts and uncles in San Diego who planned the funerals, and though it took some finagling on Anderson's part, the admiral was able to fix it to where Shepard could go with him. Not exactly how he wanted to get a weekend away with his lover. James held John's hand in a death grip as they sat in the chapel, both in their dress blues, and listened to the eulogies. Before the end, the younger man broke down into tears again, and John wrapped his arm around his shoulders and drew him close. Most of the three days they were in San Diego were spent in a similar position.

 

John was relieved that the family just treated him as one of their own, accepting him solely on the merit of James' obvious devotion – unlike Emilio had done. Shepard tried not to be bitter about that, especially since they'd ended the week on a good note, and he truly felt as though he'd finally earned the man's respect toward the end. It was all just such a shame – such a horrible tragedy.

 

James hadn't had much experience with tragedy in his life. Not in the way that Shepard had, at least. Both of them certainly had their own baggage, but James had known that he was loved and cared for all his life despite the fact that his father left and his mother died young. Even his military career had been relatively clean compared to Shepard's – though James had told him all about that FUBAR mission on Fehl Prime that ended with his squad dead and his own promotion. Shepard could certainly relate since the same damn thing had happened to him with Akuze.

 

“ I'm glad that he finally accepted you,” James told him while they walked hand in hand down the beach one evening as the sun was setting. “I... just always wanted to make him proud, you know?”

 

“ He was proud of you, James. And he loved you as his own son, which is why he gave me such a hard time.”

 

“ What do you mean?”

 

“ He just wanted the best for you. He didn't see me as being that. In his eyes, I had manipulated you into being something you're not.” He held up a hand to stave off James' protests. “You and I know that's not how things happened, but he didn't know that. He just wanted to protect you. I don't blame him for that.”

 

James wrapped his arms around Shepard's waist and buried his face in his neck to weep again. “He was the closest thing to a dad I ever had.”

 

“ I know,” John murmured, carding his fingers through the younger man's short hair. “I'm so sorry that he's gone... that they're both gone.”

 

“ Goddammit,” he muttered, pulling away and swiping at his eyes. “I'm so fucking tired of crying.”

 

“ It's okay to cry sometimes, James. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you human.”

 

“ Yeah... I guess.... I just... I wanna go get shitfaced or something.”

 

“ Let's go then. I'll even drink tequila with you!”

 

James gave him a small, but genuine, smile, and wiped his eyes once more with the backs of his hands before gripping Shepard's hand and pulling him toward a bar that overlooked the ocean. John marched up to the bar and asked for a whole bottle of tequila and a basket of limes. “We're walking,” he said at the bartender's dubious expression.

 

“ Commander Shepard?” the man asked him after a moment.

 

“ The one and only,” John said, hamming it up so that the guy, hopefully, wouldn't give him a hard time about wanting an entire bottle of booze.

 

“ It's on the house for you, Commander,” the man said.

 

“ Oh, no, I couldn't-”

 

“ I insist, sir,” the man told him. “You're a damned hero. It's the least I can do.”

 

“ Well, thank you. Hey, listen,” he leaned in close to the man. “In about half an hour can you play a song for me?” He waved a hand toward James who was sitting in a booth waiting and looking sullen. “For my fella?”

 

Realization dawned on the bartender's face, and he gave John an exaggerated wink and an 'okay' hand signal before agreeing to his request to play the cheesy song they'd danced to on their first date. John wasn't sure it would cheer James up, but he thought it worth a shot. With a couple of shot glasses, the basket of lime wedges, and the bottle of Patron, he made his way toward James. No sooner had he sat down than two young women came running up to him to ask for his autograph. “Sorry, ladies, no autographs right now. I'm here with my man. He gets all my attention tonight.” He winked at James, who huffed a small laugh, then grinned as the women slinked away with shocked expressions. “Not sure why women freak out so much when they find out I like men,” he said, pouring the tequila into the glasses.

 

“ It's because you're fucking hot, and they want to do you,” James said, with his cheek propped on his fist. “They assume you're gay and out of their reach.”

 

“ I am out of their reach,” John said. “Floozies like that have never been my thing.”

 

“ Really? 'Cause before I met you, floozies like that were  _ always _ my thing!”

 

John grinned. “Well, I guess it's a good thing I came along and saved you from yourself.”

 

James snorted and raised his shot glass.

 

“ You're forgetting the salt,” John said, licking the back of his hand. James gave a little shiver at the motion, and Shepard's grin widened as he spilled some of the salt onto the wet patch. James performed the action on his own hand and readied his glass. “To Emilio and Anna Maria Vega,” John toasted.

 

“ May they rest in peace,” James said, fresh tears glistening in his eyes. They downed their shots, and John pulled a face when he poked the lime in his mouth. James chuckled in spite of his tears, and Shepard felt like that was a small victory. He hadn't seen any genuine happiness from his lover in days. He knew it would take time for James to recover from this loss, but he also knew that wallowing in the sorrow wouldn't do him any good.

 

They'd downed a quarter of the tequila when  _ their song _ started playing. The bartender even dedicated it to the couple over the speakers. James' face lit up, and he bounded out of his seat, pulling John out onto the dance floor with him. “You're the best, Johnny,” he said, resting his head on the older man's shoulder. John chuckled and kissed him on the forehead.

 

“ This song really is terrible, you know?”

 

“ I know!” James enthused. “Isn't it great?”

 

Shepard rolled his eyes and grinned at the absurdity of the whole thing, but squeezed the man just a little tighter. This goofy, playful side was one of his favorite things about James Vega. So many people expected Shepard to always be so damned serious and proper, but James loved it when John was playful, too. They balanced each other out. John giving James the stability he needed, while James brought out the more fun loving side of Shepard.

 

The song ended, and a more fast paced song came on. John humored James and stayed on the floor without complaint, letting the younger man guide his movements so that he didn't look quite so much like a flailing fish. James laughed, and John let him because he knew the man needed it. After several songs and the utter loss of his last shreds of dignity, James finally took pity on him and dragged John back to the table so they could keep downing shots. When the bottle was half gone, James was starting to slur his words, and went off on an emotionally charged soliloquy about his uncle and grandmother. John let him talk, offering him another shot whenever he deemed it necessary. At some point, Shepard quit drinking so that he could get them back to their hotel room. James was already too far gone to notice.

 

When the bottle was three quarters gone, John decided that he should cut James off, or they'd have to sleep at this bar. Strong as he was, there was no way in hell he could carry James Vega's bulk back to the hotel, and if Jimmy didn't quit soon, he wouldn't be able to walk. “Let me get you home, babe,” John said.

 

“ Babe,” James repeated with a dopey smile. “You called me babe.”

 

“ You are a babe,” John giggled. Okay, so maybe he was a little drunker than was wise.

 

“ You're a babe, too,” James sighed. “Never thought I'd like any dick besides my own, but dammit, Johnny... your dick is incredible.”

 

John couldn't help but laugh, even as he glanced around nervously to make sure no one had overheard that. “So's yours,” he said, satisfied that no one was listening. Still, his resolve to get James the hell out of there was only strengthened. “Let's go home, eh?”

 

“ Home.... yeah... Will you fuck me, Johnny-boy?”

 

“ If that's what you want, Jimmy,” Shepard said with a grin.

 

“ Good... thas what I want.”

 

“ Well, come on then.”

 

James clung to him, groping him inappropriately. They garnered more than a few stares, as well as a thumbs up and another wink from the obviously gay bartender. John nodded his acknowledgment, fearing what kinds of photos or articles might end up on the news in the morning. Not that it mattered. He didn't give a damn who knew about him and James. They were living together for god's sake. Still, the last thing he needed was more bad publicity. Trying to keep James' hands off his crotch was a losing battle, so he settled for rushing them out the door and keeping to the shadows as they made their way back to the hotel room.

 

Once inside, James stumbled to the bed and passed out cold. John wasn't really surprised, not even really disappointed, despite the fact that he was still pretty hard from all James' touching. Instead of worrying about himself, he simply stripped his lover down to his skivvies and wrestled him underneath the covers before collapsing behind him, throwing an arm over him, and passing out himself.

 

He was awoken several hours later, sun streaming in the open curtains, to Vega's ass grinding insistently against his crotch, and let out a moan of appreciation. “Finally,” James muttered. “You never fucked me last night.”

 

“ You passed out cold as soon as we got back,” Shepard said in mock exasperation, running his hands up James' chiseled torso and nibbling on the back of his neck. “Didn't have the heart to wake you.”

 

“ Dios,” James sighed as John's hands roved his body, “well I want you to fuck me now. I needed you inside my ass hours ago.”

 

John shuddered, “Fuck, Jimmy.”

 

“ Exactly,” the younger man breathed. “Fuck me through the goddamn bed, Johnny-boy. I need it.”

 

Shepard growled and pushed his lover onto his belly, grabbing the lube from the nightstand at the same time. He worked quick and rough to loosen the man up, and James lifted his hips so that John could slide a pillow under him, setting him at the perfect angle to fuck him. “Ready for my cock?” he rasped against the shell of James' ear.

 

“ Yes, please, Johnny,” the younger man groaned. “I fucking need it. Need you to make it hurt.”

 

“ Goddamnfuckingshit,” Shepard gasped, nearly coming right then and there. “Dammit all to hell, Jimmy. You're going to make me come if you keep on.”

 

“ Not until you're in me. Do it without a condom... please?”

 

“ You sure? I don't want-”

 

“ Please, Johnny. I trust you. You would have told me by now if you had something, right?”

 

John chuckled. “Yeah, you're right. Seeing as how you're the only person I've slept with since I came back I think it's safe to say I'm still clean.”

 

“ I'm clean, too. So... please... I want to feel it.”

 

Shepard leaned over and trailed kisses along his jaw, down his neck, and across his shoulders. “I love you, Jimmy... so damned much... more than I've ever loved anyone.”

 

James let out a little sob and pushed his ass back against John in encouragement. “I love you too, Johnny-boy,” he breathed. “More than anything.” He groaned as Shepard eased into him, giving him a minute to adjust to his girth before slipping almost all the way out and shoving back in. “Christ,” James cried out. “Yes, Johnny, give it to me.”

 

After a few tortuous strokes, John set a searing pace, bracing himself with his hands on either side of James' head. “You like this?” He ground out, teeth clenched with the strain of holding back. “Like feeling my big cock in your ass?”

 

“ Y-yes,” James whimpered. “Fuck yes. Love your cock, Johnny-boy. Love you.”

 

“ And I love feeling your tight walls around me, pulling me in, Jimmy. You feel so fucking good, babe. So goddamned good.” Sweat dripped off his brow onto James' shoulder, and he leaned down to lick it off, earning another groan from the man beneath him.

 

“ Harder,” he croaked. John shifted so that he was pegging James' prostate and fucked him almost brutally, until James was a withering, pleading mass under him. “Coming, John... fuck fuck shit fuck,” the last word was drawn out into a loud moan, and John felt his body constricting around him as he came. “Don't stop. Please... keep fucking me.”

 

“ I don't want to hurt you.”

 

“ Please,” James whined. “Please don't stop. Make me come again.”

 

“ Goddammit,” he hissed, clamping his teeth onto the juncture of James' neck and shoulder, earning another squawk from the younger man. “You need my cock in your tight ass that bad, Jimmy?” They didn't normally do this type of dirty talk during sex, but they were both getting off on it today. John wasn't sure he could last long enough to make James come again, but he'd damn well try.

 

“ Yes, yes... I fucking need it. Let me ride you,” James pleaded, and Shepard pulled out of him so fast it made both of their heads spin a little. He flipped over, and James moved more nimbly than anyone other than John would think a man of his size was capable of, climbing up to straddle him. The big man sank onto the waiting cock with ease, bracing himself with his hands behind him on John's thighs. Shepard's cock was rubbing his prostate again, and he couldn't contain his loud moans. “Fuck, yes, John.... god... I love you... love fucking you.”

 

“ Come here,” John urged, groping for his arms to pull him forward until their mouths were smashed desperately together, tongues warring, exploring. “I love you, Jimmy.... love this.. god... so good.” James was rocking back onto him, but not quite getting the friction they wanted while keeping their lips locked together. John braced his feet on the bed and thrust up into him, making them both hiss out a, “Fuck yes,” at the same time. He gripped James' hips and encouraged his up and down movement, bucking up to match the younger man's rhythm. “Getting close, Jimmy,” Shepard said, gripping the younger man's cock and pulling in time with their fucking.

 

“ Come inside me, Johnny.... shit, I want to feel your come inside my ass. I need it, Johnny-boy... need to feel it.”

 

“ Not until you come again. Fucking come for me, Jimmy. Shoot it all over me. Come on.”

 

“ Oh god... I... Johnny,” James almost folded over on himself as his orgasm took him, spurting all over John's hand, stomach, and chest.

 

“ Oh, yes,” John groaned. “God, I love being covered in your come.”

 

James shuddered, barely able to hold himself up. John pushed him off, leaning in to whisper against his ear, “You okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

 

“I’m okay… a little sore, but I want to keep going. Please, Johnny, I want to feel you come inside me.” 

 

Shepard muttered another curse, but forced the man onto his hands and knees before plunging back inside him. Grasping his hips, John fucked into him with bruising force, watching his cock disappear into the tight ass in front of him. “Shit, Jimmy, oh shit, oh shit... gonna come...” His groan was deep and ragged, issuing from the bottom of his chest as he exploded into his lover for the first time ever. It was incredible, and everything – the rough sex, the dirty talk, the newness of riding bareback with James – came together to make it the strongest orgasm he could ever remember having. “Holyfuckinghell,” he croaked out, flopping onto James' back as the younger man fell onto the bed.

 

“ Oh god,” James panted. “That was fucking perfect.”

 

“ Mmm,” was all John could manage in response. It was several minutes before he could peel himself off of James, and even then all he could do was roll over onto his back and sprawl out on the bed. “Fuck.”

 

James wound himself around his lover, pressed a kiss to his cheek, and they both drifted back off to sleep. It was after lunchtime before pounding on the door woke them. Shepard jolted awake, realizing that they were spread eagle and ass naked on the bed with the curtains wide open. “ _ Shit! _ ” That got James' attention, and he seemed to come to the same realization that John had, and let his own curse fly. Covering himself with a pillow, John shuffled over to the window, meeting eyes with two of James' cousins whose names were undoubtedly both some variant of Maria, he couldn't really remember. The girls giggled and waved at him, and he did his best to return the smile, waving back at them before shutting the curtains. “Goddammit,” he muttered. “Well, I certainly know how to make an impression on your family.”

 

“ Hey, at least they got a good view,” James assured him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always so nervous when I write a really dirty sex scene. I don't know why! I hope y'all enjoyed it anyway! :) 
> 
> Thanks to my super amazing and awesome beta sparkly_butthole! 
> 
> As always, thanks for all the comments and kudos!
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life returns to normal, but nothing lasts forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. Sequel is in the works, but not quite ready for posting. It will probably be about a month before I have it ready to go! Thanks to everyone who has commented or left kudos or shared this story on Tumblr. I appreciate all of it so much! 
> 
> Now, without further ado... let's do this!

Their return to Vancouver was reminiscent of when they'd come back from Rio, only this time it was James who was in the sour mood. He was always so upbeat that it just seemed wrong to see him being so surly. Not that Shepard blamed him. Joker and Ashley were waiting outside their apartment with beer and a couple of pizzas, determined to cheer James up, but the younger man went straight into the bedroom once they were inside.

 

“ Thanks for coming, guys,” Shepard said. “Give me a minute to talk to him?” He left the pair searching for the bioti-ball game on the vid screen. James never missed a game with the San Diego Storm if he could help it, though John guessed he probably wasn't in much of a mood. “Hey,” he said, coming into the room and finding James face down on the bed. “Want me to send them away?” He knew it was a stupid question to ask if he was okay.

 

“ No... and yes. I appreciate them coming. I want to enjoy it, but...”

 

“ I know,” John rubbed a hand down his back in soothing circles. “Want to come out and at least give it a shot?”

 

“ I guess.”

 

“ They're going to put the game on. Storm versus the Seattle Sorcerers . I know Ash pulls for the Sorcerers. Ought to be fun listening to you two screaming at each other over a ball game.”

 

James huffed a laugh. “Yeah, okay.”

 

It was the most docile Shepard had ever seen James during a game, and that was saying a lot. The man was usually screaming and cursing at the refs and opposing team during the whole match. The fact that he only threw one pizza crust at the vid screen was a sign that he just wasn't feeling himself. Still, John was thankful that he'd been able to at least take the edge off his grief for a little while. Toward the end of the game, James stretched out on the couch with his head in John's lap, and Shepard ran his fingers through the younger man's hair until he dozed off. John gazed at him with a sad but fond smile before looking up to find Ashley staring at them. He stiffened, but she smiled kindly and turned her attention to the pilot.

 

“ We should get going, Joker,” she said, quietly. “Shepard, if he's feeling up to it, we should go out tomorrow night. We haven't had our night out in a couple weeks now.”

 

“ Yeah. I'll have James call you.” When their friends were gone, John shook his lover until he roused him, then led him to bed.

 

The next night at the bar, the anger hit James – hard – and he tried to pick four bar fights before Shepard managed to herd him out the door and down the street with profuse apologies to the bar owner. At home, James continued to rage and rail, expressing his fury and the total unfairness of losing what amounted to both of his parents in the same freak accident. All John could do was listen and offer a supportive shoulder, which James accepted by the end of the night.

 

Over the next several weeks, James slowly came back to himself, with his bouts of outright depression and furious anger coming less and less frequently. Shepard was well aware that traumatic experiences often changed a person irreversibly, but he caught enough glimpses of the old James that he wasn't worried too much about the man's ability to eventually rebound from this. Through it all, he just tried to be whatever James needed him to be – letting him cry himself to sleep in John's arms, taking him to the gym or the range or even sometimes the bedroom to work out his frustration, or just listening while he drunkenly rambled on and on with stories about his family. By the time John had been in prison for six months – two months after the shuttle crash – James was having more good days than bad.

 

“ I want to go out tonight, to Moody's,” James told him over breakfast.

 

“ No problem.”

 

“ Today's our four month anniversary, you know?”

 

John paled. “I... shit... four months? Do... uh, do people celebrate four month anniversaries?”

 

“ Probably not,” James admitted with a quick laugh at his lover’s expression, “but... I just remembered that it was four months ago today that I worked up the nerve to kiss you after cooking you dinner that night at my apartment. Felt like celebrating it is all.”

 

“ Then we'll celebrate,” John said, smiling at him.

 

After dinner – James made huevos rancheros for the first time since his grandmother died – they strolled hand in hand to their favorite bar. The Bathroom Guy was there for the first time in weeks, and James gave the man a smug grin, planting the sloppiest of kisses on John's mouth. Shepard shook his head, but grinned at his lover. Jealous James was pretty damned adorable. “You know I never did anything with that guy.”

 

“ You wanted to,” James huffed. “That's enough for me.”

 

“ That was before us,” Shepard reasoned.

 

“ Doesn't matter.”

 

“ Alright,” John laughed. “You know I'm all yours though, right?”

 

“ All. Mine. Al-ways.” James reminded him, punctuating each syllable with a peck on the lips. “I love you, Johnny-boy.”

 

“ Love you too, Jimmy.”

 

They danced and drank until they were pleasantly tipsy, then stumbled back to their apartment to make love all night. Shepard wondered how he'd gotten so lucky. He never would have dreamed that his imprisonment would lead to meeting the love of his life. What had started out as a punishment had turned into something that he wasn't sure how he could ever live without. Being out of here and going back to work would certainly improve matters, but Anderson was assuring him almost daily now that the committee was close to reaching a decision on what should be done with Shepard long term. He not so secretly wished that he would be returned to command of the Normandy.

 

Though they lived in Alliance HQ, and James' job solely consisted of 'guarding' Shepard, he still had to leave in the mornings to clock in for his duty shift, then come back home. John was still in bed when James returned with their breakfast trays from the cafeteria. The younger marine tried to coax his lover out of bed, but John refused, pulling James on top of him instead.

 

“ You didn't get enough last night,” James asked, giving in and planting kisses along his collarbone.

 

“ I never get enough of you, Jimmy, you know that,” Shepard said, already breathless. His nimble fingers maneuvered underneath James' shirt rucking it up until the younger man shucked out of it. John latched onto his chest, sucking a dark purple bruise there, before rolling them over and kissing his way down his lover's body. “Damn these muscles,” he groaned, raking his teeth over the sharp outline of his pectorals. James hissed at the contact, slipping his hands down to cup Shepard's ass, pulling him closer as the older man rutted against him.

 

“ Lose the pants, Commander,” James panted.

 

“ Are you giving me an order, Lieutenant?”

 

“ Damn right!”

 

John laughed, claiming James' mouth and keeping them connected as best he could while he shimmied out of his sweats. His fingers then went to work on James' belt and trousers, wresting his cock free of his boxers. They each wrapped a hand around their touching cocks, and began thrusting into their combined fists. They kept it slow and lazy, lips and tongues moving together at the same languorous pace as their hips.

 

“ Oh god,” John moaned against the younger man's lips. “I never want to go a day without this.”

 

“ Horny bastard,” James chuckled, but his laugh broke off in a moan when John's lips moved down to his nipple.

 

“ You love me being a horny bastard,” Shepard murmured, flicking his tongue across the man's nipple before biting it lightly. “God, I'm close.”

 

“ Me, too.” Their sweat and pre-come were making their cocks slick, and it was all just too fucking perfect. “Johnny,” James gasped, arching off the bed as the first warm bursts hit John's belly.

 

“ Oh, fuck, Jimmy,” Shepard moaned, following right behind him. They continued rocking until they were both spent, and John collapsed onto him, bringing their mouths together again. “Mmm, and you wanted me to get out of bed.”

 

James huffed a laugh. “It's probably after ten hundred by now,” he informed the Commander.

 

“ What, do we have an appointment to keep? Oh yeah, I've got that... nope never mind... I don't have anywhere to be for the rest of... forever.” He rolled off of James and fell onto his back on the bed, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I'm gonna grab a shower.”

 

“ Well, since you got me dirty, I'm going to join you.”

 

Showering led to another round of jacking each other off. If it weren't for the fact that he was facing life in prison, John would have enjoyed his life immensely these days. They were still trembling and panting through the aftershocks when James' omni-tool started pinging insistently.

 

“ Urgent message for me to report to the Defense Committee,” he said, frowning. “Correction. For  _ us _ to report to the Defense Committee.”

 

“ Shit,” John muttered. “Think they've finally decided to put an end to our little fantasy land here?”

 

James' brows knit together. “You don't think they'd decide to do something about it after all this time, do you?”

 

“ Who the fuck knows?” John was already pulling on his BDU's that he only wore these days to appear before the committee. Most of the time he just wore sweatpants since he only left the house for a couple hours a day. The uniform still fit as well as it had the day he'd stepped into his cell six months before since he worked out so religiously at the gym. It was one of few ways he had to relieve his frustration. James watched him lacing up his boots. “Hey,” Shepard asked, “you okay?”

 

“ What if this is it?”

 

“ It's not,” John said, firmly, crossing the room and gripping James' face in his hands. “I love you, Jimmy. Nothing they can do to us will change that. I'm not going to let anything come between us. If they reassign you, then I'll just... have to figure something out.”

 

James threw his arms around him and pulled him into a rough kiss. “We should probably go get it over with, then.”

 

Shepard followed James to the elevator and down to the Committee chambers level. When the elevator doors opened, they gave each other one last look before stepping out into utter pandemonium. “What the hell is going on?” Shepard asked, bewildered. “I don't think this has anything to do with us, Jimmy.”

 

“ Yeah. I'm starting to feel the same.”

 

Anderson rushed toward them, and John's heart sank. “The reapers?”

 

“ I don't know,” Anderson said.

 

“ What else could it be?”

 

“ If I knew that.”

 

“ We're not ready if it is them,” John bellowed. “Not by a long shot!”

 

“ That's why we need you, John.”

 

Shepard ran a frustrated hand over his head. “Right... ground me, take away my ship, leave my ass out to dry for six months, and now I'm supposed to just fix this?”

 

“ After the shit you pulled, you're lucky they didn't execute your ass, John, and you damn well know it. Now come on.”

 

“ I'm no politician, Anderson. I'm just a soldier. I go where the fleets tell me.”

 

“ Right now, I don't need you to be either,” Anderson told him. “I just need you to do whatever the hell it takes to end this.”

 

John shot another glance at James over his shoulder as they walked toward the Committee's chamber. Ashley Williams was coming out of the room as they approached, and Anderson went to speak with her.

 

John hung back, turning to James. With every step they took closer to that room, the growing sense of dread he felt in the pit of his stomach intensified. “If the reapers are here, this is a damned waste of time,” he hissed.

 

“ Just go in there and listen to what they have to say.”

 

John held his eyes for a moment. “Jimmy...”

 

“ Get in there, and find out what the hell is going on, Johnny. I'll be here.”

 

Shepard grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. Something desperate in his chest told him this may be the last time he'd ever see the man, and he fought the urge to just take James and run as far and as fast as he could from this spot. Choking down the emotion that swelled within him, he locked eyes with James, and murmured, “See you in a minute, then.”

 

 

...to be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me! I know I'm evil! :) I promise the sequel is coming. I'm over half finished writing it. I'll post the link here when it's ready so that subscribers will know it's available. 
> 
> A huge, huge thank you to sparkly_butthole for being my beta - and my friend! :) She really helped me to polish this story up to make it the best it could be, and she's helping me with the sequel as well. I can't thank her enough! Love you, dearie!! xoxo
> 
> Again, thanks to everyone who's read and enjoyed this! I'm just so happy with the response this story has gotten. I hope you'll all be back for the sequel!! :) 
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


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